Kyle XY: The Epic Post

Kyle XY:
I've been slacking off on both writing blog posts and watching Kyle XY, but I'm going to remedy that right now with this epic Kyle XY post. Four episodes, one post!

"In the Company of Men"
Classic. Turns out Drunk Kyle is all kinds of hilarious. His inebriated state reminded me of the good old days when he was completely socially inept and said and did inappropriate things all the time.

• Ugh--Josh trying to foist his porn magazines off on broken-hearted Kyle. Could Josh be any creepier?
• I loved when Nicole walked in on Jessi preparing to wipe Amanda completely out of Kyle's memory via some kind of electroshock therapy a la Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. Kyle was just sitting there looking so glum.
• Foss! Goodness, I'd forgotten all about him.
• Um, if they were trying to cheer Kyle up and get his mind off his breakup with Amanda, they probably shouldn't have taken him right to the coffeehouse where Amanda works. When Kyle isn't thinking for these people, they sure do act dumb.
• Jessi has such a quick temper.
• I'm glad Declan didn't let Josh drink. Josh is bad enough sober. And even if the bartenders don't check IDs, who would ever think Josh looks old enough to drink?
• Kyle should be used to girls smiling at him by now. I mean, it must happen constantly.
• Kyle: "I tried that once and I did not like it."
• Kyle: "Ha ha, I don't get it."
• Eew, Andy doesn't wear deodorant! Ok, now that I think about it, that doesn't surprise me.
• Kyle: "I haven't thought about Amanda for 6 minutes and 43 seconds."
• Dancing Kyle!!
• It was so cute/funny when Kyle told the boys he loves them.
• Hey, Jessi's right--the Latnok guy is too old for her.
• I would have thought that Kyle could sing better than this. I mean, he is something of a musical genius after all.
• Kyle's drunk antics were hilarious: arm wrestling, showing off his still impeccable motor skills, etc. Definitely went too far when he started showing off his ability to telepathically control electricity, however. That's something you should probably keep under your hat.
• Kyle: "I have enjoyed bonding with you."
• Kyle: "Oh, Mr. Grumpy!"
• Girl: "You're like a magician or something!"
  Kyle: "Nope, I was born in a pod. I'm a science experiment."
• Kyle: "You've been trying to call me what?"
• Josh: "Oh man, now my butt smells like cabbage."
• I hope Nicole shreds her old patient files instead of just leaving them loose in the garbage can. Especially Kyle's and Jessi's.
• Kyle busting through the fence instead of going over it was hilarious.
• So Kyle can alter the polarity of his liver.
• Why is it so eerily dark and creepy right outside the coffee shop's entrance? Eesh.
• Oh, Declan's pissy because of his ankle? Who knew? He looks like he's walking around ok to me...
• Ok, I know I can be pretty harsh toward Josh, but I must give credit where credit is due: anyone who can use the phrase "Kyle's humongous ralph" in a sentence without dying of laughter is pretty impressive.
• Cassidy: "She's a bit icy, isn't she?"
• Yeah, Kyle, you have already lost Amanda, so you don't have anything to lose by telling her the truth about your past in the pod. I rarely agree with Declan, and even more rarely agree with both Declan and Josh, but they've got a point here.
• Adam died?! Oh my. I've got to say that his initial reaction to hearing that news was hands down some of the best acting I've seen from Matt Dallas.
  

"Life Support"
The world's most sarcastic pregnant lady causes Kyle, Nicole and Josh to get into a car accident. For Kyle's next trick, he delivers a baby in the woods and then saves Nicole's life.

• Nicole: "When someone you love dies, it can take a while to make sense of it all."
  Josh: "Yeah, especially since Baylin technically died twice."
• Geez, Kyle, where are your heightened reflexes now? Can't he sense the presence of people and objects for miles? If Kyle ended up that far into the woods, I'd hate to see what would have happened if a normal person had been driving.
• Can't Kyle just pull the whole car up the hill? He has super strength.
• Hey, people, didn't we learn anything from the car accident that just happened? Don't stand in the middle of the street!
• Ha, the feisty pregnant chick just called Kyle a "dumb little bunny."
• Jessi: "You shouldn't wear this color; it looks better on me."
• Josh: "Lucky for you, Kyle's an expert at wood births."
• I think Kyle should run somewhere really, really fast and get help. He could be back before too much time has gone by.
• Gretchen: "Really? You have ultrasound hands?"
• Dude, Gretchen is having a quick labor. On TV shows, why is it that women who go into labor in the woods or in an elevator or somewhere that's not a hospital always have the baby so much faster than women who are in a hospital?
• Ha, did Gretchen just call Josh "excitable sidekick"? She's good at making up funny nicknames.
  
• Kyle's going to stimulate the baby with a little charge?! Kyle and Jessi really are putting this new electricity trick to a lot of use.
• Gretchen: "I'm going to name him 'dumb little bunny' after you!"
• Gretchen: "I hope he has an inny. Outy belly buttons are just weird."
  Josh: "Just be glad he has one."
• Steven: "You're better than this."
  Lori: "Am I? Because I sort of thought I was the one who picked fights and then stood around like an idiot while everyone else solved the problem."
• This doctor guy in charge doesn't wonder why he's never seen Kyle before?
• Too bad we can't solve Nicole's health issues by just giving her an electrical shock. Kyle knows how to do that. Oh, hey, he is going to give it a try.
• The Trager kids sure are beating up the equipment in the hospital waiting room.
• Hmm, here's some more proof that Latnok is not evil: they blackmail a kid by withholding medicine that will save his mother's life until he agrees to join them. Yep, that's just all kinds of honorable.
• O true Baylin, thy fluid is quick!
  

"Welcome to Latnok"
Kyle becomes the cutest boy to ride on a hoverboard since Harry Osborne (James Franco) in Spider-Man 3.

• Amanda: "Even though we're not... it doesn't mean you have to give up smoothies. I'd still make you one if you wanted me to."
  Kyle: "Amanda, I still like smoothies."
• Amanda: "How about lasagna?"
  Kyle: "A lasagna smoothie?"
• Whoa, Jessi's rocking a strapless top!
• Jessi: "What's the point of dumping you if she still wants to talk?"
• Hey, Lori still plays the guitar. It's been awhile.
• Lori: "I'm writing a song for my mom."
  Jessi: "Don't you want her to feel better?"
• Lori: "Don't you have anything else you could be doing? Like magically lighting small animals on fire."
• Jessi: "I need a favor."
  Lori: "And you've teed it up so successfully."
• I thought Lori and Jessi were going to be nice to each other. This is not working out so well.
• Nathanial Harrison is kind of hunky for a science genius.
• Cassidy: "He thinks I'm an idiot because I have the IQ of a normal person. I don't take it personally--I've got better hair."
• I'm not buying into this Latnok crap.
• Wait, Lori's boyfriend cleared $180,000 last year? Holy crap, I take it back: Latnok's awesome. Ha.
• Lori: "I could stand on the street corner with my guitar."
  Josh: "You'd do better without the guitar."
• A hoverboard competition? How convenient! Are there really hoverboard competitions?
• Josh: "I blackmailed them out of Lori."
  Andy: "What do you have on Lori?"
  Josh: "Nothing. I just inferred things. She's a very guilty person."
• Eew, Josh is going to rent out Jessi's apartment as a sex house? Yuck.
• Wow, Jessi is a disaster at keeping secrets. Disaster.
• Why doesn't Josh tell his friends to cancel their appointments by calling his cell phone?
• Wow, Lori caved. She's getting to be as bad as Jessi at keeping secrets.
• Why in the hell would Nate be surprised that Kyle has a girlfriend? Look at Kyle, people!
• Kyle is mad sexy when he's peeved.
• Kyle's going to make a hoverboard out of stereo speakers?
• Lori: "You know Kyle. Loves to have fun with science!"
• Um, Kyle, let Jessi help. The more geniuses involved with this, the better.
• I like how Kyle's wearing all these pads to ride the hoverboard when he could totally jump off the roof and land on the driveway and be just fine.
• Wow, how did Jessi just buy magnets from an online supplier and have them already? They were shipped to her the same afternoon she bought them? Holy crap. I would not be too surprised if she's lying and she did really get them from Latnok. It's either that or she knows something about online shopping that I don't.
  
• I still can't believe that there are hoverboard competitions.
  
• Kyle's not wearing his crash pads.
• Josh: "I hope that thing doesn't explode. 'Experimental' and 'prototype' are just synonyms for 'kaboom'."
• $50,000 for that?
• Sorry, Andy, I don't think Cleveland is worse than cancer. Having to move sucks, yes, but let's not be overly dramatic here. After all, there was a whole 30 Rock episode devoted to how awesome Cleveland is. We're all models west of the Allegheny.
  
• Didn't Kyle wonder where the lasagna came from?
• Wow, I know Kyle = extremely dense, but this takes the cake. After all this time, he seriously had no idea that Jessi didn't want him to be with Amanda and wanted him for herself? It's not like she ever even tried to pretend like that that's not how she felt.
  

"Chemistry 101"
Kyle and Jessi invent a kick-ass pheromone necklace that could make them even more money than that silly old hoverboard. And Kyle again makes the superhero's choice and decides that he can't let the girl in on his secrets.

• Jessi: "...or it may have been ebola."
• Josh: "What? Is it my fault Cleveland is so lame?"
• Jessi's wearing another tube top. I guess she's found her signature look.
• Wow, a scene with just Kyle, Amanda, and Nate is awkward. Not the most natural of actors, those three.
• Kyle: "How could Amanda want to go out with such a...such a jerk!"
  Lori: "Kyle! Language, please!"
• Nate is not that hot of a dirtbag. I've seen much hotter dirtbags.
• Jessi: "Hey, we could throw an ice party! We could have everyone dress in white like at Diddy's parties."
• Listening to Kyle and Jessi trying to figure out romantic relationships is painful. The party theme, however, is kind of brilliant.
• Ooh, according the the mood ring, Jessi's in a really bad mood.
• Yea! A hair pulling out (for DNA purposes) scene! Those are always fun. Brothers and Sisters had a really fun one when Kevin tried to pull out a strand of Rebecca's hair during a family dinner.
• Did we know that Josh had a Cabbage Patch doll a la Dan Humphrey?
• Lori: "Remove the competition. Eliminate her. I didn't mean that literally!"
• Pheromone necklaces! Kyle and Jessi need to secure a patent on these things, pronto! It's genius.
• Is it just me, or does Jessi shower more than everyone else in this family?
• Jessi: "I don't want to be Downer Doug, Party Police."
  Kyle: "What's that?"
  Jessi: "That's what they call you."
  Kyle: "They do?
  Jessi: "Yes."
  Kyle: "Oh!"
• Why is Kyle delegating doing research to Declan? Does that seem like a good idea? He did seem to do a pretty good job though, shockingly enough. Maybe post-basketball Declan can find employment as a private investigator or something.
• Lori: "You need to sexify!"
• Jessi: "Well, I definitely don't know how to do that."
• Gasp! Jessi tampered with Amanda's pheromone necklace! I knew it was going to happen, but still I'm aghast. Kyle's totally going to be able to figure out what happened, isn't he? I guess not...
• I'm not sure that Jessi's new look is any sexier than what she was wearing before, but whatever.
• Mark: "I'm an embarrassing shade of lavender."
• Oh, good, Declan needs some action.
• Declan thinks he's about 80% good guy? That might be a little generous. Remember the time he found out he had a bum ankle and then got into a fight with the guy at the impound lot?
• Amanda! Little hussy!
• Lori: "Oh please, don't play all Martha Stewart pre-jail with me!"
• Lori: "Kyle deserves a hell of a lot better than someone who would pull this kind of crap behind his back."
• For being such a pervy kid, Josh's pheromones should do glow an awfully lovely color.
• Jessi: "All he's ever done is love you with his whole heart."
• Aww, Jessi, that was sweet. Maybe she's about 80% good guy too ;-)
• Well, there goes Lori's class and poise beyond her years...
• Who wouldn't love you, Andy? Um, I think that would be me. Have fun in Cleveland.
• Oh, dear, Sarah didn't really leave by her own accord (and might be dead or held captive somewhere). Poor Jessi. She's having a rough night.
• Ha ha ha, so Kyle, Jessi and Amanda are all soulmates. I'd suggest that we settle this whole matter with some sort of menage a trois, but that sounds too much like something Josh would say.

Sigh. I'm going to miss Kyle when he's gone (and everybody else--to varying degrees--too).

(photo: abcfamily.com)