Gossip Girl: Sour Sixteen

Gossip Girl:

"The Remains of the J"

I'm going to say it: Gossip Girl is feeling a little tired these days...

Any story with Dan = tired.

Anything involving Rufus and Lily = tired.

Serena fluctuating from bad girl to good girl = tired.

Snarky quips from the mean girls = tired.

and even

Blair and Chuck messing their relationship up by any means possible = getting a little tired.

I will say that I enjoyed that Jenny had more than 3 lines in this episode. Knowing full well how annoying Little J can be, it does feel strange finding refuge in her story lines, but it is what it is.

Highlights and my thoughts:

• Serena: "What was that?"
  Blair: "Darota has a cold."
• Dan got a fan letter? Are you freaking kidding me? I guess that means there is actually someone more pathetic than Dan out there in the world.
• Jenny: "Ahh, a fan that gives homework. Lovely."
• Rufus: "Jenny might actually make it to 16."

  Dan: "That was touch-and-go for awhile."
• Bagels? Who are you people pretending to be, the Cohens? You are not pulling it off.
• Chuck: "I do my cardio in the evenings."
• Eric: "Does this seem like a sitcom to anybody else?"

  Dan: "Feels like a reality show."

  Chuck: "Good. So I can vote you off."

  Dan: "It would almost be scary if it wasn't wearing plaid."
• Jenny: "And maybe those two girls from my chem class, who didn't light my hair on fire that one time."
• Um, poor Jenny. Serena's foisting a sweet 16 party on her that she doesn't want? That's real classy, S.
• Chuck: "I see you got the e-mail I sent from Nate's account. His password has been 'soccer' since the sixth grade."
• Chuck: "Friends. That makes total sense. There's no spark between you two. There never was. You're like a green twig and a soggy match. A rusty hammer and an icy nail." (What? Lol.)
• Can't Dan get some student loans? I mean, if I were a bank, I'm not sure I'd fund his education, but I'm sure someone would.
• Oh, trust me, Blair, there will be no sparks between Nate and Vanessa. Never were.
• Wouldn't Jenny want to make her own dress? Or maybe even she's realized that her work sucks.
• Serena's yellow blouse is awesome! And it doesn't display her boobs! What is going on?
• I think I've already seen Jenny wear that black dress...
• See, there's no spark here at all. Nate really calls Vanessa "V" in normal conversation? That's kind of awkward.
• Blair's outfit is lovely. Her hair looks a little Puritanical, but whatever.
• Why are you forcing this, Blair? Forcing a relationship between you and Nate is sooooo 2007. I thought you had evolved.
• Blair: "Pour that Dom down the drain, Dorota. ...Wait, is that the '96?"
• No, Chuck, don't push it. Don't you remember the last time your over-aggressive scheming pushed Blair right into Nate's arms? It was at cotillion, and it was not that long ago. Maybe if you did fewer drugs, you'd remember this stuff.
• Serena thinks Blair had no drama with Nate? Does she not remember the first half of season 1? The bulimia? Serena having sex with Nate on a bar stool? The epic Serena/Blair fight? Blair having sex with Chuck in a moving limo? Nate flirting with Jenny? Countless occasions of Blair trying unsuccessfully to get Nate to pay the least bit of attention to her? All of that drama sprouted from the Nate/Blair coupling. That relationship is like a hotbed of drama.
• Dan: "I guess you and Dad would be moving on up...to the East Side...to a deluxe apartment in the sky."
• Jenny: "I liked my social grave. I dug it myself, and I was happy to lie in it."
• Did Dan walk all the way from Brooklyn carrying that chili? Did they take it on the subway? Eew.
• This party is not that cool. Serena should have had Blair and Dorota plan the party.
• Vanessa: "But all it's been is sleazy platitudes and you staring at my boobs."
• BTW, why would Chuck need to stare at Vanessa's boobs when he lives with Serena and hers are always on full display?
• Jenny laughed when she heard that there were strangers having sex in Serena's bed.
• Whoa, Nate's making sense again. That always seems to strange...
• Eew, Blair wants Nate to have sex with her on Chuck's bed! That's appalling, B.
• If Serena's party is so sophisticated, maybe she should have ran a brush through her hair before attending it.
• Don't speak up, Little J. Let Serena take the blame. She completely deserves it.
• OMG, I should have picked up on this sooner, but who wants to bet that Dan's fan is the long-lost Rufus/Lily kid?
• Um, no, Blair. You and Nate did not have fun. At least not the last time you were a couple. That was like the least fun situation ever.
• Poppy's bf is one of the guys Serena met at the bar when she was hanging out with G? (And he remembers her and the fake name she was using?) Small world.
• Called it! Dan's fan is the Rufus/Lily spawn. Figures that the only person loser-ish enough to like Dan's writing would share some Humphrey DNA.
• I'm glad Eric and Dan played Hungry Hippos with Jenny. That was nice.
• Eew, eew, eew. Chuck/Vanessa is gross. I know they're dating in real life, but it's still gross. (I can rationalize the real-life relationship by assuming that Jessica Szohr has a better personality than Vanessa does.)

(photo: cwtv.com)

Greek: Coming Home

Greek:

"Take Me Home, Cyprus Rhodes"

Greek = the reason I can't boycott ABC Family due to its crap treatment of Kyle XY. I am emotionally incapable of not watching this show. It just makes me so happy. My cheeks actually hurt after I watch an episode of Greek because it makes me smile the whole time.

As glad as I am that Rusty's freshman year is finally over (longest. school year. ever), it's all kinds of depressing that they're starting fall semester. Ick. I hate fall. Could we have done Greek: Summer School instead?

Best parts of the episode: Everything with Dale and also Cappie mentioning that he watches Jon and Kate Plus 8. At some point, I need to compile a list of all the shows that Cappie and I both watch.

I tried to write down all the funny quotes in this episode, but it was a battle. Whenever I was trying to write one quote down, somebody would say three more funny things. Here's what I got (mixed with some of my observations):

• Aww, Rusty was a camp counselor! How sweet.
• Vinny van Lowe! Greek continues its fascination with Veronica Mars. (They've already had Deputy Leo on the show. Plus there's that whole "Beaver"-as-a-name thing that really ticked me off at first.)
• Rusty: "I guess you could say that when it comes to little boys, I have the touch... That's not what I meant."
• Rusty: "Now go out there and proudly spread your seed! ...I'm really not sure what's wrong with me today."
• Max! He's so cute.
• Casey's internship blouse is awesome!
• Max told Casey that his Cal-Tech grant money fell through. Eesh. Like the truth isn't going to come out...
• Casey's keeping secrets from Ashleigh? Uh oh.
• Frannie's new sorority is called IKI. Casey: "Icky?"
• Beav arrives carrying beer flavored popsicles.
• Wow, Rusty did an impressive job of soundproofing his room.
• Did Rebecca switch sororities just so she could watch Frannie flounder? She seems to enjoy watching people squirm so much.
• Casey: "Last year, two girls almost came to blows over whether Cameron Diaz looks better as a blonde or brunette. And, yes, those two girls were Ashleigh and me."
• Cappie: "We just finished our nightly--morningly?--1 a.m. power nap. Morningly?"
  Beav: "Morningly."
• DALE!!!!!!!
• Dale: "I have to fight off a surly mechanical engineer to get this spot. I told him to build a bridge...and get over it."
• Dale's new roommate is deathly pale, has a weird, unplaceable accent and wrote a Dale thank you note for making his own bed!
• Rusty: "Are you aware that's how you used to talk about going to church?"
• Ben Bennett's banking on the fact that pepperoni doesn't go bad.
• Cappie: "Beaver has just hit his 14-month developmental milestones!"

  Beaver: "I can drink through a straw!"
• It would seriously mess up the show, but I think Casey taking a break from ZBZ might not be a bad idea. It would certainly cut down on the drama in her life. Aww, but poor Ashleigh. She looks so sad.
• Rusty: "And don't you find the diet of smoked meats constipating?"
• Evan! I've even missed you! Let's hope you really are back to the nicer version of yourself.
• Calvin: "If you mess with Rusty again, I will have to kick your ass." (It's about time, Cal. Where the hell were you when he hit Rusty in the face with a paddle?)
• Cappie: "...drinking beer, watching the full series of Full House on DVD."

  Casey: "Is that what you did all summer?"

  Cappie: "Of course not. I also watched Jon and Kate Plus 8. It's amazing how they make it all work."
• Yes, Cappie, senior year is short for most people. For you guys, I suspect that senior year will last for at least 5 mini seasons. I'm sure it will seem plenty long.
• Rusty (to the opossum): "This is supposed to be a single."
• Dale: "Yeah. I thought smelled the dung of a mid-sized marsupial."
• Ash: "This was a brilliant idea, Case. And not just because it gave me an opportunity to wear my camo booty shorts."
• Casey: "The other interns came with years of political knowledge. I came with subtle highlights and the ability to make a silly skit about almost anything. ...Worst of all, they called me Elle Woods."
• Rusty: "Hey guys! I just had an epiphany."

  Beav: "Aw, man. Did it get on the seats?"
• Casey: "I just met a Canadian guy who was looking for a roommate. He was really nice."

  Dale: "This Canuck is relentless!"
• AHAHAHAHA! The building manager lady winked at Dale! OMG, that was hilarious.
• I'm glad that Dale and Rusty are going to be roommates again, but I wish we'd gotten to meet Dale's Canadian roommate. That guy sounds awesome.
• Dale (to Casey): "I have no problem being your submissive. I have no problem being submissive...to you."
• So, Evan, are you rethinking this whole Frannie thing yet? Because you know it's not worth it.
• Ashleigh: "Rebecca, you could have picked the handicapped stall!"
• Yeah, I saw it coming that Rebecca is actually a spy in Frannie's house. Still not sorry that Casey told her off.
• Ashleigh has a crush on the dean! That's Cameron from Ferris Bueller, right?

(photo: abcfamily.com)

Gossip Girl: Waldorf Gone Wild

Gossip Girl:
"The Grandfather"

Well, tonight's episode of Gossip Girl got off to a bad start because my CW channel was showing it with the bottom 1/3 of the shot on the top of the screen and the top 2/3 of the shot on the bottom of the screen. That situation was completely unacceptable! Everyone looked like they'd been beheaded. (Not that it wasn't somewhat satisfying to see Dan and Vanessa's heads separated from their bodies...) Thankfully, around the time Nate was pow-wowing with his grandpa, the screen righted itself and viewing became much easier.

The episode also came to kind of bad end with this ridiculous Nate/Blair redux hook-up. But the stuff in the middle was ok.

Highlights, quotes and observations:

• Serena: "We just need to give her some time to lick her wounds."
  Chuck: "Maybe I can lick them for her."
• Oh, Lily and Rufus are still together? I'd forgotten about them.
• Rufus doesn't have anything in his dating history to be embarassed about? What about that 22-year-old (or whatever she was) that Rufus was dating last year (for like a week)?
• This weird split screen format is not the best way to showcase poor Chace Crawford's acting...
• I thought that Nate's grandpa might be Arsenault from Damages, but it looks like it's someone else. Too bad, because I bet some Arsenault-style anecdotes would quickly liven up this Vanderbilt reunion.
• Why would Blair ask Carter about his role in the kidnapping for the secret gentlemen's club incident? She's lucky she didn't have to watch that stupid storyline in the first place; there's no need to relive it!
• These Vanderbilts are big on the collared shirt/sweater look, aren't they? Every single one of them is wearing it.
• Blair: "I was such a over-achiever, I was headed for a quarter-life crisis at 18."
• Um, yeah, Blair, that quarter-life crisis? You're already having it.
• Serena: "It's going to take him 20 minutes to get through the '90s alone!"
• Um, no, Lily, you didn't find yourself saying "yes to lists"--it was your freaking idea.
• Serena: "I think you should take a peak has his little black book before you drop the yellow pages on him."
• MGMT's "Kids"! This song is soooo Spring 2008. Lol.
• Nate would make such a crappy politician. Or, well, I guess the standards aren't really that high for politicians...
• Um, trust me, cousin's fiancee, I don't think Vanessa's going to be around for the next 30 years.
• Carter: "What's this? Good cop, Bass cop?"
• What did happen in Santorini? Carter is pretty freaking scared of whatever it is.
• Serena sure got rid of Carter fast. Could she do us all a favor and focus her powers on getting rid of Vanessa now?
• How tiny did Rufus write on that index card? I could fill an index card with the names of the people he's dated in just the last year and a half.
• The Lily/Trent Reznor thing resurfaces...
• Dan: "Turned out to be less Gatsby, more Fight Club."
• Chuck: "We're not going to play Where's Waldorf all night!"
• At least Nate's not named Tripp (like his cousin). So he has that going for him.
• Nate and Vanessa are going to Europe this summer (for Summer Pierogi Tour '09)? Who knew?
• Chuck: "Great, it looks like Polanski's in town."
• Eew, why did Blair go to Nate's family reunion? To insult people? Whatever floats your boat, Waldorf...
• Is Blair's lack of a headband a sign that she's given up?
• Blair: "Hey! You! Garcon with the bubble butt!"
• Two days ago Nate was "so excited" about this Europe trip? Really? We were supposed to gather that from the one comment he made about the pierogi?
• Chuck (to the guy who made his money from adult web sites): "Sorry, everyone. Big fan of your site."
• Well, Blair's life might not be perfect anymore, but her lipstick still is.
• Serena slapped Dan on account of the teacher/costume closet sex incident? I didn't know she cared. And I didn't know she didn't know about it. I mean, he announced it to Blair and a room full of people last week. How did Gossip Girl not find out about that and post it?
• I do like Serena's flat-ironed hair.
• It's way past time to cut Vanessa loose, Nate. Just do it.
• Hmm, Nate is displaying promise as a politician. I guess C students (with drug histories) really do make the best politicians?
• I'm all for the Nate/Vanessa split, but does that mean that Blair has to take him? Nooooo. We've been there (at least twice) before.
• Too bad Nate has such a recognizable jacket...

(photo: cwtv.com)

Breaking Bad: Ding Ding!

Breaking Bad:

"Grilled"

Another great episode:

• I love the landscape shots on this show. Everything always looks so desolate.
• So what makes a car bounce up and down like that? (Oh, ok, Jesse installed something that makes it bounce... Can you tell my knowledge of lowriders is virtually nonexistent?)
• Wow, it could be convenient if they could stick Krazy 8's death on Tuco.
• The more I hear from Hank in his work settings, the less I like him... Oh, but that was funny that he had everyone yelling that they'd find Tuco and then immediately upon leaving the room said "We're not going to find him."
• Has Skyler found the money and the gun in the diaper box yet?
• Aw, poor Skyler. She's handling this so well.
• It's kind of impressive that Walt and Jesse were both in Jesse's trunk and they didn't seem particularly cramped in there.
• I am amazed that Jesse's arm is not fractured after Tuco slammed the trunk on it and then threw him to the ground.
• At least the annoying sister (Marie) is helping to hand out the missing fliers.
• Marie's really bringing up the tiara incident now?! Oy vey.
• Tuco's uncle doesn't mind that his son brings people over who he intends to kill? (I guess the old guy is not that with it.)
• Tuco is so far off his rocker it's not even funny. Eek.
• Tuco doesn't know that Gonzo's dead!
• Portraying Tuco looks like a strenuous task. Wow. So much yelling! Raymond Cruz is doing a nice job.
• Jesse: "So you plan to ice Gonzo, like future tense?"
• Oh my gosh--Tuco's going right for the ricin! Walt and Jesse's blank facial expressions when he picked up the packet were fantastic.
• Oh, Jesse, I think Tuco's already been flying high for days.
• Jesse, you're over selling it!
• Marie: "Actually, I think the very fact that they haven't found him bodes well. I mean, if he you know... somebody would have smelled something by now."
• Marie: "How do you know? You didn't even know he had a second cell phone."
• This degenerate does snort everything within his reach.
• Walt: "Crack him over the head with something?" as he holds up the flyswatter.
• Jesse: "Well, he don't much like the taste of chili P. That much has been established."
• Oh my gosh, Tuco's uncle is totally still cognizant! He knows they are trying to poison Tuco. At least Tuco is totally not taking the hint.
• Oh my freaking heck! Tuco is machine gunning a cow!
• Is the uncle tapping out Morse code with the bell? I don't think so. I find it hard to believe that Tuco would know Morse code. Ok, it seems to be a much more simple one ding for yes, two for no. But, Tucco, if he can only answer your questions with yes or no, you need to ask him yes or no questions! What's he supposed to do with all these open-ended questions you're asking?
• Oh no! Poor Jesse!
• Fight, Jesse, fight! Wow, grabbing the gun out of Tuco's belt and shooting him with it was a very nice move!
• I cannot believe Walt left the machine gun in the car! He always leaves the guns behind.
• Nice shot, Hank.
• Phew! Well, at least Walt and Jesse are done with Tuco now. Unfortunately, they're also stranded in the middle of the desert, and the DEA knows that Jesse's car was at Tuco's hideout...
• I'm still missing the point of the creepy pink stuffed bear from last episode's opening scene. I guess I'll have to wait and see. (I was thinking it might have been left over from last season's baby shower, but it doesn't seem like it. It has to have something to do with the baby daughter though, right?)

(photo: amctv.com)

Breaking Bad: Meth Madness

Breaking Bad:

"Seven Thirty-Seven"

Yea! I'm glad this show is back; it's so flipping awesome. I watched and loved it last year (but never got around to blogging about it for some reason). Bryan Cranston winning the Best Actor in a Drama category at the Emmys was definitely one of the highlights of the awards ceremony for me (the others being Zeljko Ivanek winning Best Supporting Actor for Damages and Mad Men taking Best Drama. I also think that Aaron Paul deserved a nomination.). Geez, cable dramas are good.

In fact, I wonder if Breaking Bad isn't overall the best show on television (Steven King thinks it is). It certainly has got to be in the top five. It's amazing how quickly it can go from being completely devastating one second to absolutely hilarious the next and then right back to devastating. I mean, this show is grim. There's no way to deny that, but it also includes these moments of comic genius that break the tension for one quick beat. One I remember in particular was when Walt told Jesse that they'd need an eye-wash station in the RV where they were going to cook meth. I mean, does it get more high school chemistry teacher than that? It's these moments of unexpected, dark humor that keep us viewers from exploding from the stress or running screaming from the room.

This particular episode, however, was more terrifying that humorous (although that "rice 'n beans" joke was hysterical). Like seriously terrifying. As in, I'm a little scared to go to bed tonight, and Tuco doesn't know what I live. And that stuffed bear is going to haunt me. Holy crap.

Highlights and observations:

• Oh my gosh. That is easily the creepiest looking stuffed animal I have ever scene. That thing is terrifying.
• Oh, yeah, I forgot about the blue meth. (Wait, of course I forgot about it--this show hasn't been on for a freaking year.)
• After an impressive display of mental math, Walt figures out that he needs to leave his family $737,000 to take care of their major future needs. That amounts to eleven more weeks of cooking meth and eleven more drug deals with Tuco, which Walt decides is "definitely doable."
• One minute later, Tuco comes back because the guy he just beat up is now dead. He expects Walt to fix it, but come on: he's a science teacher, not a doctor! This is one crazy-ass drug deal. Tuco is beyond nuts. Eleven more drug deals with Tuco is suddenly not seeming "doable" at all.
• I like their green nursery.
• Well, I can understand why Jesse might think that he needs a gun to make it through 11 more Tuco deals, but I don't think it's going to help.
• Walt: "This is conjecture."
• Jesse: "Are you basing that on that he's got like a normal healthy brain or something?"
• Wow, Walt and Jesse have gotten themselves into several "him or us" scenarios in a pretty short amount of time.
• How much Splenda can Marie drink in her coffee? And, holy crap, she just ran over the poor kid's remote control car! She is hanging on by a thread.
• Hank: "Try rolling it, morons! It's a barrel! It rolls!"
• Holy effing heck, that's Tuco's car at Walt's house!
• Ha! Skyler hung up on her sister! (I can't say that I blame her.)
• Jesse: "Don't we, like, double our chances...mathematically?"
• Walt: "I have a better idea: beans. Caster beans. ...We're going to process them into ricin."
  Jesse: "Rice 'n beans."
• Ohhhh, I forgot about the tiara incident.
• Maybe Hank will look the other way if he finds out about Walt's drug dealing since he looks the other way on his wife's shoplifting.
• Hank: "We've got to be understanding. We've got to support the shit out of her."
• I think Jesse is too involved with this ricin making. I wouldn't really trust that job to him.
• Walt: "How much salesmanship to we really need? That degenerate snorts anything he gets his hands on."
• Oh my gosh--I thought Hank blew up Walt's house or something since he called with the flashing police lights behind him. I totally fell for that fake out.
• Ack! Tuco killed the big guy (Gonzo) too?
• Who takes a picture of two murder victims and sends it to his brother-in-law?
• Lock the door after you enter the house, Walt!
• Don't leave the money and the gun on the floor of the nursery in a diaper box!
• Wow, Hank and the other police people are jerks! Taking pictures with themselves and dead people? Ugh.
• OMFG. Tuco's in the back seat of Jesse's car! AHHHHHHHHHH--and that's the end of the episode! Since I'm watching this a couple weeks late, I do already have the next episode on tape and I want to watch it, but I don't think I'd be able to handle another hour of this right now. I think I'd better give myself some time to recover. I hope Walt and Jesse will be ok. Especially Jesse--I love that kid.
• So what the hell was up with that pink stuffed bear, anyway?

(photo: amctv.com)

Kyle XY: Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Kyle XY:
"Bringing Down the House"

This episode of Kyle XY was a great hour of television. But it wasn't a series finale. If anything, it was a let's-crack-this-baby-wide-open-because-we've-got-a-couple-more-seasons-of-story-to-tell type of episode.

But the reality is that Kyle XY isn't going to get the chance to tell us a few more seasons worth of stories. This fantastic episode with a rather wild cliffhanger is all we're going to get. And that just sucks.

Let me wipe the I-miss-Kyle-already tears out of my eyes and get on with the episode's highlights:

• I don't really understand Cassidy's "blackmail" on Kyle. Kyle's family wouldn't blame him if he had actually accidentally killed Jessi (when she was trying to kill Cassidy). I think they all understand that Jessi can be unstable and that Kyle would try to keep her from hurting someone. Cassidy doesn't have much of a leg to stand on here.
• Oh, this Kyle/Jessi thing is not going away. That was a very tight hug.
• Holy hell, Kyle's not wearing a shirt! Well, if this is the last episode of Kyle XY ever, at least we get to ogle Kyle's bare chest for awhile. It seems that the people in charge have stumbled onto a very effective way of placating me...
• LOL at Jessi talking about Kyle's pectoral muscles.
• Kyle: "Your hand...it feels nice." (My goodness.)
• AHAHAhahaha! The face Kyle gave Jessi after she told him that the "charge" he felt was his libido was hysterical. Too funny for words. I seriously need to obtain a screencap of him making that face.
• Ha! It was also amusing when Nicole walked in on Jessi and Kyle with half his shirt on. Not a very smooth cover up there from Kyle.
• Jessi: "I'll be in the other room pretending to be dead."
• Josh: "Can anyone help me figure out how to throttle my girlfriend long distance?"
• Josh really should have been more careful to hide the fact that Andy slept over when he was ranting. He should be very grateful to Kyle for keeping his parents preoccupied with other matters so that they are completely ignoring his indiscretions.
• Jessi: "We can access the city police's thermal imaging scans. Like how they find the people growing the weed!"
  Kyle: "The weed?"
  Jessi: "Yeah, the blaze. The herb. Chronic."
  Kyle: "Where'd you pick that up?"
  Jessi: "Cable."
• Wow, Amanda remembers the number the Ouija board gave them when Kyle asked it his birthday. I forgot that even happened.
• Kyle's getting a lot of action today. First Jessi felt him up, now Amanda kissed him.
• Kyle: "How was it possible to feel electricity for one person, and butterflies for another?" (And, more importantly, which is better?)
• Jessi: "And dead girls get stuck in the house doing thermal scans of Seattle's industrial district."
• Wow, now Nate's making fun of people's mothers? He's just full of charm.
• Doesn't Latnok have security cameras? Kyle's kind of ripping apart their computers in plain sight.
• Ha, Jessi identified the bacteria in Josh's cup.
• Kyle's burning Adam's journals on the barbecue grill?
• Oh, Kyle's just lying to the bad guys, Nicole. It's not that big of a deal.
• Kyle: "Thanks for coming with me."
  Declan: "Are you kidding? Being your lookout? Breaking into someone's apartment? It's like the old days. I'd be pissed if you hadn't have asked me."
• Declan can pick locks now?
• Kyle: "Isn't that breaking and entering?"
  Declan: "It was ok when it was just entering?"
  
• OMG! There are going to be hundreds of cloned Kyles running around?! And the show's ending now?! Nooooo!!! I want to see all the Kyles!
  
• Whoa--Kyle and Jessi kissing made the lights explode!
  
• Hmm, maybe Nicole does have a solid argument about this no-Kyle-and-Jessi-dating-while-living-in-her-house thing. They're going to blow out all her lamps and electrical appliances. That could get expensive.
  
• Andy has brothers?
  
• Ugh, Kyle has to squirt this bacteria stuff into all these different tanks? How time consuming...
  
• Nice standing high jump, Kyle!
  
• Jessi: "I imagine you're not dropping off another lasagna."
  
• Jessi: "Unfortunately, you're going to have to do it."
  Amanda: "What? Break into his room and steal his files?"
  Jessi: "I was thinking firebomb, but okay."
  
• Wow, Kyle can reverse gravity. Or at least stall it. That's fantastic.
  
• Hey, Mark, thanks. You've turned into quite a helpful guy.
  
• Ha, well, Amanda's secretly kind of badass :-)
  
• Geez! That's quite the taser Cassidy's got there.
  
• This Cassidy fellow has quite the mommy complex.
  
• Nice punch, Kyle!
  
• So "the old Kyle" wouldn't have done whatever it takes to protect Amanda and the Tragers? I disagree.
  
• Whoaaaa, huh?! Kyle's as-of-yet unmentioned mother is Cassidy's mother?! Cassidy is his brother?! Aaaand, that's it?! Yep, there was no conclusion here at all. Arrrrgh.
  

So, um, wow. Kyle has a mother. Who knew? Personally, since I was under the impression that Adam and Sarah were a couple, I would have thought that Adam's son would also be Sarah's son (if he had an actual mother at all), but apparently that is not the case. And I guess we should be heartily thankful for that because otherwise we'd be watching a lot of Kyle/Jessi incest. But why has this woman not been mentioned before? Shouldn't Adam have warned Kyle that he has a crazy-ass mother out there somewhere?

And then there's the Amanda/Jessi debacle. Who does he pick? Kyle doesn't know, and I can't say that I have the answer either. I've always been on the Kyle/Amanda team. And I'm usually a stick-with-the-love-interest-the-show-started-with type of girl. But it's undeniable that Jessi has turned out to be all kinds of awesome. She was freaking hilarious in this episode. And she and Kyle definitely have a certain spark that the extremely chaste Kyle/Amanda relationship tended to lack. Sorry, Kyle, I don't know what to tell you to do.

Another disappointing aspect of this "series finale" is that we didn't get much of an opportunity to say goodbye to any of the characters that we've come to know over the years. Somewhat understandably, Kyle's mission consumed most of the episode, not leaving much time for the other characters to further their own stories. Josh had a pretty nice storyline with Andy. Nicole did get to express her love and concern for Kyle. It was cool that Declan popped up for a little illegal activity. But Lori was barely in this episode at all! And Lori is easily one of the best parts of this whole show.

When a television series is canceled prematurely and a movie is out of the question, it is often suggested that the story be continued (and ultimately resolved) in a comic book. I think this would be a perfect medium for Kyle XY. I mean, this story practically reeks of comic book fodder. And, I for one, would like to know what happens with all of this stuff, even if I can't watch it resolved on television. It wouldn't even have to be an actual comic book either--ABC Family could just post it on its Web site. Don't they owe us some closure? (Posted on the Web site now is a fairly detailed discussion of the show's long-term plans. Personally, I would still like to see how it would all play out.)

The main downside to a comic book: we won't get to see Matt Dallas's beautiful face (and body). Oh, Kyle, I miss you already.

(photo: abcfamily.com)


P.S. Remember when all episodes of Kyle XY had to somehow work in a reference to Sour Patch Kids? Those were the days... Bye, Kyle.

Gossip Girl: A Comedy of Manners

Gossip Girl: "The Age of Dissonance"

Someone must be made to account for me not getting to see Chuck Bass acting in the senior class play! Why deny me of that awesomeness? Especially if it's only to make me watch Chuck muddle his way through yet another week of this crappy escort/secret society plot line.

Highlights and observations:

• They're doing The Age of Innocence. Ha. That's funny.
• Nate: "I still can't believe Chuck got a doctor to diagnose him with acute stage fright. Should have gone with mercury poisoning."
• Blair: "But really, S, aren't you sick of brooding artists?"
• Dan and Rachel are acting out the Police song "Don't Stand So Close To Me." The one about the young teacher and the student and strong words in the staff room.
• What the hell else does Vanessa have to do but make a documentary about the senior play?
• Why does Chuck seem to be flirting with Mr. Campbell? Ha ha.
• Carter! That Sebastian Stan is everywhere these days.
• Seriously, we don't get to see Chuck's thespian skills just so he can do more of this stupid escort/secret society storyline all by himself? No fair.
• No, Jenny, don't pass notes between Dan and his teacher girlfriend. You know better.
• How many times has Yale granted and rescinded Blair's acceptance now? This is ridiculous. Doesn't Yale have anything better to do than mess with one girl? If they're really this bored, the could help Vanessa with her documentary.
• Gossip Girl: "When God closes a door, he opens a play."
• Blair: "No, leave it. She'll need as much padding as possible."
• How could Julian not be paying attention to Serena? She doesn't seem to have put her shirt all the way on.
• Vanessa: "Yeah. And I'm totally annoying." Finally, she gets it!
• Holy moly. Is Rufus actually going to act like a father? Um, well, kind of... He did better than he usually does, but he still left a little to be desired. I mean, she might not have gotten the hint from his scene of returning the key. He probably should have thrown in a "Stay the hell away from my kid, OR ELSE!" for good measure.
• Serena's not a very good actress.
• Um, I can tell you a few reasons why The Great Gatsby film stunk...
• Ha ha ha, poor Nate! He's so gullible.
• Wow, now somebody's after Serena now too! This is getting interesting.
• Um, shocker. Of course Carter's up to no good. Duh, Chuck. You used to be smarter than this.
• Blair: "You're right. I'm an actress. No, I'm a seagull!"
• I kind of want Dan Humphrey's head on a platter too. Just in general.
• Should a teacher who was just accused of having an affair with a student be showing off that much cleavage? Geez!
• Um, just try to stay away from her Dan. I bet you can do it. Or at the very least don't screw her in the costume closet! Argh! Stupid, stupid, stupid.
• Nelly Yuki is really selling it ;-)
• Julian: "My friends, you are still in labor!"
  Nelly: "I fell like I'm in labor..."
  
• Dan (to Blair in the play): "You might be the most honest woman I've ever met."
  
• The scene with Dan and Blair in the carriage was hilarious.
  
• Nate's on-stage meltdown was great. Especially when Blair played along. Suddenly, they made the play interesting.
  
• Good riddance, Vanessa. Nate's so over this.
  
• Hey, the professional escort was just using you, Chuck! Imagine!
  
• Dan (to Blair): "And we had sex in the costume closet, so you can do whatever you want with that."
  
• Geez, Vanessa, just go the hell away. Oh, Nate, don't take her back. It's not worth it.
  
• I enjoyed seeing Chuck being let in by Dorota in her fluffy pink bathrobe.
  
• Is Blair drinking that martini, or just sitting there with it?
  
• Frankly, I'm not bummed that the Chuck and Blair reunion isn't going to happen tonight. If the great Chuck/Blair reunion ended up happening as the result of a random escort/secret society plot line that went nowhere, I'd be peeved.
  
• Next week's promo: Is Blair taking her rejection from Yale as an excuse to bed as many boys (who aren't Chuck) as possible? Both Carter and Nate next week? Goodness, Miss Blair!
  

(photo: cwtv.com)

Kings: Slaying the Giant

Kings: "Goliath"

Before I discuss the pilot episode of Kings, I must begin by saying that the kid who plays David (Chris Egan) reminds me so much of Rolf (Daniel Truhitte) from The Sound of Music that it's distracting. I keep expecting him to belt out, "I am seventeen going on eighteen; I'll take care of you!" and dance around a gazebo. I can't be the only one who sees this. Here they are side by side:

Now, as for Kings, I'm not totally sure how I feel about the show. I love The Tudors, so a new show featuring intrigue in the court of a royal monarchy seems promising (especially since it's a show that I don't need Showtime to watch). It's also very intriguing that Kings tells the story of a modern kingdom ruled by a monarch. It seems modern monarchies usually only show up in pop culture in ridiculous teen movie like The Princess Diaries or The Prince & Me. But from the looks of it, Kings' Kingdom of Gilboa is nothing like Princess Mia's Genovia.

I think my main complaint about Kings is that it's really dense. I spent most of the episode trying to figure out the history behind this whole King Silas business. After all, since this isn't The Tudors and this stuff didn't really (more or less) happen, you can't just Wikipedia the names of characters to help you understand what's going on. Plus, the show also uses a lot of (sometimes rather heavy-handed) religious allusions, so that adds even more for viewers to wade through.

Is the show worth all the effort? I'm not sure yet, but I think it might be. It's certainly interesting. King Silas sure seems to be quite the character, I'm thinking that you probably don't want to mess with the queen, Prince Jack is basically Chuck Bass with a few interesting twists, and I liked the chemistry between Daniel and Princess Michelle. I think that the show would be better if they dial back the politics a tad and up the soapiness quotient, but that might just be my personal preference.

Specific thoughts and highlights:

• The capital is called Shiloh? Are we supposed to search for context clues in the Neil Diamond song? Or is it a reference to Shiloh Jolie-Pitt?
• Rev. Samuels: "You are very polite, David."
  David: "It's just how I was raised."
  Rev. Samuels: "Do something about that before you grow up."
• Butterflies? Really?
• So the king was a soldier who was raised up into being a monarch? That's interesting.
• Dude, this David kid is seriously badass.
• David Shepherd? Seriously? Isn't that allusion a little heavy-handed? (Especially since Lost is already using that Shepherd one.)
• Whoa, the queen's assistant is displaying a lot of cleavage! This isn't The Tudors. I'm glad the queen had a problem with that too.
• So, is it a coincidence that the king's son acts like Chuck Bass and is played by Sebastian Stan (Carter from Gossip Girl), who is Leighton Meester's real-life boyfriend? Doubtful. I do have to say though that I thought Sebastian was really good in this episode. I guess GG wasn't utilizing his full range by just having him steal money from Nate and get beat up at cotillion.
• He's the freaking king of Gilboa--of course he has a tailor!
• Queen: "Why is it that pretty people are always so bad with details?"
• Not the butterfly story again. This is getting old. (Prince Jack agrees with me.)
• Rev. Samuels: "You're drinking a single malt that God himself only takes out of the cabinet once a year."
• Oh, look, David's a master pianist too! Is there anything this kid can't do?
• King Silas: "Ahh, half my kingdom it is."
• Eesh, so it turns out that King Silas rules with an iron fist. That guy got offed just for standing up too soon.
• Princess: "The human will can take ashes and turn it into ice cream."
• OMG! The prince is gay! I didn't see that coming. I fell for his womanizer act. Aww, poor kid.
• Oh geez--invading right after you sign a peace treaty? That's ballsy (and rather immoral).
• Who was this "whore" that the king loved and "gave up"? I wonder how long until she shows up... Ahh, all of 5 minutes. They sure telegraphed that reveal. And a secret kid too! Silas must be doing a lot of controlling of the press if no one's figured all this out yet.
• Oh, Silas means business when he starts using the royal "we" pronoun.
• Silas wants the Rev. Samuels to declare a fast? Seriously?
• Silas set up the whole kidnapped soldiers thing in the first place (thus almost getting his own son killed).
• Ok, David, hate to argue with you here since you're clearly so distressed, but you are brave. Nobody else went running into the enemy camp to try to rescue the hostages.
• Ok, so you can force a new peace on two countries by going out in the middle of the field and giving a long, flowery speech?
• Silas: "The king's brother-in-law came to congratulate him on the truce."
• Hey, I'll trade this war for another one, because maybe I'll actually understand what's going on in the new one.
• Ha--the queen purposely stages little shows for the press to make it looks like Jack screws all her secretaries.
• Well, of course Jack is going to be in on the plot to overthrow Silas. Any good coup needs somebody with a claim to the thrown.
• Um, David, you probably shouldn't go talk to the princess while you know her dad is watching.
• Oh no, here come the butterflies. This is getting a little silly.

(photos: David--nbc.com; Rolf--Robert Wise Productions for Twentieth Century-Fox Corp.)

Kyle XY: Kyle of the Pure and Beautiful Soul

Kyle XY:

My thoughts on the third-to-last and second-to-last episodes of the series.

"The Tell-Tale Heart"

Kyle and Jessi spend some intense moments in the bathtub trying to figure out what really happened to Jessi's mom.

• Oh, geez. Frankly I'm surprised that Amanda didn't walk into to see Kyle and Jessi hugging, etc. She normally gets to witness that sort of behavior.
• The Tragers don't mind if two of their kids cuddle all night?
• I didn't know that Kyle could sleep out of the tub.
• Why didn't Steven bother to explain to Josh why letting Andy move in with them is not a option? He just said no and left it at that, which seemed dumb and mean.
• Jessi: "I can make him tell us what he knows."
  Kyle: "That not acting normal."
  Jessi: "It is for me."
• Declan walking in on Lori while she was dancing was funny.
• Lori: "For all I know, she lured him out of the house to some remote cabin to turn him into her love slave."
• Kyle should have come up with a more interesting distraction than a computer program.
• Declan's actually cracking me up in this episode.
• How did Declan not foresee that locking Lori and Hillary up together would eventually backfire on him?
• Lori (to Hilary): "Maybe you should think twice before leaving home with half an outfit."
• Well, Kyle, you're not really invading Jessi's privacy if you were there for all of the memories in the first place.
• Shut up about Kyle and Adam Baylin, Amanda! Geez--this is why Kyle can't tell you anything; you have no filter.
• Seriously, Nicole, what kind of doctor are you going to call to help Jessi?
• It sucks that it turned out that Jessi's mom is dead, but on the bright side, Jessi did get to spend a lot of time in the tub with Kyle.
• Screenwriting 101: If you introduce the materials for a food fight in an episode, they've got to be put to use before the episode is over.
• There must have been lots of storage space on Sarah's disposable cell phone.
• Oh, Nicole, like you didn't see the Kyle/Jessi kiss coming. You should have, anyway.

"Guess Who's Coming to Dinner"

The Children of the Pod enact a plan to find out why Cassidy killed Sarah and what Latnok is really up to.

• Oh geez! Jessi's sleep-choking Kyle! Dude, enter her bedroom at your own risk...
• Oh, Amanda, it's looking like you're toast. This Kyle/Jessi thing does not seem to be going away.
• Spock ears are going to impress Andy?
• Shouldn't Kyle and Nicole have made sure that they were having this conversation somewhere that Jessi wouldn't overhear it? I mean, the girl hears everything.
• Why does Nate partnering with Kyle on a project ingratiate him with Amanda? It wouldn't impress me much. If anything, I think I'd be uncomfortable that my new boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend were spending time together. But I am not Amanda...
• Oh, Jessi, yes, you are as fragile as Nicole thinks.
• Jessi: "Kyle kissed me."
  Lori: "Eew."
• Lori: "Because it's Kyle of the pure and beautiful soul, and we want whats best for him."
• See, Jessi? You are fragile. Everything everybody says upsets you immensely.
• Andy: "It makes me sad to think that his ambition might stop when I leave." Wow, Andy, you're kind of full of yourself, aren't you?
• Wow, Andy's moms just create one annoying situation after another for their poor daughter, don't they?
• Hold on--Cassidy's first name is Michael? As in Michael Cassidy of The O.C., Hidden Palms and Privileged? If that's really his name, couldn't we just have had Michael Cassidy play him?
• I like Lori's outfit. It looks very professional. Oh, except for the visible bra straps.
• Ugh, Jessi. Why must you be like this?
• Lori doesn't eat cooked fruit?
• Eew. Nicole is worried about Kyle and Jessi being romantically involved while living in the same house, but meanwhile Josh is having sex with his girlfriend in a coffee shop? Eew.
• Oh, come on! It's not Jessi's fault that she killed the hunter! She didn't know what was going on. She had just gotten out of the pod, and she was alone.
• Kyle, if there's ever a time to tell someone to get the hell out of your house, now's it.
• Cassidy: "You've spent an excessive amount of time being her anchor. That's got to be draining."
• Um, Cassidy, I'd watch where you're going. You know Jessi's going to come after you, right?
• Oh, Josh and Andy are sneaking into his house to have sex. That's a little better than doing it right in the coffee shop, I guess...if for no other reason than it has to be a major health code violation.
• Cassidy: "You need help."

  Jessi: "Actually, I think you do."
• Jessi has quite a future as a torturer...
• Whoa, how did Kyle throw Jessi against the wall just by holding his hand up? And how would that kill her? Jessi should be able to stand up to a lot more than that...
• Ahh! It's all an elaborate trick! And Foss is in on it! Yea, Foss!
• Wow, Cassidy is dumb if he can be fooled by two pod kids who are unable to lie.
• Kyle: "I hadn't had much experience with lying. But when it was necessary, it turned out I was good at it."

I can't believe there's only one more episode of Kyle XY left. It feels like there is way too much left to resolve. I mean, we don't even know who Cassidy's Latnok bosses are, so taking down the whole organization in one episode seems like too tall of an order. Plus there's the whole Kyle/Jessi/Amanda situation, which seems like it will need a couple more years to fully play out into any sort of conclusion. And Lori and Declan seem like they might be sliding back into like with each other, but getting them back together in one episode would seem like it was rushing things.

This article indicates that we're not going to get the full closure we'd like, since the Kyle XY producers didn't know the show was going to be canceled after this season. Seems like ABC Family could have at least given them a heads-up so that they could give the show a proper ending. I certainly think that ABC Family owes at least that much to this show, which was instrumental in establishing a new brand for the network. Wildfire met a similar situation last year, and--while the ending was a little rushed--at least that show was able to reach acceptable conclusions for most of its main plot points. It doesn't look like Kyle will be as lucky, and we Kyle fans will just have to take whatever resolution we can get.

No matter how the series wraps up, I know I'll be sad to say goodbye to Kyle.

(photo: abcfamily.com)

Damages: Looking in Closets

Damages: "Uh Oh, Out Come the Skeletons"

Boy, could this episode title apply to every single episode of Damages ever!

The play-by-play:

• Nooooo, Ellen, don't go to Wes' up-state cabin!
• So what's the secret angle involving the FBI Agent #1's divorce? Because there's seriously something up with that.
• Whoa! FBI Agent #1 was watching Ellen's "6 month later" conversation with Patty! (And the subsequent gun shots!)
• I'm glad that the FBI guys don't understand this energy trading scheme either.
• So, Patty's son (Michael) didn't actually apply to colleges (I'm speculating on that one), and he has a secret girlfriend? I figured he had to be up to some shenanigans by now. The kid is trouble.
• Why do Stan and Walter always seem to meet in the bathroom?
• Um, is Claire showing a bit too much boob for a work function? She looks like freaking Serena van der Woodsen on a trip to Yale!
• Ahh, yes, Walt's integrity is just astounding.
• Holy moly, is that Michael's girlfriend? She's awesome!
• I thought "Pam's" phone voice sounded a little manly in that earlier scene. So what's this dude (FBI Agent #1) up to?
• Oh, yeah, I forgot that Ellen had the same mom at George O'Malley.
• Pathmark! They have those in Delaware! Where does Ellen's family live?
• You can't tell your employees to "live their lives on their own time" one second and then ask them personal questions the next, Patty!
• Phil: "So what are we thinking? Schizoid? Skinhead? Scientologist?"
• Holy crap, that's not the fun piercing girl! This lady's like 40! (Ph. D. in 1988? Is that what she said? That makes her, what, 45? She doesn't look 45. I hope I misheard.)
• At least Claire is displaying less cleavage for the lunch with her father. Well, marginally less cleavage anyway.
• If you're trying to pull something shady, you probably shouldn't live with another FBI agent.
• Who wants to know stuff about the Patty Hewes investigation? Is it Patty? Is that how she knew about the infant mortality case? I don't think she knew for sure what was up with that though. Maybe it's Tom? Holy crap, would it be nice to see Tom not just being Patty's doormat for once!
• Patty: "Mention that name to your boss, and whatever settlement figure he's authorized, tell him to triple it. Then we'll start boring each other from there." (Patty, being badass again.)
• Katie!!!!!
• Ellen sexed-up her hair to go out.
• Oh no, Drunk Ellen is bad news. It's nice to see her acting like something other than a balled-up wad of nerves for a change, but this is kind of a disaster.
• Wow, Daniel and Claire aren't as dumb as they look. They figured this whole energy trading scheme out extremely quickly. (And, added bonus, I now understand it too! Yea!)
• Thank goodness the only person who went home with Ellen was Katie! I love Katie's sweater.
• Don't talk to Katie, Ellen! I love the girl, but she has no filter! She just blurts out all the important secrets at the drop of a hat (like Amanda from Kyle XY).
• Well, if that wasn't a tacit admission from Walter that Aracite is toxic, I don't know what is.
• Ugh, Michael's lady friend (cougar) is annoying.
• Patty: "You will break his heart, and when you do, I'll rip your face off."
• Eeew! Who was the unfortunate sap who had to watch Claire and Daniel getting busy? Yucko.
• Oh dear, who were the people in the FBI Agent #2's house?
• Hey, Ellen, check in Wes' closet while you're there!
• It does sound like Ellen's rocking a southern accent in this scene (just like I thought last week when they showed the previews)! "I'm gonna lose my mind!" She sounds like Blanche DuBois!
• Well, it's not the end of the world that she's telling this to Wes, since he already knows it all anyway (more or less). If anything, it might score her some sympathy with him and make him less inclined to off her.
• Rick! Scruffy's name is Rick!
• Hmm, what did Wes do that Scruffy Rick knows about that would send him to jail for the rest of his life?
• So Stan is paying off FBI Agent #1 and killed FBI Agent #2? Who the hell is this guy, anyway?
• There goes my hope that Tom's not being a doormat for once...
• Ok.....Did Ellen shoot Patty but not thoroughly enough to prevent her from stumbling out to the elevator in a daze? Or did Ellen shoot somebody else whose blood Patty got on her hands before she stumbled out to the elevator? Oh, but in this episode before-the-theme-song clip, both Ellen and Patty confirm that it is "just the two of [them]" in the room. (Unless they're both trying to hide the presence of someone else...) This is soooooooo complicated. It's amazing how they can show you what happened, but you still don't know what the hell's going on.
• In any event, you gotta love the symmetry of Patty now ending up bloody in Ellen's elevator, as last season's iconic image was Ellen bloody in Patty's elevator.
• I'm confused about something else (HUGE understatement). Ellen was approached by the FBI before any of this UNR stuff existed. So the FBI was after Patty pre-UNR. Stan's interest seems to be with UNR. Was he paying off the FBI guy pre-Patty/UNR? Why did he want to see Patty go down before she even started messing with UNR?

Wow, there are only three more episodes left in this season! So something will start making sense soon, right? Nah, that's probably wishful thinking.