Gossip Girl: Damages

Gossip Girl:
"Carnal Knowledge"

After a second season full of many awesome episodes of Gossip Girl, this one was just good. Or maybe even just ok. The main problems were these:

• After Blair's speech about going into battle at the end of last week's episode, I really expected her to come up with a more impressive scheme to take down Miss Rachel Carr (New Teacher) than just posting a rumor on Gossip Girl. I could have come up with that--evil genius Blair Waldorf should be able to think up something so much better.
• Yet again Dan and Serena invented some silly reason to break up. We've only seen that happen at least 10 times already...
• I wonder when exactly I came to hate Dan Humphrey. He was absolutely my favorite part of the first two episodes of GG (remember The Wave? So cute). But now, I seriously detest everything about him.
  
• Chuck should not be left muddling through his own random subplot. Yes, I love Chuck. Yes, I'd watch him do about anything. But, no, we don't need to test my limits. Give him something to do other than tracking down high class escorts/nannies that have connections to secret societies. Personally I don't really care about what Bart was up to.
  
• Are we still pushing this Nate/Vanessa thing? It's time to abandon the sinking ship, folks.
• And, why is it that when we see a lot of Jenny Humphrey, I want to see much, much less of her, but when she makes herself scarce, I seriously miss her?

All that said, any episode of Gossip Girl has it's share of awesome quotes. Here's a list of some of them mixed with some of my other thoughts on "Carnal Knowledge":

• Since when does getting detention mean you have to pick up trash in the park? At Constance? Rich people allow this?
• Dorota: "Miss Blair, your martyr act: no good."
• Chuck! Why are you so hungover and slovenly today? I thought maybe we'd moved on from that. Guess not.
• Ha, Nelly's the only one of the minions not mouthing off to Blair, yet Blair knocks her book on the ground.
• No cell phone usage during school hours? These poor kids are going to die.
• Hazel's withdraw symptoms are causing her to air text.
• Dorota's spy sunglasses are hot.
• Blair: "Nelly Yuki, get a grip!"
• Why isn't Nate in school? Or Chuck? I mean I know that Vanessa is "home schooled" (which in her case means "not schooled at all"), but Nate and Chuck should be in school. I guess spring semester seniors at these schools really do get free passes like 14-year-old gymnasts...
• Chuck is sporting a hot new haircut.
• And Vanessa's sporting the neon-est of green pants ever. Eew.
• Um, she was wearing a mask--how does Chuck know that she was "the most beautiful woman [he'd] ever seen"?
• Oh, Blair just fell into this one. You barely even need to make something up here; Dan's practically feeling Miss Carr up in the middle of the hallway.
• Dan: "I'm glad that you're not wearing that raccoon makeup anymore. You looked like one of The Incredibles."
• Ha, I love that Jenny doesn't believe Dan when he tells her he's not hooking up with his teacher! She certainly has a low opinion of her brother.
• It's impressive that everyone in school knows what's on Gossip Girl even though they don't have their cell phones.
• Oh, come on! Annoying New Teacher (Rachel) is trying to ruin everything! Don't mess with Gossip Girl! Gossip Girl is an institution.
• Nelly Yuki! I'm shocked and appalled. She sold Blair out at the drop of a hat. And I don't think I understand why--why does she think it's her record or Blair's? No one thought Nelly started the rumor, so why would her record be in jeopardy?
• They're expelling Blair for starting a rumor?! That seems a little harsh.
• Hmm, I love John Shea something awful, but I kind of wish Eleanor were around to help handle this situation. Harold is a little blind to Blair's faults.
• Hahaha, Rufus thinks Dan's banging the teacher too!
• Why does New Teacher (Rachel) find it so important to be Serena and Dan's "friend"? That's totally not her job; she's being paid to be their teacher.
• Blair: "Dorota, give Handsome to a homeless man. Make sure he has kind eyes."
• Whoa, no wonder New Teacher (Rachel) doesn't know about Gossip Girl, she still uses an old-school date book.
• Chuck: "I'm late for my chiropractor. She's double-jointed. It makes the Kama Sutra feel new again."
• No, New Teacher, Dan is NOT your friend. If you need friends in the city, find somewhere else (besides the school you work in) to meets some! She is really asking for trouble--hanging out after school in a cafe with the student she's rumored to be banging?
  
• Holy moly! Dan, I don't care what is going on, never touch your teacher's face and/or hair!! Eew!
• Yea Serena! Way to take that picture! (I hope the glass window doesn't cause any problems with the photo quality.)
• I wonder if this secret society that Chuck's stumbled onto has anything to do with the secret society that Veronica Mars was investigating at the end of season 3? The Castle, I think they were called. Because if this subplot leads to a meeting between Chuck Bass and Veronica Mars, I will be wholeheartedly on board!
• Oberlin will take Blair even though she's been expelled?
• Blair: "Dorota, go get my dog back!"
• There aren't a whole lot of parents at this meeting.
• Why is New Teacher even at this meeting?
• Blair: "I believe it's called exculpatory evidence. I love Damages!" Ha ha ha, I bet Blair watches Damages to get new ideas for schemes and blackmail.
• Look, Serena, I don't care if he didn't kiss her--he shouldn't be touching her darn face!
• Dan: "I told you nothing was going on!" Then why were you touching her darn face?
• No, Dan, Miss Carr is the one should be punished. She is a professional; you are just a stupid, stupid kid.
• Whoa, Miss Carr has a hell of a nice apartment considering she claims to be such a poor, sad sack.
• Blair (to Handsome): "Ramon got you a Chanel beret."
• Aww, I'm going to miss Handsome.
• Oh, darn, Elle's gone missing. That's too bad.
• Well, Miss Carr's not a teacher now so why shouldn't Dan sleep with her?... Argh! Humphrey, where is your strict moral code now?
• And then of course Miss Carr's firing doesn't stick. Which sucks because I want this loser gone. Geez, why isn't there somebody with a camera phone hiding in Rachel's apartment?
• Gossip Girl has developed quite the knack for introducing guest characters with several episode story arcs, who show up and seem ok at first but then rapidly become so unredeemably annoying that there's no choice but to ship them off ASAP. (Examples: Georgina Sparks, Lord Marcus, Agnes, Jack Bass, Aaron Rose, etc.)
  

(photo: cwtv.com)