SYTYCD: Beginning the Redemption

So You Think You Can Dance: "Auditions #1"

I didn't think I was ready for SYTYCD to come back already (it's only been off for a few weeks after all, and we've grown accustomed to waiting months and months for it to come back), but all day today I kept thinking, "Yea! So You Think You Can Dance is on tonight!" so I guess I am ready. With the extremely brief hiatus, I can almost block Season 5 out completely (I had a few problems with it...12 problems, specifically) and just treat this season as what rightfully should have been on my television this summer. That said, due to my view that Season 5 was generally lackluster (due in large part to saving talent and choreography for the fall launch), my expectations for Season 6 are astronomical, so if it's not absolutely awesome, I'm in for a letdown.

Since whose auditions were shown to us and whose were not became an issue in Season 5 (for me at least), I will try to document for future reference the names of everyone who is featured in the audition episodes this season.

Why doesn't the theme song include footage of dancers from the last season anymore?

Los Angeles:

• It's Shankers!
• Cat sounds very hoarse. She was working too many hours this summer. (Actually, the voice over barely sounds like Cat at all.)
• Anya and Pasha!!!!!!!
• If nothing else, we've sure got a lot of good leapers this season. Every montage shows another person rocking a beautiful split.
• Cole Clemens, sans music. Oh geez, he's making his own sound effects ("Shatter, shatter, shatter!"). I have no tolerance for this. This is not So You Think You Can Do Performance Art.
• Nigel: "Kinds of off-, off-Broadway."
  Shankers: "Like in Cleveland, off-Broadway."
  
• Mollee Gray looks familiar. Please tell me it's not because I recognize her from High School Musical, because that's pretty embarrassing for me.
  
• Mollee's dancing to Postal Service, so she's already got my vote.
  
• Shankers says Mollee is "sooooo this show." (Just like Jason, apparently.)
  
• David Hovhannisyan could use some more clothes, but he's a good dancer.
  
• Amanda Kirby did some nice pirouettes.
  
• Brandon Dumlao is dressed like a b-boy but dances like a contemporary dancer.
  
• Bianca Revels is back for like the fourth year in a row! She sure is a glutton for punishment. I really believed her last season when she said she wasn't coming back. (Perhaps she changed her mind because the producers promised her a spot in the Top 20 in the spiffier Season 6?)
  
• Oh no, now Ryan Kasprzak is talking instead of dancing to music too! This is not a trend I wish to see continue. Dancers are dancers, not poets.
  
• Shankers does not agree with me and says that was the best audition ever on this show. Hmm, yeah, ok, Shankers, whatever...
  
• Nigel says Ryan's "grown in himself" whatever that means.
  
• Hey, it's the other Kasprzak brother!
  
• Now we get to watch some tap "trading" with Ryan and Bianca. I love both of these two dancers, but I think this tap trading is somewhat lost on me.
  
• Ha ha, that was one of the best fake-outs on SYTYCD history! I really didn't think Nigel knew that the dance move was called "wings" and then I really thought he didn't understand what Bianca told him. He's pretty good at playing dumb.
  
• Christopher Aguilar wants to produce a movie. Yet he's trying out for a reality television show. I don't really understand the logic here, but whatever. I think Chris' audition is only marginally more silly that what Tyce brings to the table every week.
  
• It's Pasha!!! Wait, where'd he go? Show more Pasha!
  

On to day two...

• Amber Williams. Her mother is paralyzed from the waist down. Amber was an extremely cute child. Amber is a good pirouetter. She's got some weird little contraptions on the balls of her feet to help her turn, I guess; I don't think I've ever noticed other dancers wearing those. Mary says that Amber is very light on her feet.
• Alexie Agdeppa has the little foot things on too. And she's got a very nice musicality.
• Paula van Oppen: Did she almost make the Top 20 in Season 5 or was that another short-haired girl who looks very much like her? (The one who was in Silky's performance group in Vegas when a bunch of the group members ended up in a big fight?) Her audition here was very nice.
• Christina Santana is doing salsa with some hip hop pop and locking. I like the salsa, but I'm not sold on this pop and locking--it's doesn't look like it's up to hip hop standards to me. Those were some nice pop stirs though. Well, if she does belly dancing, she will have Nigel's vote. Ugh.
• Phillip Attmore: Oh no, he's another tapper! I don't know if we have room for three tappers in the Top 20. (Frankly, I'm kind of sick of tap already.)
• Philip has been Ryan's roommate when they were on tour in Fosse. He says that Ryan has a happy face on his butt. This guy has a nice personality. And he's a good tapper.
• I guess SYTYCD is trying to single-handedly bring tapping back this fall.
• It's a little disingenuous for the judges to proclaim this "the year of the tapper" as if they didn't have the option of putting Ryan and Bianca in the Top 20 in Season 5 (and in Season 4 in Bianca's case).

Gotta say, sitting through coverage of the auditions is a lot easier when they are broken into one-hour chunks instead of two-hour chunks.

Next week: Phoenix

Premiere Watch '09: 90210

90210:
"To New Beginnings!"

Ugh, for the first time probably ever, I'm so not ready for the new episode of network television shows to start up again. I'm rather enjoying the less demanding summer television season where there's not 2-5 shows I want to watch airing during every single time slot.

And the U.S. Open is still going on, people! And although all of my favorites (on the men's side anyway) are dropping like flies, I'm still obsessively watching. I don't have time for premieres when I've got to watch 6+ hours of tennis each day!

Anyway, 90210 started up its second season tonight (two or three weeks earlier than I would have liked). I can't say I was too impressed by this episode. It was about 97% style and 3% substance (when the appropriate ratio for 90210 should be more along the lines of 75% style, 25% substance). What made it worse was that all the "substance" was almost completely ridiculous. Sure, the show was over-the-top during the second half of last season when it hit its stride, but there was some value to it. The show did a fairly good job of handling Adrianna's baby storyline, Silver's struggle with bipolar disorder, Navid and Adrianna's sweet relationship, and even the Naomi/Liam/Jen stuff.

In this episode, however, the show shied away from the heavy issues (aside from some cursory coverage of Annie's post-hit-and-run downward spiral) in favor of showing us lots and lots of Naomi, Silver, and Adrianna frolicking in bathing suits and frolicking in tennis dresses and frolicking in a convertible and strutting around in their ridiculous school outfits. And, yes, there was even a choreographed group dance number for crying out loud!!! For a second there, I thought I was watching She's All That, and that is never a good thing! (Were the 90210 kids doing a dance from a music video or something? I'm sure I'm out of the loop on the group dances that are popular with the kiddies these days.)

Hopefully, this episode was just intended as a fun way to relaunch the show and things will pick up in the episodes to come. Here's my running commentary of the highlights and my thoughts:

• Who is that guy Naomi's kissing? He's like 40 years old! I mean, sure, Naomi's an old-looking high school student, but this is pushing it!
• So, Naomi, Silver, and Dixon were in summer school as punishment for attending the post-prom party with underage drinking. I'm a little fuzzy on the details from last year, but I think that's what's going on.
• Silver's hair looks cute.
• Adrianna looks beautiful. But she has no bangs, so I guess I can't call her Bangs anymore :-(
• This song by Slimy is awesome. Are we taking bets on what the most over-used songs in premiere/pilot episodes will be? I'm going to guess that there will be some Passion Pit, but I'm not sure what the ubiquitous song will be.
• Naomi: "He reads books!"
  Silver: "Like Lolita?"
  
• "Monica Lewinsky: The Movie Musical"... Yo, minus the musical part, Grosse Pointe did that joke 10 years ago. Grosse Pointe was an awesome show.
  
• Naomi: "Well, if it were up to me, over-50s wouldn't be allowed to wear sleeveless shirts."
  
• I hope Adrianna's excessive eye makeup is waterproof...
  
• Why is Navid carrying both boogie boards and Dixon's only carrying the towels? That makes Dixon look a little pathetic.
  
• Wow, that was a very enjoyable Annie-less opening 10 minutes.
  
• New neighborhood? Why did the Wilsons move? Just so they're not mooching off the grandma anymore? The finer points of last season are escaping me.
  
• Wow, there's a jazzy new opening title sequence. It's a bit less hokey than the one they had last season, I suppose. It being hokey was kind of the point though.
  
• Silver's tennis skirt with origami folds is lovely.
  
• Naomi: "I'm very possessive when it comes to balls."
  
• This guy is in high school? Yeah, right!
  
• Should I be embarrassed to admit that I recognize this guy from when he played Jeremy Horton on Days of Our Lives a couple summers ago? The dude was a total creep on DOOL and he's still creeping me out now.
  
• Ugh, Naomi, don't fall for this line of crap from your too-old boyfriend.
  
• Silver seems to have an entirely different personality this season. Is that a side effect of her bipolar meds?
  
• Last season's Silver was an angry blogger who didn't like the prom. Now she's willingly spending all of her time at the country club with Naomi? Not buying it.
  
• Are they seriously doing a synchronized group dance number?! OMG, this is ridiculous! I love it.
  
• BTW, the guy who is playing the front desk attendant also played a creep on DOOL. I really don' think it's the best idea ever for 90210 to be raiding DOOL's supporting cast for new talent. Unless they want to hire Nick or Chelsea or Max.
  
• Teddy and Adrianna did this sexy dance four years ago? Like when they were 12? That seems highly inappropriate.
• Wait, this is so the same song ("Koop Island Blues" by Koop) that Randi and Evan performed Mia's "Butt Dance" to on SYTYCD!!! !!! Ha ha! Ok, if Adrianna and Teddy were doing the "Butt Dance," I could understand why that would upset Navid.
• Ok, Adrianna's hair extensions need to go. They look really fake.
• Eew, what is Silver wearing now? Her legs look even skinnier than usual in this strange getup.
• Is it just me, or are the girls even more crazily dramatic than usual this season? I expect Annie to be over-the-top, but between Silver's "I can't breathe without Dixon" and Naomi's Liam speech, I can barely take it.
• How did Liam's hair get longer while he was in boot camp? Oh, wait, it was wilderness boot camp, so I guess they didn't have access to scissors while they were out there...
• Wow, things are going from really bad to even worse for Annie.
• I know the split focus between the "new class" and the returning characters (Kelly, Brenda, Donna) was sometimes problematic last year, but this episode sorely needed a little bit more maturity.

Premiere Rating: 6.0/10

**This is probably the least flattering photo in the entire set on the CW's 90210 Web site, but I couldn't resist posting it since it's from the choreographed group dance number.

(photo: cwtv.com)

Greek: A Different World

Greek:
"Our Fathers"

I announced months ago how excited I was when I heard that Kadeem Hardison a.k.a. Dwayne Wayne from A Different World guest starring as Ashleigh's dad. I was a big fan of A Different World back in the day, so it is awesome to see an actor from that show on my current favorite show about college. Also, since Greek relies heavily on relationship shipping (Casey/Cappie, Casey/Evan, Casey/Max, Cappie/Rebecca, Rusty/Jordan--wait, are there actually any Rusty/Jordan shippers?), I feel like it's somewhat relevant to mention that Dwayne Wayne and Whitley Gilbert was probably one of the first TV relationships of which I was ever a shipper. (Remember when Dwayne crashed her wedding to that Byron guy? That was so amazing!)

Because I loved A Different World so much, I actually would have liked to see more of Kadeem Hardison in Greek. I'm not really sure what I would have liked for them to have him do though--it's not like they could suddenly re-center the whole show around Ashleigh's dad. Maybe if they'd just given him some flip-up sunglasses to wear...

Can't resist embedding A Different World's fantastic opening credits, just for old time's sake:



Anyway, Greek:

• The KT game of totally silent charades is entertaining.
• Cappie: "Well, as far as I know, Casey and I both have two working kidneys."
• Rebecca: "Well, with my dad, extramarital sex with hookers is always a conversational option."
• Poor Casey--her knowing about Fisher and Rebecca when Ash doesn't is not a fun situation to be in.
• Dale: "Yeah, but I had sex! With my landlady!"
• Pastor Dan really didn't give much thoughtful, helpful guidance.
• Rusty's dad: "You know those Friday nights we used to hang out and we'd say, 'It's too bad Joan of Arcadia isn't a real girl because Joe Mantegna and Mary Steenburgen would love you.'"
• I LOVE that they did a callback to the Joan of Arcadia story. That still cracks me up.
• What is Rebecca doing?! Wow, she really is just not happy unless everyone hates her.
• As a general rule, if you're going to tell someone something horrible, you probably shouldn't do it when she's standing atop a ladder!! That's just dangerous.
• Why is Rusty telling Jordan's dad about the first time he drank tequila? This is pathetic.
• Calvin: "Make it stop, please."
• Dale: "She was making noises like a banshee. It was like a farm animal in late-stage labor."
• Mary Elise: "Why don't you join me at mass tonight?"
  Dale: "Alright, I'll be there, but I won't be doing an kneeling."
  Cappie: "Don't worry, I will."
• Rebecca: "I don't not have a big old butt!"
• Poor Ashleigh--this should be about her, but it's turned into round 1,000 of Casey vs. Rebecca.
• Rebecca: "At least I didn't sleep with a 16-year-old!"
  Mr. Cartwright: "O.M.G!"
• As much as Rebecca irks me, I'm glad somebody else still remembers Casey's debacle with the 16-year-old. Because that's still not ok.
• Rusty: "So I just have to help you lose? I can do that!"
• Calvin: "Oh, Rus, Rus! Don't let him see you run."
• Didn't Ashleigh give her loser ex-boyfriend all kinds of extra chances? Why's she being so decisive and uncompromising now? Is there more to the story here?
• Dale: "You know, the idolatry wasn't nearly as distracting as I was expecting!"
• Dale: "Especially due to our shared pasts with the same woman." (Blank look from Cappie) "Casey. Casey Cartwright."
• Why is Jordan's dad in the dorm?
• Mary Elise: "As for your messages, Dale, I didn't appreciate your threatening tone."
• Ashleigh's dad: "Yeah, wide open like your daughter!"
• Casey (on The Sun Also Rises): "And then he got his junk blown off in World War I... "
• Ash's dad: "You wouldn't have caught it; you're wearing sandals!"
• Cappie: "Have I walked into a transgendered Cathy comic?"
  Dale: "Ack."

(Greek photo: abcfamily.com)

Greek: Tomorrow Never Dies

Greek:

"The Day After"

It took me six days to get around to watching the new episode of Greek and there really wasn't even much else on television this week...aside from the U.S. Open, that is, which I've been watching constantly. I'm going to be so screwed next week when Gossip Girl, Glee, SYTYCD, etc. start up new episodes.

Anyway, Greek:

• What time of the year is it on Greek again? Late fall, I guess?
• It's the day after the end of the world. Ha.
• Ha, Jimmy is creepy.
• Why would Cappie and Casey dating be so weird for Jordan? She should be one of the few people for whom it's not weird.
• Casey: "I had some cookies. But they were in the 100-calorie packs...so I had seven of them."
• Ugh, you break up with somebody and the ZBZ sisters come and sing to you about a cat? That's horrendous.
• ZBZ girl (whose name I forgot): "I mean, he was a nerd, but he was hot. It was confusing."
• Why wouldn't Casey just assume that whoever Rebecca was kissing was one of her own former boyfriends?
• Calvin: "Not to mention how they'll react having two gay guys in the house. One is fine, two is just bathhouse."
• Dale: "I had to fake a noise bleed to get out of there."
• Aww, is that Dale's Canadian ex-roommate? (Remember, the one who is deathly pale, has a weird, unplaceable accent and wrote a Dale thank you note for making his own bed.) I'm so glad we finally got to see this kid!
• Dale: "The first rule of living every day like the world's going to end is making sure the world actually ends."
• Good for Rusty giving Casey some grief about the Max situation.
• Rusty: "Yeah, Casey, you can help me with my organic chemistry report on the guy from Entourage."
• If Rusty really wants to see Max, he could just head over to the new Melrose Place.
• Beaver: "Take you marks! Fire at Wil-ber."
• Wade's dressed like an old lady. These KTs...
• Calvin: "Fate? Yeah... Eternity...really?"
• Very smooth, Calvin: "Nothing happened!!"
• Security guard: "Yeah, he does look a little sickly."
  Casey: "Yeah, he's hypoglycemic. That's why he looks that way."
  Rusty: "I'm hypoglycemic, not deaf."
• Cappie: "Wait, did you just say Maxipad? That's still funny!"
  Dale: "I know."
• Betsy guesses that "E.C" is Edward Cullen. Ha.
• Calvin: "Thanks for letting me raid your closet, Dale. You were the only person I know that might have clothes resembling anything close to Austin Powers."
• Dale: "I was at that stupid party and everybody was talking about the end of the world and the apocalypse and blah blah blah and it was like every Easter Sunday back home."
• Say something, Calvin! Aww, poor Dale.
• Cappie clocking Rusty with the door was funny.
• Rebecca looks cute as Sydney Bristow.
• Ashleigh: "And, Evan, you're wearing Banana Republic!"
• Do Cappie and Casey have to stand there and talk while Rusty's trying to work? This is not conducive.
• Cappie: "I'm a ninja!"
• Cappie: "I'm a ninja for the ethnic treatment of animals."
  Security guard: "NETA? Not one of you guys again!"
• Cappie: "Did you know that there are more animals used for testing than there are in the entire world?"
  Security guard: "What? That doesn't sound accurate."
• Sheila is horrendous. Calvin needs to go give poor Dale a hug.
• They should get Sheila fired. It can't be ok for her to sleep with her tenants.
• Who did Becca really make out with? I'm assuming it's someone else's boyfriend. Fisher? Cappie? Max? What other guys are there? Beaver? I can see why she'd want to keep it a secret if she was kissing Beav ;-)
• Evan calls Max "Casey's Enginerd"
• Wow! This is a strange change of pace--Evan talking logic and instilling some morality into a situation? (Reminding Cappie that Casey and Max just broke up and that Cappie has no intention of ever leaving college and Casey does.)
• Called it: Rebecca was kissing Fisher. She seriously needs to find a boy who is not already dating one of her best friends.

Ok, kids, hang on: we're officially doing Cappie/Evan/Casey round 3 (round 4? round 5? I can't keep up.) Sorry, Casey/Cappie shippers, but right now I'm going with Evan. He always sucks me in when he's not acting like a flaming jerk (you know, like the time he hit Rusty in the face with a paddle).

(Photo: abcfamily.com) **BTW, props to the ABC Family web site for posting a mini album of pictures from this episode. Keep it up with all subsequent episodes, please. (Not to take the credit, but I did fill out a survey for their web site several months ago and made the suggestion that they post photo albums for each episode.)

MIOBI: National Selection (Survival of the Fittest)

Make It Or Break It: "All That Glitters"

While I have continued to watch MIOBI on a weekly basis, I abandoned blogging about it because it was exhausting trying to point out every ridiculous thing that happens on this show. Especially when the ridiculousness is not limited to misrepresentations of gymnastics but also stretches to misrepresentations of the real world (like when Emily's mom went somewhere to pay her electricity bill or people ride a bus from Boulder to Boston and arrive in less than a day or when the girls scared off the creepy guys by doing flips or any number of other inane moments).

If you know anything at all about gymnastics (or the real world), it's best to just try to put it out of your mind as much as possible while watching MIOBI. If you can shut your brain off a bit, you can focus on things like how cute Carter is and how the second Pizza Boy is kind of creepy but also kind of funny and that the Kmetkos are still pretty likable despite being annoying and that Payson is pretty amusing in her own way. In honor of the finale of the first half-season, however, I'm going to keep my brain on and give blogging a go for this episode. Please bear in mind that I couldn't write down all of the inaccuracies and fallacies due the the sheer number of them.

Highlights and ridiculousness:

• I'm still not buying that Kaylie's dad took diamonds out of his World Series ring and put them in a necklace for Kaylie.
• Those are some rather un-fancy looking warmups the Rock girls are sporting.
• I don't think the press goes this crazy for gymnasts arriving at Nationals (maybe at the Olympics though). It's not the Oscars.
• Guy in the lobby with a camera: "Kaylie Cruz, let's see what's in your gym bag!" WHA? That's horrible! Keep the camera out of the poor girl's gym bag!
• Pizza Boy 2 calls Emily "Tumble-ina"
• Seriously, what happened to the other pizza shop guy? He's been gone for a very, very long time. It doesn't even make sense storyline-wise to bring him back at this point, since Emily's been through so much more with Pizza Boy 2 now.
• Nationals isn't on a podium?! Are you kidding me?
• Pizza Boy 2's going to take Emily's brother to Boston from Boulder on Radiohead's bus?! That's supposed to going to Atlanta?! Did anything in that sentence make any sense at all?
• Lauren: "And that would be our team captain."
• Carter came to Boston even though he got suspended? Hasn't he been enough of a distraction to Kaylie? Just cool it off for a while, dude. You're coming on a bit strong.
• If Kaylie doesn't want him anymore, I'm sure Carter could pick up a few other girlfriends here in Boston with all the gymnastics groupies running around.
• Wow, Payson looks gorgeous marching out into the arena in her competition makeup! I didn't even recognize her. I'm usually not a big fan of over-exuberant eye makeup on gymnasts (example: Nastia Liukin at 2009 Nationals a couple weeks ago), but it looks amazing on Payson.
• How does Lauren get all of her hair (it's seriously almost down to her waist) into that tiny little side bun thing?
• No, commentator, the judges aren't going to be looking for "more personality" from Lauren; they're going to be looking for some actual gymnastics skills. (On the bright side, it seems that having annoying commentators was the one part of the Nationals experience that MIOBI got correct!)
• Wow, Payson and Kelly are still trash-talking mid-meet! That's intense.
• Payson's uneven bars routine would be so much more impressive if she actually did a release move.
• Why are the Rock's gymnasts all competing on different events? How is Sasha supposed to coach gymnasts on four different events at once? This is asinine.
• Wow, Payson really solidified her lead with that Gainer full twist dismount. Yes, that was a beam dismount with just one twist. And, look, Kelly Parker did a beam dismount with just one twist too! How impressive. Yep, these two have "National champion" written all over them.
• There should be a lot more hugging at this competition. Do the people who make this show ever watch any gymnastics competitions at all?
• How does Kelly Parker know all of the Rock girls' dirty secrets? Does she have spies?
• The gymnasts have to go to a cocktail party after the competition? Whose horrendous idea is that?
• Payson: "We are tanking in there because we're all acting like a bunch of petty little bitches!"
• If Emily just keeps visualizing herself falling right before she starts each event, she's actually doing surprisingly well.
• Pizza boy: "You strike the bars like a cobra."
• You strike the bars like a cobra?! WHAT?! That's quite possibly literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my whole entire life. Including the time the girl in front of me in line in the dining hall at college confused okra with orca and told her friend that the dining hall was serving us whale.
• I guess Pizza Boy should be a sports psychologist. He spouts out some completely random, irrelevant, illogical nonsense and suddenly Emily's right as rain.
• Emily: "I can't believe you came this far."
  Me: "I can't believe Radiohead let you drive their bus to Boston when they were trying to go to Atlanta!"
  
• It is still creepy to no end that Naomi from Lost is the sports agent. I wonder if she's still working for Charles Widmore in some capacity.
  
• Ha ha! Who wants to bet that this "what's in your gym bag" segment isn't going to be around much longer? You just can't show a box of condoms on the jumbo-tron at a gymnastics meet. There are far too many little children around.
  
• It's weird/cool that the Rock girls all get to wear different leos in the same color scheme.
  
• Wow, Kaylie should just set up a give-back-the-necklaces booth right there at the edge of the stands. This is ridiculous.
  
• Kayle scores a 16.2 on vault for a Yurchenko half?! ARGH!!! That score is literally not even possible for that vault. There are girls who do vaults with 1.5 or even 2 more twists than that who don't get scores that high in the real world! It annoys me that MIOBI tries to appear legitimate by using the new, non-10.0-based scoring system but then award obscenely high scores for the skills they show the girls doing. If you didn't know anything about gymnastics and you watched an actual competition after watching this show, you wouldn't be able to understand why the gymnasts were doing skills that looked so much harder and still receiving scores that are so much lower.
  
• Candace (Summer) can just walk down out of the stands and onto the competition floor?! Where is the security in this place?
  
• How is Payson going to pass Kelly Parker when she's just going a Yurchenko back tuck on vault? Oy vey.
  
• Yeesh! Actually Payson's horrendous fall is probably what "hitting the bar like a cobra" would actually look like. I mean, a cobra has no hands! It wouldn't go well!
  
• Ouch! That was a nasty fall from Payson on UB! It reminds me of the time Kerri Strug took that really nasty fall off bars and injured her back (and they showed that clip in all her documentaries).
  
• I can't believe Sasha let Emily do her old floor routine. That was a bad call. How she didn't get laughed out of the arena is beyond me.
  
• Payson does have three years before the Olympics, people. I'm sure she can find a doctor doing some kind of crazy experimental back surgery by then.
  
• Lauren: "Come on, Kay! You've got her whipped!" (Lol, that is so not something an actual gymnast would say.)
  
• At least Kelly Parker can do a double pike on floor. Actually it looks like she did two of them, unless that was supposed to be a full-in and I missed the twist. That's probably wishful thinking though.
  
• Yea Kaylie!
  
• Oh yeah, I forgot that Kaylie's brother liked Emily too. For someone who is supposed to have no boyfriends, she's got like three.
  
• Wow, Emily makes one National team and suddenly the rules don't apply to her!?
  
• I usually detest the music on this show, but I have to admit that this Mika "We Are Golden" song is darn catchy.
  

Argh, this show in infuriating. And yet I still watch it... Luckily, MIOBI is going on hiatus for awhile so Greek and come back and I can stop hanging my head in shame for awhile.

(photo: abcfamily.com)

SYTYCD: 12 Moments Where Season 5 Went Wrong

So You Think You Can Dance:

During Top 8 week when Janette was voted out (instead of Melissa), I thought to myself, "This will go down as the night Season 5 of SYTYCD went way off track." But as I thought about it, I realized that the fifth season of SYTYCD had already gone off track a long time ago. Furthermore, I couldn't pinpoint just one moment were it all went awry. Instead, there were multiple moments that combined to turn Season 5 into, at best, a lackluster snoozefest and, at worst, a prostitution of the awesome show we loved.

I didn't compile this list of season five lowlights just to be mean spirited or vindictive; I love this show too much to be mean to it for no reason. My hope is that by documenting the problems of Season 5, I can help the powers that be at SYTYCD to learn from the mistakes and avoid making the same ones during Season 6 in the fall. In the low-competition environment of summer television, SYTYCD can get away with these mishaps, but I don't think they're going to fly in this fall.

The 12 Moments Where Season 5 Went Wrong:

1. During Vegas callbacks, it became increasingly clear that the contestants weren't operating under the same set of rules. After flubbing choreographed dances, Gabi and Caitlin got to dance for their lives, while Tony got to practice some more and retry the choreographed routine later in the day. Meanwhile, after allegedly flubbing Sonya's jazz choreo, Natalie was unceremoniously kicked out. Fans were left not only outraged but also confused: why wasn't there an established procedure to determine what the next step was once the judges deemed that a dancer had inadequately performed a choreographed dance? How are viewers supposed to take a competition show seriously if the rules are obviously being adjusted on a case-by-case basis to accommodate the agenda of the producers?


2. Natalie Reid was unceremoniously cut. It was bad enough for fans of quirky Natalie to watch her get pitted against her roommate, Katee, for the final birth in last season's Top 20 and then get cut. This season, though, we should have gotten to see Natalie's redemption, but for some reason we didn't. And that reason was not that she messed up Sonya's jazz routine, because she didn't--at least not enough to warrant her abrupt dismissal. Why did the judges kick her to the curb just moments after Sonya had her show the other dancers how the routine should be performed? I still don't have an answer for that one, and the whole thing still really sucks. Additionally, Natalie wasn't the only familiar face who got the shaft, as tapper Bianca was also mysteriously denied a stop in the Top 20.


3. The judges assembled a Top 20 full of people we didn't know. After watching six hours of audition footage and three hours of footage from Vegas callbacks, how viewers could have not been at least summarily introduced to more than half of the Top 20 is somewhat astounding. After all, we had enough time to watch "Sex" in a dance battle with that other dude. We spent a lot of time hanging out with two of the Kasprzak brothers. We devoted plenty of time to Gabi Rojas and Alex Wong and several others who didn't make the cut for various reasons. But eventual front-runners such as Ade, Jason and (eventual winner) Jeanine, as well as some Top 20-ers who got the boot before we ever really got to know them (Amanda, Jonathan, and to a lesser extent Karla and Vitolio), had flown completely under the radar. It took weeks for viewers to establish connections with the unknown dancers (Ade was darn near in the Top 8 before we really got a chance to see him as more than just the dude with the hair pick who carries Melissa around) and I'd say that we never really got to know them as well as those whom the producers pimped from the beginning (Brandon, Evan, Kayla, etc.).


4. Somebody decided it was a good idea to manufacture some drama between Mia and Brandon. Because seriously it didn't make any sense at all that Mia, who admitted that she likes powerful male dancers best, wouldn't see the talent in Brandon, one of the most powerful male dancers the show has ever had. Clearly, someone thought the Vegas callbacks needed some more spice, but this was not the way to add it. They ploy managed to seem completely fake, while making Mia come off like a flaming jerk, traumatizing one of the show's best dancers and damaging the integrity of the show.


5. The judges acknowledged that Tony wasn't up to the level of the other dancers and put him in the Top 20 anyway. Sure, SYTYCD has always been at least partially a popularity contest. But at least the judges usually assemble a Top 20 full of great dancers before the popularity contest really kicks in. The advancement of Tony showed that the producers were placing more importance on personality than on dance ability, which was a difficult thing to handle for those of us who love the show because it showcases great dancers (who often turn out to be cool, interesting people).


6. Brothers Evan and Ryan are pitted against each other for the final Top 20 berth (and Evan wins out). Everybody and his brother (get it?) saw it coming that the producers would arrange it so the Kasprzak brothers would have to "fight it out" for the last spot, but since both brothers were clearly more deserving than others already through to the Top 20 (especially Tony), this ploy was unnecessary, cheap and just plan mean to Evan and Ryan. Factor in the fact that Ryan seemed to be doing a better job in auditions and callbacks than his little brother, and the judges decision to put Evan through seemed to confirm once and for all that SYTYCD likes good dancers, but preferably those who are young, good-looking, not tap dancers and have a full head of hair.


7. The judges eliminate Max in Top 18 week. Granted, they were put between a rock and a hard place when three legitimate male dancers--Max, Jason and Kupono--landed in the bottom three together so early in the competition, but it wasn't fair for them to send Max home during a week where he performed his partner routine well and Kupono and Jason's respective routines were both not good. It sets a bad precedent to kick out dancers who shouldn't have even been in the bottom three in the first place (Chbeeb and Jeanine's tango was just begging for that bottom slot). And, as we learned in Season 4, when they kick out the good ballroom boys early and don't have a Benji or a Pasha to serve as an anchor, the chances go way down of having any really well-performed ballroom routines during the rest of the season.


8. The producers played favorites. Whether it was when Phillip got to do hip hop two of the first four weeks or when Melissa never had to do a hip hop partner routine or when Kayla and Kupono got to do contemporary routines two weeks in a row, sooner or later it became pretty obvious that the producers were stacking the deck to favor certain contestants while throwing some others under the bus. Certainly this kind of thing happened in other seasons too, but this time around it seemed especially blatant.


9. There were too many dances. On the surface, it would seem like the more dances we get to see the better, but I think they ended up presenting too many dances, and the quality of the individual performances suffered as a result. (Doubling up on partner dances, introducing gender-based group numbers during performance shows, etc.) My thinking is that if dancers have to dance two or more numbers a week plus solos, they won't have as much time to focus on each piece and really work it to perfection. The same holds true for the choreographers--if they have to choreograph two routines for a show, they obviously have to split their attention. And, as an audience, once we see more than 10 or so routines, it becomes fairly difficult to keep them all straight in our collective head. Maybe the routines don't seem as special as they used to because we're all operating on overload.


10. The partner routines were not as iconic as they've been in the past. There is not really one particular moment that exemplifies this phenomenon, but as the season drew to a close, it just seemed like we hadn't seen as many awesome routines as we have grown accustomed to seeing on this show. It became all the more obvious when the judges had to pick their favorite routines from the season to be performed in the finale and we had to watch a nondescript NappyTabs hip hop by Phillip and Jeanine, a forgettable Latin number by Kayla and Max, a not especially thrilling waltz from Asuka and Vitolio, and probably some more boring routines that I've already forgotten. I mean, seriously? That was the best we could do?


11. Tyce's cancer dance bolsters Melissa, leaving Janette out of the competition too early. It seemed like a foregone conclusion during Top 8 week that Melissa had gone as far as she could go in the face of the stiff competition of Kayla, Jeanine and Janette. But Tyce's ideal-for-sympathy-votes cancer dance and the judges' subsequent theatrics insured that Melissa and Ade would get tons of support, artificially keeping them (especially Melissa) in the competition for another week at the expense of Janette, who had provided some of the season's best performances and was one of the show's most versatile dancers.


12. They reminded us of what we were missing by bringing back Season 4 contestants to perform last season's Emmy-nominated routines. It became painfully obvious how lacking Season 5 was in terms of memorable routines and lovable dancers when some standouts from Season 4 re-took the stage during a results show. The fact that I never really connected with any of the dancers from Season 5 made me forget what it was like to be excited about a performance before it even started, but I was reminded of that when the far more charismatic Season 4 contestants Joshua, Katee, Twitch, Mark, Chelsie Hightower, Will and Jessica took that stage. Given a choice, I'd pick any one of Joshua, Katee, Twitch, Mark, Chelsie, Courtney G., and Will over all of the Season 5 contestants, none of whom ever seemed to me to have the spark that each of these Season 4 kids displayed. (And, frankly, I don't think I was that blown away by the Season 4-ers at the time, but boy do I miss them now.)

There you have it, folks. Let's see if we can't learn from the faults of Season 5 and recapture the glory days of SYTYCD with Season 6. I really hope so!

(photo: fox.com/dance)

SYTYCD: Finale Disappointments

So You Think You Can Dance: "Finale Performance Show"

In my four seasons of watching SYTYCD, I don't think I've ever been so unexcited about a season finale performance show. Oh well, let's see how it goes:

• They are taping the finale in the Kodak Theater, and the stage/set is gorgeous. It's going to be kind of strange to not have a bunch of teenage girls standing right smack-up against the stage though. It seems like the dancers are so far away from the people.
• Was that Pono I just saw in the audience?
• BTW, Deeley is sporting a rather sack-like shimmery, shiny gold mini dress with sleeves. I'm not loving the frock. Her loose, wavy hair, however, is awesome.
• It's Shankers (Adam Shankman)!!! I thought he might show up for the finale. It seems like the less frequently he comes around to judge, the more I like him. Last year, he annoyed me, but this year I love him. I don't really get it.
• Finally, we've found a space big enough to handle Mary's boisterous shrieking.

Wade Robson group number:

• The featurette: Two jocks hit on two cheerleaders. Um, in the practice Wade was way out-dancing all four of these people...
• The dance: Hey, what a shock, Evan can't catch a football. Ok, the camera edits bother me even more in this space than in they do in the normal venue. Maybe Jeanine's facial expressions translate better to the 3,000-person live audience, but they were not made for television close-ups. Ugh, why do I feel like I'm watching a knockoff version of Bring It On?

We take a break from the season five action to watch an epic promo for the new fall season featuring flashbacks from previous seasons and some new audition footage. Hey, I think I saw that tapper girl (Bianca) who they keep not putting through to the top 20. (She must be a glutton for punishment--or they were saving her for season six or something.) Tyce: "Season six is here, hel-LOOOO!!!" Um, here's a suggestion for Tyce: when you are judging a popular reality competition show, you probably should try to avoid sounding like Kate Gosselin yelling at Jon in Toys 'R Us. Just a thought.

Jeanine and Evan (Sonya Tayeh jazz):

• The featurette: Jeanine gets to kick and punch Evan a lot.
• The dance: The routine was not poorly danced, but I just wish I could see season four's Mark and Courtney Galiano give this routine a go. Evan is doing a pretty good job of falling though. This stage is ginormous, and because of that I think it might be difficult to do a really good job of selling the routines tonight.
• The judging: Shankers says he never saw Jeanine coming (perhaps because she was so minimally featured in the pre-Top 20 episodes?) and that he didn't think Evan would make the Top 4 either. He says that Sonya did a good job of choreographing to the strengths of the dancers (Evan's exceptional ability to fall, I guess). Nigel roots Evan on like he actually wants him to win. Ha.

Brandon's solo:

• The featurette: Brandon slips into a Southern accent sometimes. Brandon says that his favorite routine was his tango with Janette. He says that he doesn't see his dancing brilliance in himself sometimes.
• The solo: I think he's wearing the same board shorts that Matthew McConaughey wore to film that surfer movie. (Example A. Btw, why is McConaughey is in a freaking tree? Ha!) Anyway, Brandon's solo was one long, uninterrupted steam of powerful movements. It was impressive, but he certainly wasn't relaxing and just letting his brilliance flow.
• The judging: So they're judging the solos now? We must have a lot of time to kill tonight. Shankers says that he doesn't get the board shorts and that the solo was great but a bit on the frantic side.

Kayla and Brandon (Tyce Dioria Broadway)

• The featurette: Uh oh, Brandon and Kayle are about to get Tyced. Kayla promises us that this will be Tyce's last routine of the season. Tyce asked Brandon to do a "rose plop," I think.
• The dance: Why does Brandon have to dance twice in a row? That seems unfair. At least the costumes are cooler than the usual Broadway costumes on this show. Kayla's opening split on top of Brandon on the table was gorgeous. I didn't hate this number, but I'm not sure it really engaged me either. They danced it well, even if their side-by-side "pirouettes" (that's what I'm calling them anyway, Nigel called them a hopping something) got a bit out of sync (it might have been on purpose?). Brandon's sequined shirt/jacket reminds me of Chuck Bass.
• The judging: Adam, Mary and Nigel all love it. Nigel says Tyce has been amazing this season and that he's named for a cookie. Then Nigel tells an anecdote about the time he had a heart attack (because Brandon's character seemed to have a heart attack at the end of the number). So, heart attacks can be played for levity in Tyce's world, but cancer is serious. Ok then.

Jeanine's solo:

• The featurette: Sounds like Jeanine's mom decided that Jeanine would be a dancer. Oh no, we're talking about the Russian folk dance again. Let's let it go, people. Jeanine's favorite dance was the Travis Wall contemporary routine with Jason. She claims the kiss at the end of the routine was not choreographed.
• The solo: Using tango music and wearing the most bikini-like dress I've ever seen. I think I missed a lot her dancing because I spent most of the time she was out there trying to figure out what was going on with the "dress." Travis sighting! When she's done, everyone stands and applauds like they've just seen, um, I don't even know what could have warranted this sort of reaction. (Ok, yes, the pirouette was good, but it wasn't Danny Tidwell terrority or anything. Calm down a bit, people.)
• The judging: Shankers is beside himself over her pirouette. Mary says that solo was the best thing that Jeanine's ever done on this show. Uh, guess I should have paid more attention then. Nigel says Jeanine's "in the final two" as far as he's concerned. Um, yeah, he says that after only two people have done solos. What's he going to say after Kayla performs?

Brandon and Evan (Laurieann Gibson pop jazz dance battle):

• The featurette: Why do the top two boys always have to dance battle? Neil and Danny were battling princes. Josh and Twitch were battling Russian folk dancers. (But, really, wasn't Benji and Travis' non-battle nerd hip hop the best of the bunch?)
• The dance: This is kind of a weak dance battle--they weren't even looking at each other for the first chunk of the routine. They did eventually get around to some fake fighting that I didn't really buy. Seriously, dude, what kind of guys dance fight to Janet Jackson music anyway? This is so weird. Evan's actually dancing this pretty well, but there's something weird about Evan trying to have a "nasty groove."
• The judging: Adam thinks Evan "got a little dusted." Um, does Adam realize that pointing that out is just going to get all of the hardcore Evan fans to vote for him all the more? Mary wants to know what the nastiest thing Evan's ever done is. Evan says that he can't decide because "the list is so long." Nigel says Evan has a "choochy face." Frankly, if I were Evan, I'd be sooooooooooo tired of people saying how nice and sweet I am that I'd go punch somebody's grandma or something. Enough is enough.

Kayla and Jeanine (Mia Michaels contemporary):

• The dance: Um. Something bizarre happened with my FOX channel--the commercials break stretched waaaay too long and they finally cut back into the show for literally only the final 6 seconds of this dance. Uhhh, what the hell? Thanks, FOX Philly, that was so helpful. After this debacle, I don't know if Jeanine or Kayla should count on too many votes from the greater Philadelphia area...
• The judging: Adam says it was a concept piece by Mia. Mary says this piece is going to be remembered forever--not likely! I can't remember something I never saw! Mary says these two girls are the strongest girls ever in a finale. Not buying that one, and I take offense on behalf of Katee and Courtney G., Sabra and Lacey, and Heidi and Donyelle. Nigel says something pervy about how he wishes more of the girl's outfits had come off. Great, I'm so glad I got to hear that instead of getting to actually watch the dance. Thanks.

Evan's solo:

• The featurette: Evan's favorite routine was the Mia Michaels butt routine with Randi. Evan says he's "dropping the hammer" tonight. Lol.
• The solo: He's got the fedora and a tie but no suspenders. I think I enjoyed that solo more than Evan's other solos, but maybe he's just finally worn me down and is building me back up to like things I didn't use to like?
• The judging: Adam points out that this solo was a variation of his audition routine and calls doing that a calculated risk (meanwhile, Brandon did his audition solo last week and no one seemed to have a problem with that). Nigel agrees that Evan is special and entertaining, but doesn't think that Evan has grown as much over the course of the season as he would have liked. Ultimately, I agree with that assessment. (Not that I feel like any of the Top 4 have "grown" a whole heck of a lot over the course of the season, actually. I'd say they're all about as good as they were all along.)

Kayla and Evan (Tony and Melanie jive):

• The featurette: Didn't Evan already jive this year? Let's see if we can finally get a good jive this season to make up for the two bad ones.
• The dance: Why is Kayla jiving in cowboy boots and a frilly tutu? I think something about Kayla's arm movements while jiving looks very bizarre--she looks like she's flailing around a broken arm or something. I'd say that they started out pretty strong but the middle and end weren't great. The choreo kind of petered out after the cartwheel/lift sequence. There didn't seem to be much going on after that.
• The judging: Adam doesn't think that was a "finale-level routine" in his opinion. I also found it to be a little lacking, but Mary liked the choreo. Mary doesn't think that Evan has the jive kicks right yet. She also criticizes arm movements, but fails to put out that it was KAYLA's arm positions that looked so bizarre and then says that Kayla stole the show. Unbelievable. This is why Evan's going to win, people--the judges need to stop picking on him! Even I feel sorry for him now, and I thought he should have been out of the competition weeks ago! Now Nigel says that Kayla hasn't been showing personality this season up until now? Wha!? He's never complained about her not showing personality before that I recall (he did say her hair was in her face once).

Kayla's solo:

• The featurette: We get to spend a little more time with Kayla's grandparents. One last time for their cuteness to get her some votes. Kayla's favorite routine was the addiction piece with Kupono. Kayla says she's not just a dancer and always "reaches out and pulls people into the performance" or something like that. Well, that was modest.
• The dance: To "Sweet Dreams" and the strong music helps her through her iffy solo composition tendencies. It was good, but there was one leap in there that didn't look up to her typical standards.
• The judging: Adam compares her to some of the best dancers ever on the show (namely Travis, Will, and Danny). The judges all say nice things about her, but no one flat out says she should win (like they did about Brandon and Jeanine). I guess they realized that they've been backing a losing pony this whole time?

Jeanine and Brandon (Louis van Amstel paso doble):

• The featurette: To big it home one more time that the powers that be at SYTYCD want Jeanine or Brandon to win, they give them the coveted final performance slot. (It probably would have been more fair to end with the four-dancer group number, but I guess they figured that immediately after watching that cheerleader routine, people might have refused to vote for anybody.) We're ending the finale performance show with a paso? That's a bold choice. It's a good think Debbie Allen isn't here.
• The dance: Oh, it's just an excuse to get Jeanine in another bikini top. I think that this very dramatic music and strobe lighting would trick you into thinking this is a great routine even if it's not. Luckily, it does seem to be going much better than the other paso dobles of the season. Ok, the performance was good; the judges are going to be beside themselves though and I don't think it warrants that.
• The judging: Shankers thinks that what makes a champion on this show is the transitions and the small things in a dance (which, by the way, was what was missing in Kayla and Evan's jive). Mary lets out a scream because she's somehow forgotten to do that all night. And then she lets out about six more screams. Nigel also tries to scream. Nigel again goes waaaaaaaaaaay too far in regards to Jeanine and what he'd "like to do to her." You can literally hear the audible discomfort of the audience members.

Cat wants the judges to pick the winner and Adam just compliments everyone, to which Cat replies, "Mary, can you be more of a man than Adam?" HA! Go Deeley! Nigel takes a quick second to plug the fact that Evan's brother will be in season 6. (So, um, can we assume that Ryan's going to make the Top 20, because if he doesn't this is really ridiculous.) Nigel calls it for Brandon or Jeanine and Evan and Kayla look pissed off.

My favorite routines: ??? Um, I guess I'll go with the Broadway (did I just say that?) and the paso.

Honestly, right now I can't really pick who I want to win because I just feel annoyed with this episode and this season. During this performance show I went from being neutral/apathetic to kind of detesting the dancers, the judges and even the show in general. And I am not used to detesting this show; I don't like feeling this way about it. When pressed, I guess I'll go with Brandon for the win, just to compensate for all of the other fantastically-skilled boy contemporary dancers who got shafted in seasons past (Travis, Danny, Will). However, if for some reason SYTYCD forgets to announce the winner tomorrow night and we all just forget this season ever happened, that's totally fine with me too.