Greek: Moving On

Greek:
"Legacy"

This is it. I've been dreading this moment for weeks, but now it's upon us: the series finale of Greek. One last hurrah with our favorite CRU students.

I'll begin with one last Greek play-by-play, and then I'll get all sentimental at the end of the post.

Highlights and my observations:

• Is Rusty wearing the same flannel shirt that Evan was wearing last week? That would be scandalous. (Ok, I've looked into it, and can confirm that it is NOT the same shirt. I guess it would be a little late in the game to open the Rusty-and-Evan-have-a-secret-romance can of worms...)
• Finals already?! Fastest Greek semester ever!
• Evan! Evan's broken hand!
• Evan says "nothing" is up with his broken hand/arm.
• Um, Casey and Evan aren't really going to be able to come up with "what the KTs are going to try to pull" to save their house. It's hard for non-KTs to think like KTs.
• Actually, Evan, Casey Cartwright stops "thinking about her future" on a fairly frequent basis.
• Calvin has picked accounting as his major. He does not sound too convincing though when he says he loves it. Uh oh.
• Aww, Rusty gave Ashleigh a name tag for her new office.
• Dale's second cousin Barry got married last week and he hadn't left the house in five years!
• Dale: "You don't think it's us, do you?"
• LOL at Dale offering a long list of all the "horrible" Matthew McConaughey movies and still never hitting on the one Rebecca was referring to (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past).
• Ha at both Cartwrights accidentally breaking things upon entering the KT house.
• Oh no, Pledge Spidey's dad is Villian X. Suddenly things make sense. I didn't see it coming; I was blinded by my love of Jonathan Silverman as Richard in Weekend at Bernies.
• YEEAAAAAA! It's a good-old KT brainstorming session! These scenes are seriously one of the best parts of Greek.
• Beaver suggests they try a plan based on the plot of Up but attributes it to something he saw on 20/20!
• Rusty: "You can't blame Luke Skywalker for being Darth Vader's son."
  KT: "Spoiler alert!"
• Cappie: "Pledge Spidey, bring me the action figures! And the Barbies! We're going to need them all!"
• Casey calling Evan "Evan Bacon." LOL.
• Heath, Calvin, Beaver and Ashleigh's "tourist" disguises.
• Wow! Dale's even helping too!
• Tour guide: "Have I told you about our house rabbit adoption center?"
• Ha at Casey yelling "Oh!" in surprise upon seeing Cappie in the organic cafe.
• This is epic.
• And now Rebecca is pretending to be Ashleigh. This is a complicated plan.
  
• Ash's big glasses are cute.
• Evan nailed Beaver's balloon scheme on the head!
• Cappie can graduate!
• Casey: "You accidentally graduated?!"
• Casey: "I get it. Go to her!"
• Rebecca: "So, I got an e-mail from Robin. She says we didn't work out because I'm not a lesbian."
• Dale: "Why didn't we ever work out?"
  Laura: "You don't like to sweat?"
• While I'm not totally on board with Laura being the future Mrs. Kettlewell, the kiss was worth it to see Rebecca getting shoved into the cake.
• Oh, poor Rusty's breaking down.
• IT'S WADE!!!!!!!!!!!! Wade's looking cute with his new haircut!
• Katherine! Aw, Katherine's going to share a KT story! And her story is that she lost her virginity in the KT house... Yikes.
• It's Jen K.! Has she been around this whole time?! She says she regrets writing the article. But she's the editor of the CRU paper, so I guess it worked out for her.
• Oh no, Mr. Parks just singled out Casey and Evan to explain why the house should be torn down. How is that their jobs as law students, exactly?
• Come on, Evan, be a nice person! YEA!!! Evan did the right thing! Good for Evan.
• (Why did they want Evan and Casey to speak anyway if they were just going to tear the house down no matter what? No consensus was reached. Why even bother trying to talk the "protesters" into it?)
• Oh, Beaver! Oh, Rusty! Ohh, they're all crying! Oh, KT house...
• Casey: "You're not my geeky little brother who got beat up by a sixth-grader when he was in high school."
  Rusty: "She was an eighth-grader."
• Casey: "You don't need me or anyone else to look out for you anymore. You can take care of yourself."
  Rusty: "I get that from you."
• Casey: "I did the right thing. I got that from you."
• Uh, no, Evan. You and Rebecca didn't work out because you're still in love with Casey. But it's the last episode, so I guess we have to gloss over that fact today.
• Evan punched the wall!!! (because he was sad about losing Rebecca)
• Rusty's rallying the troops! Aww.
• KT brother: "We can't sleep in tents all winter! In case you forgot, this is Ohio!" (Uh, I didn't forget that it was Ohio. Greek's writers forgot that.)
• Ashleigh: "You know, this room is crazy big!"
• Evan: "Hey, Crappie."
• Oops, I don't think Evan meant to inspire Cappie and Casey to run away together. But that's exactly what he did. And he was super cool about it. Evan has been such a do-gooder today! Redeeming himself for semesters of misdeeds in one swoop!
• Awww, Ash and Rusty!
• Ok, everything's going great and all, but I feel like the resolutions are coming at us at a really rapid-fire pace. It's hard for any one moment to sink in, because there's another one coming right on its heels.
• Ha at Cappie doing jumping jacks before orating.
• Professor: "For your finale I just have one question: Why?"
  Cappie: "Because you're lazy."
• Cappie's real name is "Captain John Paul Jones"!
• Calvin and Heath are going to India to help people.
• Cappie: "You are my legacy, Spitter." (This one gets the distinction of being the Sweetest Line of the Night.)
• Aww, even this Rebecca/Casey hug is making me sad. Holy crap!
• OH MY GOD, they're playing Youth Group's "Forever Young" cover from The O.C.! ARE THEY TRYING TO KILL ME?!?
• (How fitting is it though that Greek borrowed a song from the last show whose series finale made me cry like a little girl?)
• Evan hugging Cappie and Casey.
• DALE JUST KISSED CASEY! Ahahahaha! Everyone's reactions were fantastic.
• Cappie: "Dale?"
• I really wish this Casey "Where to?"/Cappie: "Wherever you're going." exchange--THE LAST LINES OF THE WHOLE FREAKING SERIES--hadn't been spoiled in the promo that ABC Family has been showing all week. Knowing exactly what was coming kinda ruined that moment for me.
  

It's hard not to feel sentimental about this finale. It really does seem like an end of an era--not just for Cappie, Casey, Evan, Rusty, Dale, Calvin, Ash, Rebecca, Beaver, Katherine, etc., but also for me. Greek made its debut shortly after my own collegiate experience ended, and over the years it has allowed me to vicariously experience some college moments I missed out on, as I did not participate in the Greek system; was not part of a messy, never-ending love triangle; and did not engage in too many crazy capers. I guess I was rather like Rusty would have been had he not joined Kappa Tau. (Or like Katherine...but not as stern.) So Greek not only taught Rusty to have fun, but allowed me to experience some of the fun I may have missed.

Even putting aside my college nostalgia issues, Greek has meant a lot to me over the years purely because it is fun. I can remember several times when I was sad or frustrated, and watched an episode of Greek that saved the day. In that respect, the show itself has been a great friend to me.

And, speaking of friends, what I will miss most about Greek is its characters, all of whom I view as my friends (even though I know they're not, in fact, real). Over the episodes, I've raved about Greek's ability to make a spectrum of different people all seem very likable. This extends from the top with the main characters--Casey, Rusty, Cappie--on down to the supporting characters who have gotten to stick around because they're so darn lovable--Beaver, Heath, Katherine, etc. Some shows are lucky if they can create one or two good characters who display a unique personality, have interesting layers, resonate emotionally, and inspire love and devotion from viewers. Greek is--sorry--was a show full of them. And they will all be deeply missed.

P.S. It's not too late to make a spin-off featuring Beaver striving to manage his new job as a kindergarten teacher and his blossoming relationship with a certain Type A law/MBA student.

(photos: abcfamily.com)

The Best Quotes of Greek: Rebecca

It's no secret that Rebecca Logan is not one of my favorite characters on Greek. In fact, aside from people like Frannie and Tripp, Beccs is generally my least favorite of the CRU gang. But while she's brash and self-sabotaging and rude, Rebecca is also smart, quick-witted, brutally honest and usually good for a laugh.

The Best Quotes of Rebecca:

Rebecca: "I will pay anyone $200 to take this tray up to Cappie's room and watch Reba with him. We're on season 5!"

Rebecca: "God, Rusty, you're trying to get them to donate money, not get in your van!"

Rebecca: "At least I didn't sleep with a 16-year-old!"
Mr. Cartwright: "O.M.G!"

Rebecca: "You have to get Ashleigh to forgive me. I've apologized, groveled, told her I liked those silly arm-warmer things she wears. Nothing's worked!"

Rebecca: "No one uses embossed wrapping paper unless they want to get in someone's pants."

Rebecca: "I chased him for three blocks before I realized we're doing Ash a favor by letting him keep that shirt."

Rebecca: "I have a couple gowns that would be perfect for this competition."
Ashleigh: "From what?"
Rebecca: "From being rich."

Betsy: "She does have over 20 years of experience."
Rebecca: "So does Kirsten Dunst, but that doesn't make her movies good."

Rebecca: "I burned your house down once. I'll do it again."

(photo: abcfamily.com)

The Best of Quotes of Greek: Calvin

Often serving as Greek's voice of reason, Calvin has dispensed his share of sage advice over the years to Rusty, Evan, Dale, Rebecca, Ashleigh and others. An astute observer of the human condition, Calvin has offered dry sarcasm and brutal honesty, providing a great counterpoint to the zaniness of some of his classmates.

The Best of Calvin:

Rusty: "Look where she's putting those bills!"
Calvin: "Which will be put right back in to circulation. By the end of the week it could be under some kid's pillow."

Calvin: "Look, either turn off the music or leave us out here to die!"
Rusty: "The sad thing is that I know the words to that song."

Calvin: "I don't mind that you're poor. I'd just prefer that you not use the word 'lavish' again. It's weird."

Calvin: "And what does one have to do to be labeled the 'house slob' of Kappa Tau?"

Dale: "We've already lost our pizza break. Do you want to cut the massage circle too?"
Calvin: "Yeah."

Rusty: "Is this still stylish?"
Calvin: "Was it ever?"

Calvin: "It's like watching an episode of Entourage, except cheaper...and actually watchable."

Evan: "I figured you'd love to be in charge of the Omega Chi float. Don't gay guys love floats?"
Calvin: "That's show tunes, jackass."

Calvin: "Thanks for letting me raid your closet, Dale. You were the only person I know that might have clothes resembling anything close to Austin Powers."

Cal: "Gays spend money on Mardi Gras like grandmas on Christmas!"

Calvin: "She handed you her virginity on a silver platter, and you just sent it back to the kitchen."

(photo: abcfamily.com)

The Best Quotes of Greek: Dale

While Dale Kettlewell has now been incorporated into the Greek system at CRU, for most of the series he has often be on the fringe, judging the everyone else's exploits from the sidelines. A one-man Greek chorus, if you will. And what a hilarious chorus this sharp-tongued science genius and Lord's witness has been.

Oh, Dale, I'll miss you so.

The Best Quotes of Dale:

Dale: "Cover up your privates! Lord's witness coming through!"

Dale's USAG Ball: "It's going to be a sin-free evening filled with non-alcoholic drinks, line dancing, and subtle proselytizing."

Dale: "When I told my parents about your descent into the Greek sect, my mother cried, and my father said 'G.D.' for the first time in his life."

Dale: "Have fun perpetuating stereotypes of wasted, reckless youth, Rusty."

Dale: "Oh, well, I used my last bottle of chloroform when I was on Murder, She Wrote."

Dale: "G darn it. This campus has endless available locations for undeserving, perverted students that want to act inappropriately, but when a group of elite academics what to blow off some steam while debunking Aristotelian physics, suddenly everything's booked up? I call bull hinky!"

Dale: "Hey, how 'bout a little Bible Boggle, huh? Remember that time you spelled Leviticus and Harvy Brewbauer cried?"

Kirk: "Hey, Dale, your pajamas just blew out the window!"
Dale: "Huh. Must be the light weight cotton, you know 'cause my winter flannels never have that problem."

Rusty: "Now I have to prove to the actives why I'm a true Kappa Tau."
Dale: "Well, you could just show them a biopsy of your decayed liver."

Dale: "I have to fight off a surly mechanical engineer to get this spot. I told him to build a bridge...and get over it."

Dale's new roommate is deathly pale, has a weird, unplaceable accent and wrote a Dale thank you note for making his own bed.

Casey: "I just met a Canadian guy who was looking for a roommate. He was really nice."
Dale: "This Canuck is relentless!"

Dale: "Aren't you a little concerned about the verbiage? 'Liberal arts.' It seems like it would attract a certain element. Like socialists, tree-huggers, and general deviants."

Dale: "I DVR The View all week so I can watch them all back-to-back. I just love it when Hasselbeck serves them supper."

Max: "Rusty's concerned that you never leave the apartment. Are you avoiding something out there?"
Dale: "Yeah, vegans and Coldplay fans."

Dale: "Essays? Oh no, that leaves too much room for teacher interpretation, and frankly this guy's kind of a nutbag."

Dale: "Can anybody tell me why this class is worth three units? Every first-grader in Wetumpka knows that the pig is whipping that guy because of lustfulness."

Dale: "But it's not the end of the world! Don't you read the Scriptures I leave on your pillow? There's going to be signs!"

Lana: "I don't date guys with issues."
Dale: "Someone without a college degree shouldn't be so choosy."

Dale: "Really? Cappie didn't mention that in his Christmas newsletter. It did have a fantastic date nut bar recipe."

Dale: "Nice glasses, J.J. Have you figured out how Lost is going to end yet?"

Dale: "You'll get one of my deep-fried snacks when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands!"

Dale: "There's Casey! I could spot those blond locks in the middle of a Swedish flea market."

Dale: "Do you know the CRU Atheist Club has their own ski trip? They should get used to a warmer climate where they're headed."

Rusty: "I don't think the Bible would approve of you stealing thy neighbor's goat."
Dale: "The Bible doesn't say zip about kidnapping they neighbor's goat to psych thy neighbor out before the big game."

Dale: "Let's be honest, with that dimpled chin and those buttery blond highlights, it's pretty clear who is in the right here."

(photo: abcfamily.com)

The Best of Quotes of Greek: Ashleigh

Like BFF Casey, Ashleigh Howard is a pop culturally astute young woman trying to make her way in the world while managing boys and friendships and school and life after college. She's had some setbacks, but never allows them to crush her spirit, and her triumphs are well-deserved. Rusty said it best when he called her a "human magnet" who draws people to her. She is a sunbeam of light: fun, irreverent, honest, generally happy, caring, quirky and lovely. (And I didn't just compare her to a sunbeam solely to hearken back to that infamous rainbow sweater of hers.)

The Best Quotes of Ashleigh:

Ashleigh: "...which is why, in many ways, I think that Ferris Bueller is my generation's Gatsby."

Ashleigh: "Yeah, we've seen each other through good times and bad. Like that time you hooked up with that 16-year-old! Oops!"

Fisher: "When I first met you, you know, I kind of imagined us doing the whole going-out thing."
Ashleigh: "I imagined you naked."

Ashleigh: "You are not Rusty. You have much, much daintier features...except his hands."

Ashleigh (to Heath): "It's a good thing you're pretty."

Ash: "You know how P. Diddy has an all-white ball in the Hamptons? I was thinking that we could do a similar thing here and have an all-blue ball."
Cappie: "I can't top that."

Ash: "You used to be this focused, driven person. When did you become this girl? Someone who sits around making lists and second-guessing your choices. Paging Dr. Grey! No, wait, you are more like Joey Potter. No, you're worse. You're the F word."
Casey: "Don't say it!"
Ash: "Felicity."
Casey: "You bitch."

Ash: "He smells like cupcakes and man."

Ash: "But sexy fierce or scary fierce? ...I want to look hot, but also threatening, like 'cheat on me again, and I will cut you.'"

Ashleigh: "I think Clueless is one of the greatest movies in the history of movies!"

Casey: "I'm like the worst detective ever."
Ashleigh: "Oh, stop. Remember Inspector Gadget? He needed a dog and a 10-year-old girl to solve anything."

Ashleigh: "And they sleep where they poop. You can't trust a bunny."

Ash: "It's a fun way to start of the semester. You have a boyfriend. I'm single. We're arsonists."

Ash: "After graduation, I'm just going to have to live off the land."

Ash: "If you ask me what my weaknesses are, I'm going to tell you!"

Ash: "Who knew finding a job would take so long? It always happens so fast in movie montages."

Ash: "Casey took a 'Which Friend are you?' quiz on Facebook, and she's a Rachel. She wishes! She's more like a Ross."

(photo: abcfamily.com)

The Best Quotes of Greek: Rusty

Rusty Cartwright has spent his college years not only straddling the very different worlds of honors physics and fraternities, but also by being a loving brother, loyal friend, and all-around sweetheart. While Rusty is not as out-there as Dale or his KT brothers, he is surprisingly funny. In fact, his sweet, mild-mannered nature often makes his comments even funnier than those of his more wild cohorts.

The Best Quotes of Rusty:

Rusty: "[The fraternity] is closed this weekend because most of the guys are away in Mexico...building huts... It's for humanity...like Habitat for Humanity, but huts...so 'hubitat'."

Karen (Rusty's mom): "Why did he call you 'Spitter'?"
Rusty: "That's my nickname... Yeah, I spit on injustice everywhere. Figuratively."

Rusty: "When I was 16, I borrowed her car for my DMV test, and I ended up in a grocery store parking lot, and I ran over one of the coin-operated horse rides."

Ashleigh: "He said polymers are about as interesting as a dirt sandwich.'
Rusty: "A dirt sandwich that's found in almost every adhesive--"
Max: "--and lubricant on the planet! Stupid knuckle-dragging astrophysicists!"

Casey: "I like Max."
Rusty: "I should warn him. You date like Sherman's March, Casey. Scorched earth and broken spirits left in your wake."

Rusty: "Yes, I am in a frat, but we prefer fraternity, actually. I mean, would you call your country a--"

Rusty: "I guess you could say that when it comes to little boys, I have the touch... That's not what I meant."

Rusty: "Now go out there and proudly spread your seed! ...I'm really not sure what's wrong with me today."

Rusty: "Do you realize how many nights in high school I sat alone watching Joan of Arcadia with my mother while Casey went out with all of her friends."

Rusty: "She already has friends in New York. What, do they sit around Central Perk? Talk about what to name Rachel's baby?"

Dale: "Dude, comic book conventions are just crawling with hotties! Everyone know that."
Rusty: "Yeah! No, they don't."

Rusty: "The preppy jackass!"
Evan: "What did you call me?"
Rusty: "You heard me!"

Rusty: "How many times do I have to get hit in the face before it's about me too?"

Rusty: "We just value weird things, like spitting tequila on girls and eating a table leg."

(photo: abcfamily.com)

The Best Quotes of Greek: Casey

Casey Cartwright is the sun that anchors the Greek solar system. By and large over the years, it has been Casey's romantic entanglements we've navigated and Casey's personal growth we've championed. Her mistakes and imperfections have made her all the more likable and relatable as our heroine, and it's nice that she seems to not realize how awesome she is. It's not easy being a main character amongst a group of standout sidekicks and peripheral players capable of stealing every scene in which they appear, but Casey's charm and charisma has kept her firmly rooted in our hearts. When you consider how smart, perceptive, funny, beautiful and strong Casey is, it comes as no surprise that she attracts such ardent devotion from her friends, her sorority sisters, her brother, her boyfriends, her other admirers and Greek's faithful viewers.

The Best Quotes of Casey:

Frannie: "I want to come back to ZBZ."
Casey: "I want Jessica Simpson to stop putting out CDs, but you can't always get what you want."

Casey (when Rusty expressed disappointment with the realities of Spring Break): "It's the New Year's Eve syndrome; you can never live up to the hype. I blame the media."

Rusty: "Two hours. That's all I need."
Casey: "Rusty, two hours was all you needed for your driver's test, remember?"
Rusty: "I knew you'd bring that up!"
Casey: "It took four produce men and five quarters to get my car off that horse!"

Casey: "I can't do it anymore, Max. I can't compete with Sarah. She was a world-saving Buddhist philosopher who died tragically young from cancer. Last week, I got visibly upset because someone dribbled coffee on my Entertainment Weekly."

Casey: "Last year, two girls almost came to blows over whether Cameron Diaz looks better as a blonde or brunette. And, yes, those two girls were Ashleigh and me."

Casey: "And all that plan got Jerry Maguire was a goldfish and Renee Zellweger, and we don't want either of those."

Ashleigh: "You don't know what it's like to go through college without a boyfriend. You went from Cappie to Evan to Max. And then you went from Evan to Cappie to..."
Casey: "If she says Max, I will cut you."

Frannie: "You're such a creature of habit."
Casey: "And you're such a creature!"

Casey: "Since Max has been gone, I've gotten so much done: cleaning, organizing... I'm thinking of taking up an instrument."

Casey: "Last week my father said the world better watch out for me, and I'm thinking why? Because of my ability to name every guy Carrie Bradshaw slept with in season order?"

Ashleigh: "I'm pretending you're the lemon!"
Casey: "Bitter's not pretty, Ash."

Casey: "Do you think cats put us on their pillows?"

Casey: "She mentioned she has an 8 a.m. class she hates, but who can blame her? Brains don't work that early."

Casey: "She's not some normal girl who only learns about sex by teenage vampire movies! She reads! So you're not only competing against Robert Pattinson but also Lady Chatterley's Lover."

(photo: abcfamily.com)

The Best Quotes of Greek: Cappie

In honor of Greek's impending series finale, I decided to look back through my previous Greek-centric blog entries and pull out some of the show's funniest quotes ever for a "Best Quotes of Greek" list. This undertaking turned out to be a somewhat herculean task. I haven't blogged every single episode of Greek--but I covered a lot of them. And the show is darn funny.

As I was going through the posts, it quickly became clear that I wouldn't be able to cover all of my "Best Quotes of Greek" with one post. It would have been gigantic. The list must be broken down, so I decided to split the quotes up by character. These lists also are a nice way to individually pay tribute to the show's characters who have shown so brightly over the years.

Since it was Cappie's line (the one about running on vomit) that initially solidified my love of Greek, it only seems appropriate to kick off the "Best Quotes of Greek" lists with him. Also, when you think "quip" and "Greek," you think Cappie. It should surprise no one that of all the Greek characters, Cappie's list of funny quotes was the longest. And for every one of these Cappie quotes, there are probably 30 more I didn't pick but could have. He is the comedic backbone of this show, and even when you find yourself annoyed by his general reluctance to grow up, you cannot help but be amused by the things that come out of his mouth. The boy grounds his one-liners in his astounding knowledge base of pop culture, literature, and history, and while his grades might not display his brilliance, his jokes sure do.

The Best Quotes of Cappie:

Cappie: "We may be puking, but the Omega Chis are not used to running on puke like we are."

Besides girls, Cappie's other interests are "beer, Days of Our Lives, and mentoring youth."

Rebecca: "I have new respect of Chelsea Clinton."
Cappie: "Me too! Now that she's grown into her face, she's foxy."

Cappie: "You're skipping classes, you're avoiding schoolwork... It's like you're a real, live boy."

Beaver: "They just mooned us."
Cappie: "Yeah, everyone except for Rusty; he just showed his underpants."

Cappie: "You're insane, Chip."
Dale: "It's Dale."
Cappie: "I knew it was one of them."

Cappie: "Is it a rainy day or Monday? Those always get me down."

Rusty: "This year's almost over and I only dated one girl."
Cappie: "And you see no obvious connection between this fact and the diary?"

Cappie: "'Serial monogamist' is just a stone's throw away from being 'the marrying kind'!"

Cappie: "You were supposed to take care of the fish this week, not eat them!"
Rusty: "Then why'd you give us bibs?!"
Cappie: "This is a baby fish papoose pouch!"

Rusty: "I kissed Jordan."
Cappie: "Who? Michael Jordan? Jordan Knight? Jordan Catalano? Don't tell me you kissed Andy's Jordan!"
Rusty: "I wish I kissed Michael Jordan."

Rusty: "Cappie, I have something behind my back that's going to make you very happy."
Cappie: "Sounds like Heath's department."

Dean Bowman: "You are the most accomplished and promising students at CRU."
Cappie: "Believe me, if I could shoot myself a quizzical look right now, I would."

Evan: "Why do you feel the need to call me by my full name every time we talk?"
Cappie: "I like it. Makes you sound like a comic book villain. ...So why don't you trust me, Evan Chambers?"

Evan: "It's like a compulsion."
Cappie: "Your face is like a compulsion."
Evan: "That doesn't even make sense."
Cappie: "Your face doesn't make any sense."

Cappie: "Conflict in the Cartwright clan? Paging Danny Tanner!"

Cappie: "Kill her, then have sex with her! It's the Kappa Tau way! I didn't mean that."

Hilary: "You're David Wong?!"
Cappie: "Yes. Yes, I am. I was adopted by two gay dudes...from China."

Cappie: "What is it, Spitter? It kind of freaks me out when you walk in and stare at us with that serial killer smirk."

Cappie: "Hey, why are kittens called 'kittens'? They're little cats; shouldn't they be called 'cattens'?"

Rusty: "Are you growing up?"
Cappie: "You shut your damn mouth!"

Rusty: "A C-section? How old are these phone numbers?"
Cappie: "Well, hopefully older than nine months."

Cappie: "She's tall, she's pretty...stern. The word 'Nordic' comes to mind."

Cappie: "I hope she's easier than your sister. Try pleasing her! Rewind: try finding the perfect gift for her."

Rusty: "Success tonight means my first Valentine's!"
Cappie: "It's like I'm reliving first grade through you."

Rusty: "I wanted to punch you, but I couldn't."
Cappie: "Yeah, I know. You've got weak wrists."

Cappie: "That's what Heath said. Ha ha."

Cappie: "Daley won't even do book club anymore. Even after I shared my erotic fixation with the Bronte sisters."

(photo: abcfamily.com)