Train. Wreck.

MTV Video Music Awards 2007:
Oh sweet heavens, this is a disaster.

Britney, Britney, Britney. When, when, when are you going to get your act together? Against, I suppose, my better judgement, I really thought Brit's performance tonight was going to be hot. I figured that even if she's a mess, there have to be enough smart, creative people around her that she'll literally have no choice but to rip it up. But from the sparkly underwear costume to the unattractive weave to the extremely uninspired, half-assed dancing to the barely even attempted lip-synching to the look of sheer terror on her face, this was just an absolute train wreck.

It would have been great if she'd either actually sang or actually danced. And if she'd worn more clothing! Her days of the sexy "I'm a Slave for You" abs are gone. As are her days of being able to put on a decent performance. This is not the Britney of our youth, friends.

Wow. But it's not just Britney--this whole show is like watching one huge pile of mess. The structure is insane; they keep flashing randomly to the "parties" where bands/rappers are performing, but we never really see a whole song because they just cut away again. I guess I'm way too old for the VMAs now. It's like it's being produced by a third grader with ADHD who didn't take his meds this morning.

By far the best part was the two little boy backup dancers for Chris Brown. Those two were gold! Britney definitely would have been helped out by some really cute children dancing next to her. Other than the fact that he was clearly not singing, Chris was pretty good too. His performance as a puppet was head and shoulders more convincing than anything he did on The O.C.

I also just wanted to mention that it was super classy of Pete Wentz to mention InvisibleChildren.com in his acceptance speech for Fall Out Boy's Best Group win. It was also kind of sweet how misguided he was in thanking "the real music fans out there." Oh, Pete, let's be honest, the "real music fans" didn't even make it though Britney's number...

Poor Jennifer Garner. I feel bad that she had to attend this disaster. If I had a cutie daughter like Violet, I know I'd much rather spend my time taking her to the farmers' market than dealing with this crap.