Gossip Girl: Lily of the Valley & Prom Queen B

Gossip Girl:

"Valley Girls"

A couple days before the well-hyped Lily (Rhodes) van der Woodsen (Bass) flashback backdoor pilot aired, rumors swirled that The CW isn't planning on putting the Lily spin-off on its fall schedule after all, and will instead opt to pick up Beautiful Life (featuring The O.C.'s Mischa Barton), the Melrose Place update (because why come up with a new idea when you can remake an old one?) and Vampire Diaries (to capitalize on the Twilight hysteria) and to renew Privileged (which, ironically, is one the only shows I've ever watched that I've actually called on the network to cancel). After watching Lily's flashback take over this episode of Gossip Girl, I can say that--if the rumors are true--not picking up the Lily spin-off is one of the few programming decisions The CW has made that I agree with.

I once wondered if Josh Schwartz could ever create a show that I wouldn't like, and now we have our answer. The Lily '80s flashback was just painful. It lacked the wit and charisma that a Josh Schwartz show typically thrives on. The characters (even the ones we already knew) were underdeveloped and stereotypical. The dialogue was unnatural and sometimes just bizarre. The whole thing was boring. And Lily was possibly even more annoying as a teenager than she is now (and that is a major feat).

Oh, and you know the flashback was bad if I'm trashing it even though it included several cast members whom I already love or at least like: Ryan Hansen (my beloved Dick Casablancas from Veronica Mars), Krysten Ritter (a veteran of Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars, who is currently so much better in Breaking Bad), Andrew McCarthy (who will always be Larry from Weekend at Bernie's to me), and Cynthia Watros from Lost.

But the worst part of the whole Lily flashback was that it stole precious screen time from the Gossip Girl characters that we love! (Except for Vanessa--Lily can have all of Vanessa's screentime as far as I'm concerned.) Even though the Gossip Girlers were just navigating the world of prom, which was certainly not earth-shattering by any means, I just wanted to watch them!

Highlights, lowlights and quotes:

• Blair: "Serena's been in jail for 4 hours! That's longer than Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan combined!"
• Chuck: "Please, she's a socialite accused of stealing a bracelet. I doubt they're working her over with a phone book."
• Rufus still sucks. He tells Dan and Jenny that one of their best friends was just arrested at the behest of her mother, and when they ask for more information, he just yells at them to not get involved. That's helpful.
• Lily's parents had a tumultuous divorce? Then why did Cece still have her husband's suits in her house at the Hamptons? (Remember, Dan had to borrow Serena's grandpa's jacket to go to the White Party.)
• Lily's dad: "Punishing loved ones just comes much easier to some people."
• We've established that in Margaret Colin and John Shea, Blair has the coolest parents ever. Lily has some cool ones too: Larry from Weekend at Bernie's and Libby from Lost. Except Lily's parents are both acting like jerks. Not that I feel too badly for her; she was just as annoying in the '80s as she is now.
• It's only happened twice, but I'm already sick of transitioning in and out from the flashbacks. The stupid, reflective look on Lily's face as she reminisces makes me gag.
• Ha ha, Blair's looking at the scrapbook (that she supposedly hasn't looked at since she was a child).
• Blair: "Just like my scrapbook I don't remember keeping and haven't looked at since I was an early adolescent!"
• Ha ha, is Chuck sabotaging Nate and Blair's dream prom? Because that's funny.
• Lily thinks Cece's toxic? Cece? Cece's probably the least toxic woman in this whole family.
• Limited editions of the Gossip Girl books are on sale that come with posters of the cast! Wow, I'm actually kind of excited about that; what am I, 12-years-old?
• Wow, young Lily, that was an overreaction (in the immortal words of Andy Bernard)! She didn't have to yell at the kid just for bumping into her.
• My sister: "This waiter dude is trying really hard to be Ryan Lafferty."
• Dan: "I'm sorry to bother you, but I can't leave Serena one more message and still call myself a man."
• Ahh! Scary! Poor Little J was just hanging out in her room when all of a sudden the garage door wall is thrown open by Dan, who is wearing only a t-shirt and purple boxers! Which is especially odd, because in the scene immediately proceeding that one, he was fully clothed while talking to Lily on the phone. So, he apparently stripped down to go talk to his little sister. Weirdo!
• Dan: "Hey, I think I need a dress for prom."
  Jenny: "Ok, but you're going to have to wear your own shoes."
• Good Lord, young Lily is annoying! "You're totally falling in love with me right now." SHUT UP! Trust me, no one is falling in love with you! Only Rufus is stupid enough to do that, and he doesn't come along for a couple more years.
• Oh, thank God, it's Ryan Hansen (who is rocking quite the hairdo)! He's about the only one who can save this horrendous flashback, but it's a tall order.
• Blair: "I've always tried to make my life resemble the movie in my head, and tonight no effort required!"
• Blair: "We don't do prom queen. That's for suburban schools and the lame teen comedies that are set at them."
• Serena's white nail polish really held up in prison! It still looks flawless.
• Can we see a flashback into Eleanor's past now? Because I guarantee it would be a hell of a lot more interesting than this.
• Kind of cliche '80s music they're using here. It's not bad; it's just exactly what everyone would think of when they think '80s music: "I Melt With You," "The Safety Dance," etc.
• Blair: "Well, I just spent 10 seconds talking to you, so consider yourself repaid."
• Is that dress supposed to be Jenny's? Because that might explain why Serena's boobs are popping out of it, but I'm not really sure her boobs would have ever fit in Jenny's dress in the first place. That really is just supposed to be one of Jenny's dresses--Little J didn't just sew that one up in a half hour, right? Because not even Jenny can sew that fast.
• Wow, everyone else must have gotten tired of Lily's "remembering face" too, because now they're not using any kind of transitions from past to present at all.
• Hey, shocker, the young Mr. van der Woodsen is a jerk.
• The part where Owen throws Lily's "Your falling in love with me," line back at her would have been funny if the whole thing (namely the acting in this scene) wasn't so painful.
• Eew, Carol slept with Lily's future husband? Yuck.
• Can we please get back to Blair and Chuck's scintillating conversation about the prom queen?
• Nice punch, Ryan Hansen! He learned that move during the battles between Logan's rich kids and Weevil's motorcycle gang in Veronica Mars season 2.
• Blair: "This is my moment! I own prom!"
• Dan: "Who even voted for her?"

  Chuck: "Me. About 150 times."
• Oh. My. God. Chuck's "sabotage" turned out to be him ensuring that Blair's prom night was perfect and just like her scrapbook. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww, Chuck!!!
• Cece would rather have twenty Dan Humphreys from Brooklyn than that one stupid guy from the Valley? I mean, that dude was no prize, but Dan can be all kinds of annoying at times. I can only imagine how grating twenty Dans would be.
• Ugh, I can't even listen to Lily and Cece have this fight. It's too boring.
• Nate is awfully complacent. Blair wants him: he's ok with that. Blair doesn't want him: he's ok with that too apparently.
• Blair: "Your quasi half-brother slash ex-boyfriend was your date."
• Serena: "We went through it together. We raised each other. You're my sister."
• The "we raised each other" sentiment is sweet, but it's also extremely true and explains a lot about B and S.
• BTW, while she's "raising" Blair, couldn't Serena mention that Chuck told her he loves Blair and that he went to extremely lengths to give her a perfect prom night?
• Next week: Blair says to Chuck--for the hundredth time--"Tell me you love me," and, darn it, if he doesn't just say it this time, I'm going to eat my right hand! Lol. Maybe not. But I will be severely angered.
• I do wonder what is happening with Georgie and Poppy.
• Let's hope that this year's GG finale is a little less manic and whip-lash inducing than last season's finale. Pick your story lines wisely and let them breathe a little, GG.

(photo: cwtv.com; I am refusing to post a photo from the flashback out of principle.)

Kyle XY: The Epic Post

Kyle XY:
I've been slacking off on both writing blog posts and watching Kyle XY, but I'm going to remedy that right now with this epic Kyle XY post. Four episodes, one post!

"In the Company of Men"
Classic. Turns out Drunk Kyle is all kinds of hilarious. His inebriated state reminded me of the good old days when he was completely socially inept and said and did inappropriate things all the time.

• Ugh--Josh trying to foist his porn magazines off on broken-hearted Kyle. Could Josh be any creepier?
• I loved when Nicole walked in on Jessi preparing to wipe Amanda completely out of Kyle's memory via some kind of electroshock therapy a la Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. Kyle was just sitting there looking so glum.
• Foss! Goodness, I'd forgotten all about him.
• Um, if they were trying to cheer Kyle up and get his mind off his breakup with Amanda, they probably shouldn't have taken him right to the coffeehouse where Amanda works. When Kyle isn't thinking for these people, they sure do act dumb.
• Jessi has such a quick temper.
• I'm glad Declan didn't let Josh drink. Josh is bad enough sober. And even if the bartenders don't check IDs, who would ever think Josh looks old enough to drink?
• Kyle should be used to girls smiling at him by now. I mean, it must happen constantly.
• Kyle: "I tried that once and I did not like it."
• Kyle: "Ha ha, I don't get it."
• Eew, Andy doesn't wear deodorant! Ok, now that I think about it, that doesn't surprise me.
• Kyle: "I haven't thought about Amanda for 6 minutes and 43 seconds."
• Dancing Kyle!!
• It was so cute/funny when Kyle told the boys he loves them.
• Hey, Jessi's right--the Latnok guy is too old for her.
• I would have thought that Kyle could sing better than this. I mean, he is something of a musical genius after all.
• Kyle's drunk antics were hilarious: arm wrestling, showing off his still impeccable motor skills, etc. Definitely went too far when he started showing off his ability to telepathically control electricity, however. That's something you should probably keep under your hat.
• Kyle: "I have enjoyed bonding with you."
• Kyle: "Oh, Mr. Grumpy!"
• Girl: "You're like a magician or something!"
  Kyle: "Nope, I was born in a pod. I'm a science experiment."
• Kyle: "You've been trying to call me what?"
• Josh: "Oh man, now my butt smells like cabbage."
• I hope Nicole shreds her old patient files instead of just leaving them loose in the garbage can. Especially Kyle's and Jessi's.
• Kyle busting through the fence instead of going over it was hilarious.
• So Kyle can alter the polarity of his liver.
• Why is it so eerily dark and creepy right outside the coffee shop's entrance? Eesh.
• Oh, Declan's pissy because of his ankle? Who knew? He looks like he's walking around ok to me...
• Ok, I know I can be pretty harsh toward Josh, but I must give credit where credit is due: anyone who can use the phrase "Kyle's humongous ralph" in a sentence without dying of laughter is pretty impressive.
• Cassidy: "She's a bit icy, isn't she?"
• Yeah, Kyle, you have already lost Amanda, so you don't have anything to lose by telling her the truth about your past in the pod. I rarely agree with Declan, and even more rarely agree with both Declan and Josh, but they've got a point here.
• Adam died?! Oh my. I've got to say that his initial reaction to hearing that news was hands down some of the best acting I've seen from Matt Dallas.
  

"Life Support"
The world's most sarcastic pregnant lady causes Kyle, Nicole and Josh to get into a car accident. For Kyle's next trick, he delivers a baby in the woods and then saves Nicole's life.

• Nicole: "When someone you love dies, it can take a while to make sense of it all."
  Josh: "Yeah, especially since Baylin technically died twice."
• Geez, Kyle, where are your heightened reflexes now? Can't he sense the presence of people and objects for miles? If Kyle ended up that far into the woods, I'd hate to see what would have happened if a normal person had been driving.
• Can't Kyle just pull the whole car up the hill? He has super strength.
• Hey, people, didn't we learn anything from the car accident that just happened? Don't stand in the middle of the street!
• Ha, the feisty pregnant chick just called Kyle a "dumb little bunny."
• Jessi: "You shouldn't wear this color; it looks better on me."
• Josh: "Lucky for you, Kyle's an expert at wood births."
• I think Kyle should run somewhere really, really fast and get help. He could be back before too much time has gone by.
• Gretchen: "Really? You have ultrasound hands?"
• Dude, Gretchen is having a quick labor. On TV shows, why is it that women who go into labor in the woods or in an elevator or somewhere that's not a hospital always have the baby so much faster than women who are in a hospital?
• Ha, did Gretchen just call Josh "excitable sidekick"? She's good at making up funny nicknames.
  
• Kyle's going to stimulate the baby with a little charge?! Kyle and Jessi really are putting this new electricity trick to a lot of use.
• Gretchen: "I'm going to name him 'dumb little bunny' after you!"
• Gretchen: "I hope he has an inny. Outy belly buttons are just weird."
  Josh: "Just be glad he has one."
• Steven: "You're better than this."
  Lori: "Am I? Because I sort of thought I was the one who picked fights and then stood around like an idiot while everyone else solved the problem."
• This doctor guy in charge doesn't wonder why he's never seen Kyle before?
• Too bad we can't solve Nicole's health issues by just giving her an electrical shock. Kyle knows how to do that. Oh, hey, he is going to give it a try.
• The Trager kids sure are beating up the equipment in the hospital waiting room.
• Hmm, here's some more proof that Latnok is not evil: they blackmail a kid by withholding medicine that will save his mother's life until he agrees to join them. Yep, that's just all kinds of honorable.
• O true Baylin, thy fluid is quick!
  

"Welcome to Latnok"
Kyle becomes the cutest boy to ride on a hoverboard since Harry Osborne (James Franco) in Spider-Man 3.

• Amanda: "Even though we're not... it doesn't mean you have to give up smoothies. I'd still make you one if you wanted me to."
  Kyle: "Amanda, I still like smoothies."
• Amanda: "How about lasagna?"
  Kyle: "A lasagna smoothie?"
• Whoa, Jessi's rocking a strapless top!
• Jessi: "What's the point of dumping you if she still wants to talk?"
• Hey, Lori still plays the guitar. It's been awhile.
• Lori: "I'm writing a song for my mom."
  Jessi: "Don't you want her to feel better?"
• Lori: "Don't you have anything else you could be doing? Like magically lighting small animals on fire."
• Jessi: "I need a favor."
  Lori: "And you've teed it up so successfully."
• I thought Lori and Jessi were going to be nice to each other. This is not working out so well.
• Nathanial Harrison is kind of hunky for a science genius.
• Cassidy: "He thinks I'm an idiot because I have the IQ of a normal person. I don't take it personally--I've got better hair."
• I'm not buying into this Latnok crap.
• Wait, Lori's boyfriend cleared $180,000 last year? Holy crap, I take it back: Latnok's awesome. Ha.
• Lori: "I could stand on the street corner with my guitar."
  Josh: "You'd do better without the guitar."
• A hoverboard competition? How convenient! Are there really hoverboard competitions?
• Josh: "I blackmailed them out of Lori."
  Andy: "What do you have on Lori?"
  Josh: "Nothing. I just inferred things. She's a very guilty person."
• Eew, Josh is going to rent out Jessi's apartment as a sex house? Yuck.
• Wow, Jessi is a disaster at keeping secrets. Disaster.
• Why doesn't Josh tell his friends to cancel their appointments by calling his cell phone?
• Wow, Lori caved. She's getting to be as bad as Jessi at keeping secrets.
• Why in the hell would Nate be surprised that Kyle has a girlfriend? Look at Kyle, people!
• Kyle is mad sexy when he's peeved.
• Kyle's going to make a hoverboard out of stereo speakers?
• Lori: "You know Kyle. Loves to have fun with science!"
• Um, Kyle, let Jessi help. The more geniuses involved with this, the better.
• I like how Kyle's wearing all these pads to ride the hoverboard when he could totally jump off the roof and land on the driveway and be just fine.
• Wow, how did Jessi just buy magnets from an online supplier and have them already? They were shipped to her the same afternoon she bought them? Holy crap. I would not be too surprised if she's lying and she did really get them from Latnok. It's either that or she knows something about online shopping that I don't.
  
• I still can't believe that there are hoverboard competitions.
  
• Kyle's not wearing his crash pads.
• Josh: "I hope that thing doesn't explode. 'Experimental' and 'prototype' are just synonyms for 'kaboom'."
• $50,000 for that?
• Sorry, Andy, I don't think Cleveland is worse than cancer. Having to move sucks, yes, but let's not be overly dramatic here. After all, there was a whole 30 Rock episode devoted to how awesome Cleveland is. We're all models west of the Allegheny.
  
• Didn't Kyle wonder where the lasagna came from?
• Wow, I know Kyle = extremely dense, but this takes the cake. After all this time, he seriously had no idea that Jessi didn't want him to be with Amanda and wanted him for herself? It's not like she ever even tried to pretend like that that's not how she felt.
  

"Chemistry 101"
Kyle and Jessi invent a kick-ass pheromone necklace that could make them even more money than that silly old hoverboard. And Kyle again makes the superhero's choice and decides that he can't let the girl in on his secrets.

• Jessi: "...or it may have been ebola."
• Josh: "What? Is it my fault Cleveland is so lame?"
• Jessi's wearing another tube top. I guess she's found her signature look.
• Wow, a scene with just Kyle, Amanda, and Nate is awkward. Not the most natural of actors, those three.
• Kyle: "How could Amanda want to go out with such a...such a jerk!"
  Lori: "Kyle! Language, please!"
• Nate is not that hot of a dirtbag. I've seen much hotter dirtbags.
• Jessi: "Hey, we could throw an ice party! We could have everyone dress in white like at Diddy's parties."
• Listening to Kyle and Jessi trying to figure out romantic relationships is painful. The party theme, however, is kind of brilliant.
• Ooh, according the the mood ring, Jessi's in a really bad mood.
• Yea! A hair pulling out (for DNA purposes) scene! Those are always fun. Brothers and Sisters had a really fun one when Kevin tried to pull out a strand of Rebecca's hair during a family dinner.
• Did we know that Josh had a Cabbage Patch doll a la Dan Humphrey?
• Lori: "Remove the competition. Eliminate her. I didn't mean that literally!"
• Pheromone necklaces! Kyle and Jessi need to secure a patent on these things, pronto! It's genius.
• Is it just me, or does Jessi shower more than everyone else in this family?
• Jessi: "I don't want to be Downer Doug, Party Police."
  Kyle: "What's that?"
  Jessi: "That's what they call you."
  Kyle: "They do?
  Jessi: "Yes."
  Kyle: "Oh!"
• Why is Kyle delegating doing research to Declan? Does that seem like a good idea? He did seem to do a pretty good job though, shockingly enough. Maybe post-basketball Declan can find employment as a private investigator or something.
• Lori: "You need to sexify!"
• Jessi: "Well, I definitely don't know how to do that."
• Gasp! Jessi tampered with Amanda's pheromone necklace! I knew it was going to happen, but still I'm aghast. Kyle's totally going to be able to figure out what happened, isn't he? I guess not...
• I'm not sure that Jessi's new look is any sexier than what she was wearing before, but whatever.
• Mark: "I'm an embarrassing shade of lavender."
• Oh, good, Declan needs some action.
• Declan thinks he's about 80% good guy? That might be a little generous. Remember the time he found out he had a bum ankle and then got into a fight with the guy at the impound lot?
• Amanda! Little hussy!
• Lori: "Oh please, don't play all Martha Stewart pre-jail with me!"
• Lori: "Kyle deserves a hell of a lot better than someone who would pull this kind of crap behind his back."
• For being such a pervy kid, Josh's pheromones should do glow an awfully lovely color.
• Jessi: "All he's ever done is love you with his whole heart."
• Aww, Jessi, that was sweet. Maybe she's about 80% good guy too ;-)
• Well, there goes Lori's class and poise beyond her years...
• Who wouldn't love you, Andy? Um, I think that would be me. Have fun in Cleveland.
• Oh, dear, Sarah didn't really leave by her own accord (and might be dead or held captive somewhere). Poor Jessi. She's having a rough night.
• Ha ha ha, so Kyle, Jessi and Amanda are all soulmates. I'd suggest that we settle this whole matter with some sort of menage a trois, but that sounds too much like something Josh would say.

Sigh. I'm going to miss Kyle when he's gone (and everybody else--to varying degrees--too).

(photo: abcfamily.com)

Premiere Watch '08: Brothers & Sisters

Brothers & Sisters: "Glass Houses"
I can't say that I was on pins and needles waiting for Brothers & Sisters to start up again, but they Walkers did suck me back in pretty quickly in this episode. Even when they're being whiny, the show is usually quite enjoyable.

• I'm glad Kitty made fun of Sarah's letter; it was extremely sappy.
• Ha! Nora really wrote it. Wait, Nora called herself "a friend to the world." Wow.
• I'm not sure I realized that Kevin was actually an employee of the Ojai company. I knew he did their legal work, but I didn't really think that he was getting paid.
• Kevin really shouldn't take all the Walkers to his boss' beach house. They'll wreck the place or burn it down or something.
• Oops, Paige and Cooper caught Justin and Rebecca in the act pretty easily. I'm surprised that Justin and Rebecca have managed to keep it a secret this long. They're a little pathetic.
• This beach house looks like the house in Weekend at Bernie's.
• Scotty: "I'd freak out too if I had random siblings popping up all the time."
• I just love Scotty. He's beyond adorable.
• Beautiful day or not, Tommy's always in a bad mood.
• The Walkers really did not seem to care that Justin is dating the girl they formerly believed to be their sister. Which is a little weird, because they seem to care a lot about most everything.
• Ha ha, Justin has to say that he broke the whale.
• Justin: "While we're telling the truth, I didn't break this damn whale."
• It's nice that people are finally calling Sarah on her crap. She can be really annoying.
• The problem between Sarah and Kitty is trust? I thought it was because Sarah doesn't understand how hard Kitty's life is. That's what Kitty said it was 10 minutes ago.
• Next week's promo: Kitty wrote a book and nobody knew about it? When did she have the time to do that? No wonder she was angry with Sarah for not finding the time to write the letter in a month.

Premiere Rating: 7.0/10

Greek: Spitting on Injustice...Figuratively.

Greek: "47 Hours and 11 Minutes"
Good episode. I really enjoyed the exploration into the Rusty/Casey/parents dynamic. It is interesting how everyone else thinks Casey's great and Rusty's a loser except Karen and Russell Cartwright, who think Rusty's perfect and Casey's "ridiculous." This situation has left both Casey and Rusty with some baggage, but it's nice to see them helping each other through it now. I really like it when Greek gets around to fleshing out (eew, maybe that's not the best term to use when talking about siblings...this isn't Brothers and Sisters or a Nabokov novel after all) Rusty and Casey's relationship.

And, G.D. (Dale joke, sorry), didn't Rusty bring his A-game in this episode! I don't know if Rusty's ever had so many funny lines in one episode. His attempts to keep the Cartwrights from find out what Kappa Tau is really like were hysterical. He wins the best lines of the night for:

Rusty: "[The fraternity] is closed this weekend because most of the guys are away in Mexico...building huts... It's for humanity...like Habitat for Humanity, but huts...so 'hubitat'."

and:

Karen (Rusty's mom): "Why did he call you 'Spitter'?"
Rusty: "That's my nickname... Yeah, I spit on injustice everywhere. Figuratively."

I can't say I was surprised that the K.T.s were able to successfully fake being a service frat for a night; they all are quite good at lying, sucking up, and B.S.ing. I also don't blame Casey for feeling the desperate need to expose them for what they are to her parents. A person can only listen to so much Kappa Tau-praise.

Best Dale Moment (notice how even when I'm raving about Rusty, I put a pic of Dale on my blog? I can't say "no" to that face...):

Dale: "When I told my parents about your descent into the Greek sect, my mother cried, and my father said 'G.D.' for the first time in his life."

Highlights/thoughts:

• Freshman Parents Weekend seems like it's occurring awfully late in the year. I thought they were normally held a few weeks into the fall semester. These kids are practically done being freshmen at this point.
• I didn't know/forgot that both of Rusty's parents are professors.
• Casey: "This is the first I'm hearing about the biscotti! ...Does anyone like biscotti?"
• Ohmygosh--Dale's parents brought an air mattress and are going to sleep on the floor in their dorm room!!!
• Parent: "I bet the G.P.A. of your fraternity is near 4.0."
  Rusty: "I'm not sure if anyone has added it up."
  Casey: "Or could."
• The geological tour girl was funny. Cappie/Rusty/Dale/Someone should date her.
• Cappie referenced Amelia Bedelia.
• Cappie/Casey seem to have an awful lot of heart-to-heart conversations.
• Did Casey tell her parents nothing about Cappie? Yeah, probably not.
• Beaver's gotten used to being "Charles"! And Beav is looking extra cute tonight.
• Oh, Rebecca, don't interrupt Cappie when he's going to tell us what he's studying! We came this close to finally finding out what his major is. (I'm pretty sure that's something they're never going to tell us...or at least not for a long while.)
• Cappie: "Why are you trying to make me look like Kevin Federline?"
• Russell (Rusty's dad): "Did you know that Ben Bennett is a kidney donor?"
• Dale: "I finally put on 'The Passion of the Christ' and said I was going to the bathroom... That was like an hour ago."
• Rusty: "Growing up is not a punishable offense."
• And, just to answer last week's question (even though I'm otherwise avoiding talking about Cappie and Rebecca), Rebecca ended up saying: "I think that I...you know, maybe, very possibly care about you." Ugh. At least it wasn't "I love you," but it was close to what I was fearing.
• Rusty: "Now I want to see a menu, and I want to see it now."
• I loved the last scene of Rusty and Casey making a mad dash out of the airport when they heard that their parents' flight had been delayed for 2 hours.

Why does ABC Family keep making Cappie/Rebecca scenes the hook at the end of the promos? Is them being gross supposed to make us want to watch? Eew. It doesn't. Stick to Casey or Rusty or Dale or solo Cappie.

(photo: abcfamily.com)

Premiere Watch '07: Viva Laughlin

Viva Laughlin:
Well, it wasn't easy, but CBS managed to put a show on at 10 p.m. on Thursday that was significantly worse than Big Shots.

I didn't think it could be done. Major congratulations are in order for Les Moonves, etc. The congratulations will, however, be quickly followed by questioning along the likes of: "WTF were you thinking?"

Ok, I don't particularly love musicals, but I really don't like whatever this was. It wasn't a musical because the actors were only kind of singing along with the actual songs. And they doing it in a half-assed manner reminiscent of Britney Spears at the VMAs. You couldn't even freaking hear them some of the time.

As stupid/bad as the songs were, I felt like there weren't enough of them because the spoken dialogue and plot were so much more awful! And, dude, the main character guy is replusive. And not in a House/Dexter/Boston Legal kind of way, but in a there's-nothing-remotely-likeable-or-redeemable-about-this-person-at-all kind of way.

I felt badly for some of the actors in the show who can do so much better (and have done better in the past): Senator McAllistor's brother from Brothers and Sisters (a.k.a. Rex from Days of Our Lives), Sherry Tinsdale from Gilmore Girls, and Professor Landry from Veronica Mars. I feel particularly badly for Prof. Landry because he was on Pushing Daisies just last week! That's a long way to fall in a very short amount of time.


Most of the time while watching Viva Laughlin, I honestly could not believe what my eyes were seeing and my ears were hearing. And not at all in a good way.

Premiere Rating: 1 / 10
(Well, I know it was worse than Big Shots, which got a 2.5, but I'm not really sure where to place this one in the 0 to 2 range. I'll go with a 1 because I suppose that somehow it could have been worse: they could have sung only Spice Girls and Celine Dion songs, they could have played a transexual hooker plot line for laughs, they could have aired a blank screen for an hour, etc.)

Premiere Watch '07: Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters

Desperate Housewives:
Well, I guess this episode was better than most of last season, but I still wasn't really feeling it. I guess I've gotten sick of these ladies and their myriad of secrets. I mean, is it wrong that I wish Edie had actually offed herself? At least now she's back to being the villain and we aren't expected to sympathize with her. I still largely despise Gabby. Susan's antics feel tired to me now. And Lynette has cancer, which is not very entertaining for anybody.

I still like Bree though. And Andrew. Their conversation brought about my favorite line of the episode, when Bree argued that admitting her daughter was a teen mother would put them on the slippery slope toward becoming white trash:

Bree: "We might as well sit on the porch and play banjos!"

Orson and Bree's bit with the "trick BBQ fork" was funny too. It would have been funnier if it hadn't been in the promos.

There wasn't a whole lot that captured my attention or imagination in this episode. That may partially be due to the fact that while I was watching, I was working of my first task for the Dunder Mifflin Infinity online game (we Watch With Kristin message board people finally got ourselves a branch after weeks of hard work!).

The new lady and her mystery aren't doing much for me yet.

I think it's weird that Mike wants a kid, seeing as he already has a kid (Zach Young) that he doesn't seem to ever talk to.

Am I asking too much to request that we have to witness no further scenes of Susan at the gynecologist's office?

Premiere Rating: 5 / 10

Brothers and Sisters:

Hmm, well this episode was okay. A lot of it felt awfully familiar. The Walkers are still pretty entertaining though.

I didn't like the webcam narration scenes that opened and closed the episode. Snooze. And I don't like that they're trying to make us think that Justin was killed in the war. Clearly the B&S people are not going to kill off Justin--and if they were, they'd surely save it for Sweeps. Come on, this isn't the first time I've ever turned on a TV set...

I was happy, however, that the episode included one of those huge scenes where everyone in the family is drinking and yelling at each other and spilling each other's secrets. This one was a doozy, with everyone getting particularly belligerent while waiting for a table at a Mexican restaurant:

• Kevin: "He's going to dump me for Shiva or a lifeguard or something."
• I especially enjoyed Uncle Saul telling Kevin to just shut up.
• Nora: "So maybe if you all could move your drunken asses, my family and I can sit down and eat a damn burrito."

Premiere Rating: 6.5 / 10

The Best of the 2006-2007 TV Season!!!

Most Shocking Moments:
"Through the Looking Glass" Lost -- We find out that Jack and Kate both make it off the island in a "game-changing" flash forward.

"In or Out" Ugly Betty -- The mysterious veiled figure is revealed to be not Fey Sommers as expected, but Alex Meade, post gender reassignment surgery!

Funniest Moments:
"The Return" The Office -- Jim and Pam hide Andy's cell phone in the ceiling, causing him to freak out and punch the wall. "That.....was an over-reaction." Yes, Andy Bernard, but it was a hilarious over-reaction.

"Beach Games" The Office -- Andy Bernard falls into the river wearing a blow-up sumo wrestling suit and floats away. Physical comedy at it's best.

"Gay Witch Hunt" The Office -- In the season three pilot, we see a quick flash of Roy's DUI mugshot... and he's a huge mess.

"Swag" Ugly Betty -- When Bradford finds out that Wilhelmina has been charging personal expenses to the magazine like, say, her "butt lift," she responds, "Well, good luck returning my ass!"

Funniest Characters:
Andy Bernard, The Office -- He's just a Cornell graduate trying to take over the world using three sure-fire tactics: name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a hand shake. As he is responsible for two of my Funniest Moments of the season, it doesn't take a degree from Cornell to conclude that Andy belongs in this category.

Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock -- I have an unnatural love for Tracy Morgan. Everything that comes out of his mouth is hilarious, including: his belief that vampires are the best golfers but we'll never know it, his admission that he steals dogs and does the robot backwards into Starbucks, his discovery of anagrams, and "the manatee becomes the mentor."

Justin and Marc, Ugly Betty -- Both the youth who loves jazz hands and the cattiest personal assistant at Mode stole every scene they were in this season.

Dick Casablancas, Veronica Mars -- It's funny. In college I came across literally hundreds (perhaps thousands) of boys who act just like Dick Casablancas and couldn't stand them at all. Yet I love this guy. I love how he's an unapologetic himbo and always ready and willing to say something wildly inappropriate. How amusing people like this are when you personally don't have to deal with them.

Best Performances in a Drama:
Ellen Pompeo, Grey's Anatomy -- Although her acting chops aren't usually the ones people mention when talking Grey's, Ellen really brought it this season. She was especially fantastic in the episode where Ellis miraculously becomes lucid. Watching the look on Meredith face when her mother complains that she's ordinary is like getting kicked in the stomach and Pompeo nailed the confrontational speech and subsequent realization that her mother's Alzheimer's is back. And, showing her range, pre-appendectomy drugged-up Meredith was a riot early in the season and a breath of fresh air in the over-drama that was the third season of Grey's.

T.R. Knight, Grey's Anatomy -- T.R. may not have had the best material to work with this season (even though he leveraged his gayness to get better plots according to Crazy Isaiah Story #3), but he absolutely nailed what he got. His ability to thrive in the extremely drawn-out story line about Burke's hand and the torturous Gizzie scenes proves his value to this show.

Sally Field, Brothers and Sisters -- We like her! We really, really like her! Sally was spot-on throughout the season as Nora, the glue that held the Walkers and this show together. She excelled in both the dramatic moments of dealing with her late-husband's infidelity (the late-night swim comes to mind) and the comedic moments (like the food fight with the mistress) that were my favorite part of the show.

Best Episodes:
"Spit and Eggs" Veronica Mars -- Veronica solves the case and quickly becomes the target of the psycho-villain. It's a cliche on this show for a reason. Making this time even more exciting, Veronica ran frantically down a hallway to dance music, a la vintage Alias. If only all rapists got stabbed by a unicorn horn. Add a crazy Piznarski dance, Wallace talking about "pity balloons," some classic Mac, and Logan smashing a cop car to get in jail to beat the living daylights out of Mercer and you've got one of the best hours of TV this year.

"The Bitch is Back" Veronica Mars -- "After all these years, do you not instinctively fear me?" Veronica asks, and if we didn't, we sure do now. Do not mess with V. In the series' last ep, Veronica goes after the people who posted a sex tape of her on the web, and with friends like Wallace, Weevil, and Logan to mess up cars, go undercover into secret societies, and punch mobsters, she's going to take the bad guys down. And don't forget Keith, whose attempt to cover for his daughter results in the two of them becoming the outcasts they were when the series began. That's called coming full circle, kids, but it's a shame that the CW canceled this amazing show with so much story left to tell.

"Through the Looking Glass" Lost -- It's a flash forward! Whoa! And even though Future Jack seems even more depressed that Present Jack and Past Jack, this episode was one of the best of the year thanks to Sayid snapping an Other's neck with his feet, Hurley and his van saving the day, Sawyer avenging Walt, Charlie's Alias Season 1 finale-esque drowning, the obscured newspaper clipping, the funeral parlor anagram, the mystery man in the coffin, and Kate and Jack's clandestine meeting. Oh, the Alice in Wonderland reference in the episode title is pretty darn cool too.

"Company Man" Heroes -- Heroes really found its stride in this episode, narrowing its focus to the events taking place in the Bennet house as several heroes clash together. Some Lost-style story telling gives us new insights into Noah Bennet's character and he has the Haitian erase his memory to protect Claire Bear.

"The End's Not Near, It's Here" The O.C. -- I've said it before, and I'll say it again: The O.C. rocked it's series finale. The saying good-bye to the Cohen house, the Seth/Ryan hug, the new baby Cohen, the new old house in Berkeley, the few acknowledgements that Marissa Cooper existed and that we loved her, the Julie Cooper college graduation, the Seth/Summer wedding, and the architect Ryan helping out a kid all combined for the perfect ending to one of the coolest shows ever.

Best New Shows:
Heroes, Men In Trees, 30 Rock

Best Comedy:
The Office

Extended Weekend Recap

The Office:
This episode was fantastic. Give me super-sized Office any day of the week. I could watch a 3 hour episode of The Office and not get tired of it. Heck, I would work at Dunder Mifflin if I could :-)

Highlights:

• Jim making blindfolded Karen step over imaginary "big holes" during the egg race.
• Dwight and Ryan getting into a fight during the egg race.
• Oscar's decision that he'll transfer if Dwight gets Michael's job and his boyfriend can come if he wants to, but if not, he was looking for a way to get out of that relationship anyway.
• Stanley taking Jim out during the sumo wrestling contest.
• Michael looking for someone to replace him with the charisma of "a Hope or a Bynes."
• Pam working up the guts to set Jim and everyone else straight. Good girl, Pammy!

And one of the highlights of this entire television season:

• Andy Bernard falling into the lake in his sumo outfit and floating way! Freaking hysterical. I still laugh just thinking about it. What was he even trying to do, anyway? I hope someone found him and pulled him out of the lake eventually.

Grey's Anatomy:

Thatcher is out of control. Does he really blame Meredith for this? Meredith? Not the chief or Bailey, who were the people actually in charge Susan's care? And it was real supportive of everyone else to just stand around and let him yell at Meredith, when they know he's already smacked her? Geez. Somebody help the poor girl out.

Oh, and add Derek Shepherd to the list of TV characters who need kicked in the face. Geez! Is he seriously mad at Meredith for not telling him about her test disaster? Literally, all the poor girl could do was sit in the waiting room staring straight ahead. She was not in the state to function properly--that's why she couldn't take the test in the first place! Everyone else who cares about Mere looked around the hospital for her to see how she was. Derek is incapable of that? He's acting like such a loser. Cowboy up, McDreamy, for God's sake.

Suddenly Addison's mantra of Derek "emotionally checking out" of their marriage months before she hooked up with Steamy seems to be ringing true. Also now appearing to be prophetic is McVet's warning to Meredith that Derek would hurt her again. Ugh. Bar slut/Reunion girl can have him.

Traveler:

I was so excited about this show (I've been looking forward to it for a year now) and I keep forgetting to watch my tape of it! Oops. I am glad to see that Trey Atwood in a role where he's not attacking Marissa Cooper.

Without a Trace:

Worst. Season. Finale. Ever.

Desperate Housewives:

I actually enjoyed this episode! (Well, at least the first half of it.) Yea! Susan was funny, Edie had some funny moments, and Gaby's comment that marriage to Susan might make Mike miss the coma was great. But then came the Lynette storyline. Ugh. She kind of deserved that bump on the head. Cancer, though, definitely not good. At least Bree's coming back next week! Yea!

Brothers and Sisters:

Tearjerker. Even though little William died, I think Tommy and Julia made the right choice to not having one twin's kidney transplanted into the other baby. Kidney transplants in premature babies have got to be extremely risky. This way, at least they still have Elizabeth Walker.

I think my other favorite part was Kevin taking down the guy who wanted to blackmail the Senator.

Unfortunately, there were no drunken secret-spilling scenes. Maybe next week.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

Amazing Race:
Hmm, Eric and Danielle won. Great. I heard that they have broken up post-race. Which means that Eric is available, ladies. Lucky freaking us....

Desperate Housewives:
I'm not even going to dignify this episode with a response.

Brothers and Sisters:
By far, my favorite moments of this show happen when the brothers and sisters are drunk and spilling each other's secrets. Drunk Kitty and drunk Kevin were the highlights of the episode for me. And Nora and Holly's food fight was pretty amusing too.

Thankfully, we're finally rid of Nora's creepy writing professor. All it took was Holly "showing him her grapes." :-)

Best line:
Kevin's "I don't know why I'm saying these things! It's like I have Tourette's!"

Is it just me, or did the previews for next week's ep make it look like Tommy's twins are conjoined? Hopefully the doctors would have figured that out by now though. I can't think of another show ever having a main character have conjoined twin babies before. I guess we'll see...

Sweeps? Really?

OK, I was excited by the Thursday night sweeps offerings, but the Sunday night offerings? Not too impressive. At least not the ones I was watching.

Amazing Race:
My Ozzy and Danny are headed home :-( I'm bummed, but not super bummed because in the last few legs even those two normally fun-loving, positive guys had become a bit testy. I guess that's a benefit of teams like Charla and Myrna and Eric and Danielle--they've been annoying all along, so the stress of the race will never really make you like them any less than you already did in the first place. I guess now I'm rooting for the Beauty Queens...that is if I even remember to watch next week, which honestly might not happen.

OMG though, I can't believe Ozzy said, "Teletubbies go to war." So mean! But absolutely the highlight of the night. That and the final interview with Ozzy and Danny where Danny was talking about how someday Ozzy would be wheeling him into the old folks home.

Desperate Housewives:
OK, Marcia Cross, your two infant daughters cannot possible need you more right now than this show does.

Bree-less DH keeps getting more and more painful. Who is writing this stuff? Um, let's have the one old lady have her dead husband in the freezer!.....but she's just doing it to collect his pension....so it's really all ok.....the community will like her again.....but, uh, so why did we write this story line in the first place if it doesn't change anything?......well, it's just seemed like it was time for someone else on this same freaking street to have a dead person in their freezer/basement/backyard....

To recap the rest:
Lynette: ugh. Gaby: ugh. Edie: ugh. Mike: ugh.

Marcia, please hire a nanny and get your butt back to that set as soon as you possible can. If you don't hurry, there may not be anyone left watching when you do return.

Brothers and Sisters:
Also kind of painful this week. Not painfully bad like DH, but just kind of painful. I'm not really sure who to like with this whole Rebecca/Sarah's husband/Sarah stuff. I guess it's more realistic this way, having it be all messy and everyone sharing in some of the blame, than it would be to have Rebecca unequivocally be an evil temptress. So, congrats on that, I guess, but it's still not much fun to watch.

Poor Tommy wasn't even in this one (again). And where was my Sloane? I miss Ron Rifkin! Is it too much to ask for them to write a storyline where where Uncle Saul plots something evil? Or like seems to be running a terrorist cell within the U.S. disguised as a branch of the CIA? Or even chasing down the drawings of a prophetic 15th century scientist?

And Nora's teacher/boyfriend is seriously creepy. She can do soooo much better. She's Sally Field for crying out loud.