10 Things I Hate About You: Not Much To Like

10 Things I Hate About You:

"Pilot"

Full disclosure: I'm a pretty big fan of the film version of 10 Things I Hate About You. In fact, aside from Clueless, it's probably at the top of my list of favorite teen movies. It holds a special place in my heart because it came out in 1999, when I was, in fact, a teenager (and not a 20-something who still watches an inordinate amount of teen shows). Therefore, ABC Family's television remake of 10 Things could probably only really go one of two ways with me: I'd love it for reprising characters and story lines I adored or I'd detest it immensely for dragging something I love through the mud. After watching the pilot episode, it looks like you're heading for a sizable payday if you put your money on the "detest" option.

I'm tempted to turn my review into a list under the heading "10 Things I Hate About This Show," but I think I can boil the objects of my distaste down to a few key attributes. (I do, however, reserve the right to pull out a 10-part list if I deem it necessary after watching future episodes.)

First of all, the characters in the show failed dismally in living up to the appeal of the originals. If you think about it, for a teen movie, a lot of the actors in 10 Things turned out to be pretty legit: Heath Ledger (obviously), Julia Stiles, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and David Krumholtz all have created fairly solid bodies of work. Additionally, Gabrielle Union and Andrew Keegan were proven mainstays of the teen movie/show genre. Larisa Oleynik (Bianca) has flown fairly under the radar (at least my radar) since 10 Things, but she was pitch-perfect in the film. So, it's not like the young actors in the 10 Things television show don't have some reasonably big shoes to fill.

The problem is that they're not even coming close. I'm not going to even discuss the merits of Ethan Peck vs. Heath Ledger as Patrick, because there's probably no one who could fill those shoes. (But is Ethan even giving it that great of a try? No, not really.) Kat is rather unlikeable (and not like Julia Stiles' Kat was unlikeable because she was supposed to be gruff--this one's just annoying and seems inconsistent). The kid who plays Cameron seems to be trying to channel Michael Cera so hard that it's probably actually hurting. Bianca's okay, but not quite there yet. And this Joey is NO Andrew Keegan (lol). Even the dad in the TV show fails to live up to the charm of the dad in the movie, and he's played by the same actor!

These across-the-board shortcomings lead me to the conclusion that most of the problems with the characters in the show lie with the writing as opposed to the acting. So far, everyone seems like a caricature or a stereotype and not so much like an actual person-esque entity. No one has real soul yet. No one has real dimension.

The one character/actor I did like was Dana Davis (of The Nine, Heroes, and a far superior turn on Pushing Daisies) as Chastity. Sure, she is playing a stereotype too, but she did a good job with it.

Additionally, I'm not sure why this show is a half-hour comedy instead of a one-hour, soap-style drama like Greek. Perhaps the characters would have gelled better if they'd had a little more time. It felt like we were tearing through the episode a break-neck speed and sacrificing subtle nuances like plot and character development. (After all, we did see the first day of school, cheerleading tryouts, the first party, and another school day, which seems like a lot when an entire episode could reasonably be based solely on one school day or one party.)

Highlights + a few other things I hated:

• The background music at the beginning of the episode was a little too decidedly perky and cutesy.
• Michael: "Even the biggest dorks can be cool if they play their cards right. Look at Shia LaBeouf." (Is Shia really the best example of that phenomenon? I'm not sure I ever thought that Shia was that dorky. Goofy, maybe.)
• Cameron is really tall. He doesn't seem as sweet at the movie version either. Just pathetic.
• Kat alternates between being extremely rude and extremely idealistic and humanitarian. It's bizarre.
• One other thing I like better about the movie: it's pivotal scenes don't involve a staring contest.
• Chastity: "Of the 10 things I hated about today..." (Is that how we're tying the title into the show? It's kind of clumsy. I realize that they can't have Kat reading the "I hate the way you..." poem in the first episode since that would wrap up the entire story, but I'd have been fine if the title had never being directly referenced.)
• This keg full of non-alcoholic beer thing is straight out of Freaks and Geeks.
• Why doesn't Kat just leave this poor (Patrick) guy alone? I really don't think he's even trying to mess with her. I think they just happen to be in the same room sometimes.
• At least we know that Patrick can talk--I wasn't sure for a while there.
• This Joey character is completely different. He's not sleazy--he's just "confused."
• Dad: "Are you talking to me or the democrats in your head?"
• Bianca: "Since I'm not going to be popular, I may as well join show choir. Closeted gay guys are fun."
• Ok, now Patrick might be messing with Kat.
• Bianca: "No more NPR. It's giving me menopause."
• Um, shouldn't somebody be paying somebody else to take out the surly sister? Wasn't that the whole point?

(I suspect that the show not really living up to the movie accounts for ABC Family not playing the movie over and over again in preparation for tonight's premiere. It's probably better for them if the superior source material isn't fresh in our minds.)

(photo: abcfamily.com)