Premiere Watch '09: 90210

90210:
"To New Beginnings!"

Ugh, for the first time probably ever, I'm so not ready for the new episode of network television shows to start up again. I'm rather enjoying the less demanding summer television season where there's not 2-5 shows I want to watch airing during every single time slot.

And the U.S. Open is still going on, people! And although all of my favorites (on the men's side anyway) are dropping like flies, I'm still obsessively watching. I don't have time for premieres when I've got to watch 6+ hours of tennis each day!

Anyway, 90210 started up its second season tonight (two or three weeks earlier than I would have liked). I can't say I was too impressed by this episode. It was about 97% style and 3% substance (when the appropriate ratio for 90210 should be more along the lines of 75% style, 25% substance). What made it worse was that all the "substance" was almost completely ridiculous. Sure, the show was over-the-top during the second half of last season when it hit its stride, but there was some value to it. The show did a fairly good job of handling Adrianna's baby storyline, Silver's struggle with bipolar disorder, Navid and Adrianna's sweet relationship, and even the Naomi/Liam/Jen stuff.

In this episode, however, the show shied away from the heavy issues (aside from some cursory coverage of Annie's post-hit-and-run downward spiral) in favor of showing us lots and lots of Naomi, Silver, and Adrianna frolicking in bathing suits and frolicking in tennis dresses and frolicking in a convertible and strutting around in their ridiculous school outfits. And, yes, there was even a choreographed group dance number for crying out loud!!! For a second there, I thought I was watching She's All That, and that is never a good thing! (Were the 90210 kids doing a dance from a music video or something? I'm sure I'm out of the loop on the group dances that are popular with the kiddies these days.)

Hopefully, this episode was just intended as a fun way to relaunch the show and things will pick up in the episodes to come. Here's my running commentary of the highlights and my thoughts:

• Who is that guy Naomi's kissing? He's like 40 years old! I mean, sure, Naomi's an old-looking high school student, but this is pushing it!
• So, Naomi, Silver, and Dixon were in summer school as punishment for attending the post-prom party with underage drinking. I'm a little fuzzy on the details from last year, but I think that's what's going on.
• Silver's hair looks cute.
• Adrianna looks beautiful. But she has no bangs, so I guess I can't call her Bangs anymore :-(
• This song by Slimy is awesome. Are we taking bets on what the most over-used songs in premiere/pilot episodes will be? I'm going to guess that there will be some Passion Pit, but I'm not sure what the ubiquitous song will be.
• Naomi: "He reads books!"
  Silver: "Like Lolita?"
  
• "Monica Lewinsky: The Movie Musical"... Yo, minus the musical part, Grosse Pointe did that joke 10 years ago. Grosse Pointe was an awesome show.
  
• Naomi: "Well, if it were up to me, over-50s wouldn't be allowed to wear sleeveless shirts."
  
• I hope Adrianna's excessive eye makeup is waterproof...
  
• Why is Navid carrying both boogie boards and Dixon's only carrying the towels? That makes Dixon look a little pathetic.
  
• Wow, that was a very enjoyable Annie-less opening 10 minutes.
  
• New neighborhood? Why did the Wilsons move? Just so they're not mooching off the grandma anymore? The finer points of last season are escaping me.
  
• Wow, there's a jazzy new opening title sequence. It's a bit less hokey than the one they had last season, I suppose. It being hokey was kind of the point though.
  
• Silver's tennis skirt with origami folds is lovely.
  
• Naomi: "I'm very possessive when it comes to balls."
  
• This guy is in high school? Yeah, right!
  
• Should I be embarrassed to admit that I recognize this guy from when he played Jeremy Horton on Days of Our Lives a couple summers ago? The dude was a total creep on DOOL and he's still creeping me out now.
  
• Ugh, Naomi, don't fall for this line of crap from your too-old boyfriend.
  
• Silver seems to have an entirely different personality this season. Is that a side effect of her bipolar meds?
  
• Last season's Silver was an angry blogger who didn't like the prom. Now she's willingly spending all of her time at the country club with Naomi? Not buying it.
  
• Are they seriously doing a synchronized group dance number?! OMG, this is ridiculous! I love it.
  
• BTW, the guy who is playing the front desk attendant also played a creep on DOOL. I really don' think it's the best idea ever for 90210 to be raiding DOOL's supporting cast for new talent. Unless they want to hire Nick or Chelsea or Max.
  
• Teddy and Adrianna did this sexy dance four years ago? Like when they were 12? That seems highly inappropriate.
• Wait, this is so the same song ("Koop Island Blues" by Koop) that Randi and Evan performed Mia's "Butt Dance" to on SYTYCD!!! !!! Ha ha! Ok, if Adrianna and Teddy were doing the "Butt Dance," I could understand why that would upset Navid.
• Ok, Adrianna's hair extensions need to go. They look really fake.
• Eew, what is Silver wearing now? Her legs look even skinnier than usual in this strange getup.
• Is it just me, or are the girls even more crazily dramatic than usual this season? I expect Annie to be over-the-top, but between Silver's "I can't breathe without Dixon" and Naomi's Liam speech, I can barely take it.
• How did Liam's hair get longer while he was in boot camp? Oh, wait, it was wilderness boot camp, so I guess they didn't have access to scissors while they were out there...
• Wow, things are going from really bad to even worse for Annie.
• I know the split focus between the "new class" and the returning characters (Kelly, Brenda, Donna) was sometimes problematic last year, but this episode sorely needed a little bit more maturity.

Premiere Rating: 6.0/10

**This is probably the least flattering photo in the entire set on the CW's 90210 Web site, but I couldn't resist posting it since it's from the choreographed group dance number.

(photo: cwtv.com)