Gossip Girl: For Better Or For Worse

Gossip Girl: "Much 'I Do' About Nothing"

Whoa. And I thought last week's episode felt like several shows worth of material shoved into one. This finale felt like at least five different episodes; more happened tonight than has been happening in this season's seriously fast-paced episodes of Lost. I feel like I have serious story line-induced whiplash.

Dan and Serena: first they were apart, then together, then apart, then together, then apart. Rufus and Lily: together, apart, together, apart. Nate and Vanessa: together, then inexplicably apart. Blair and Chuck: apart, together, apart.

And, on top of freaking all of that, Georgie was permanently dispatched, Nate's dad came back only to immediately skip town, Nate beat up his dad, Jenny got an internship with Eleanor Waldorf, Rufus went on tour, Lily planned to redecorate the house, Blair found a new guy (who kind of looked like Cillian Murphy), Chuck hit on Patty Hearst's daughter, Vanessa and Dan began to spend the summer together, Nate and Serena decided to spend the summer together, and I don't even know what else.

It seems that the folks at GG were really trying for an O.C.-esque Season 1 finale wedding/multi-break-up ending, but the problem was that they had to get all of the couples together before the could break them up. All in one episode. If I watch the final montage of The O.C.'s "The Ties That Bind" now--even five years later and knowing how it all turned out--I still am affected by the images of Ryan being driven back to Chino, Seth sailing away, Kirsten crying into the sheets, and Marissa drinking alone. That's because the characters are miserable and we're allowed to sulk for awhile with them. They're not already out in the world moving on and finding new love interests.

For about 10 brief minutes there, I had my B&C. Chuck and Blair were finally exactly where they belonged: together! And then they weren't... I thought we were going to "take it slow" and "do it right" this time, but in one short week they were planning trips to Europe and breaking up already. And, did Bart Bass think he was helping with that little speech of his? He was making having a girlfriend sound like being in a POW camp. No wonder Chuck ran for the hills (or, actually, ran to the really skinny interior decorator).

What's frustrating to me is that all of the new developments in the last 10 minutes or so of GG could have easily been saved for next season and rather quickly explained. Or not. What's wrong with allowing everyone to savor a story line (good or bad) for a while? I know the season was shortened by the strike, but why stick to the same rigid plot structure if doing it in fewer episodes means cheating it? Why not save something in the bag of tricks for next season?

You know I love you, Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage, et. al., but you bit off way more than you could chew tonight. You're supposed to leave the audience wanting more...not wanting a neck brace to help with the whiplash.

It seems ridiculous to try to even comment on everything that happened, but here is my feeble attempt with some bullets:

• The shout out to Luscious Jackson was a nice blast from the past. Too bad their reunion didn't work out, because "Naked Eye" is a kick-butt track.
• With Lily and Rufus shacked up who knows where, no wonder Serena can stay out all night wandering around and Dan can have sleepovers with random girls... Eesh. And Jenny's apparently around too! I shudder to think about what trouble she could have gotten herself in while left unattended for a night.
• Chuck and Blair were so cute asleep together.
• Blair: "It's not like you ever do anything athletic."
  Chuck: "Well, that's not entirely true, now is it?"
  Blair: "Nothing that requires taking off your scarf, anyway."
  Chuck: "That was one time; it was chilly." (ha, Chuck is really attached to that scarf...)
• It was nice of Serena to give Dan a free pass on suddenly turning into a big slut...not that she kept it up for very long.
• Serena: "When I told my mom not to go away with Rufus, I said it was because you and I were forever. I know I was right." (hmm...)
• So Bart staged the elaborate building metaphor because he knows about Lily and Rufus? That was a little over the top. Couldn't he have just said, "Yo, Lily, pick between me and R once and for all, wouldya?" At least then he wouldn't have to sell his building. And he wouldn't have wasted so much of our time--which was at a tremendous premium tonight.
• Blair called in Georgie's parents! Ha! A boot camp for troubled girls! Ha! Ok, while I enjoyed this part while I was watching it, in retrospect, it too seemed a little rushed. All it took to get rid of the big, bad Georgina Sparks was to call in her parents? If that were really the case, why didn't Blair or Serena do that four episodes ago and save us all a whole lot of trouble?
• Blair: "Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here."
• Yea for using MGMT's "A Time To Pretend" in the soundtrack! That's one of my favorite songs right now.
• "Whore-gina"
• "I didn't sleep with her, but I may as well have." Wha? Just shut up, Dan.
• So Rufus and Lily love each other, but decided to have her marry Bart anyway? That doesn't seem like the best plan. Have they reconciled to the fact that they aren't meant to be together or are they just banking on the fact that she'll get another divorce in the near future?
• Who is the poor guy sitting next to Blair? Why is Dan sitting with a little girl?
• Serena is the saddest bridesmaid in the whole world.
• Chuck: "I was in love with Blair and I'm sorry." (Whoa!!! That moment alone would have held me over for the whole summer, but, nope, we still have miles to go before we sleep...)
• And, again, Nate has amazingly crappy parents. At least Lily and Eleanor have gotten to move somewhat beyond their ice-queen appearances, but Nate's parents are still just terrible.
• No, Dan, you got seduced by a girl pretending to be someone else because you're gullible.
• Ahh, but Serena's also missing the issue: it's not that she's not who Dan thought she was and he can't get over it--it's that she lies to him. A lot.
• I know Death Cab for Cutie when I hear it!
• My reaction when Chuck and Blair kissed: "AAHHHHHHHHHHHH."
• Chuck: "Let's take it slow this time; do it right."
  Blair: "Chuck Bass, a romantic! Who knew?"
  Chuck: "Now you do. That's all that matters." (Chuck is just killing me tonight--in a good way).
• Serena: "Oh, B, what's it going to take to get you to relax?"
• Blair: "Chuck!"
  Serena: "Eeew! My ears are bleeding!"
• I liked the characterizations of Vanessa as "Punky Brewster" and Nate as "Man Bangs."
• I'm totally not loving Serena/Nate or Dan/Vanessa. At least with Nate/Vanessa the two boringest people were kind of quarantined together.
• Serena: "Oh, Nate, when are you ever happy?"
• Doesn't this guy from Bart Bass' marketing division (or whatever he said) notice that Blair is a high school student?
• There wasn't even much time allotted for Gossip Girl to narrate :(
• So, Blair and Chuck get together and break up in, what, 10 minutes? Come on the hell on, people.