Gossip Girl: Diplomatic Breakdown

Gossip Girl:

"The Hurt Locket"

Ahh, Gossip Girl. You've been away for several months and yet I have not missed you. To review, last fall I spent the majority of my Gossip Girl related blog space bemoaning that the show was displaying very little of its past awesomeness in its third season. Then the show ripped off Saved By The Bell by having its characters stage a modern, rhyming version of Snow White, and I just stopped talking about it at all.

I once mused, "Could Josh Schwartz make a show that I don't love?" I now am beginning to fear that the answer to that question is "the third season of every Josh Schwartz show." The O.C.'s third season--with mopey Johnny and cousin Sadie and Volchok and Ryan's one-night stand with a waitress and Kirsten being swindled and Sandy running the Newport Group and Seth burning down the Newport Group with a joint and Dean Hess and Taylor Townsend and Marissa being killed--was no gem. Chuck's third season, at least, has not be bad, but it also hasn't really lived up to the promise of its brilliant last few episodes of Season 2 (and other brilliant episodes in the show's first two seasons).

And then there's Gossip Girl. I'm not sure what to say at this point. I'm getting dangerously close to cutting it loose. I'm not as loyal with television shows as I once was. I haven't watched Damages in weeks because of time slot issues, and I still enjoy that show. I can't say I'm enjoying GG anymore. Also, I was willing to stick it out through The O.C.'s rocky patches in Season 3 because I loved the characters--even when they were doing stupid things that they probably would never have done. I'll stick with Chuck because I genuinely care about those characters too. But I don't care much for any of the residents of the Upper East Side at this point.

Back in the heyday of Gossip Girl, I used to write down line after line after line for my highlights and quotes list. For this episode, I wrote down one quote, and that was Jenny's crack about Dan's Cabbage Patch Kid, which was really just a retread of a joke we've heard many times before.

In any event, here's the play-by-play:

• They are trying to butter me up with some Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros ("Janglin"). Nice try.
• This expository conversation between Serena and Damien is insufferable.
• Oh come on. Are we still worrying about secret societies?
• Wow, Jenny actually spent time with her mother?
• Jewelers operate under a code of client confidentiality?
• Not sure if I'm bummed or glad that we haven't seen Dan yet. Oh, there he is. I think I was glad to not see him.
• Nate just said "Whatever happens, happens." Did he just accidentally get beamed into an episode of Lost?
• Am I supposed to know who this lady is? Was she on the co-op committee?
• Oops, I just fast-forwarded through most of the Dan/Rufus conversation and it was tough to convince myself to rewind and watch the whole scene...
• No, Jenny, all the girls are not going to want to wear pharmaceuticals if they look like that.
• Oh for God's sake, Blair. It's just a secret society. Get over it.
• Of course Serena pairs the drug jacket with a dress with a plunging neckline.
• Jenny actually looks kind of nice. Perhaps it is because her hair is actually brushed and not sticking out of her head like a bird's nest.
• Gosh, I even think I like Jenny's bizarre sparkly/spiderweb dress.
• Holy crap! The slit up the skirt of Serena's dress! She went to party for diplomats dressed like a hooker.
• Jenny: "Why would you take relationship advice from a guy who has a Cabbage Patch doll?"
• Wow, Bart really is the gift that keeps on giving. He saddled his son with the guilt of thinking his mother died giving birth to him and that's not what happened?
• Now, GG is trying to butter me up with The xx ("Crystalised"). Play anything you want, GG; it's not going to win me over if Rufus and Lily are on the screen.
• Um, if Serena's having sex in a public coat room, I'm thinking she hasn't changed that much since boarding school.
• So Chuck doesn't know his own mother when he sees her? Bring a freaking picture, Bass. She can't look that much different than she did 18 years ago! (Unless there is some kind of plastic surgery involved.)
• Hey, Blair, if you want the lady to tell you what she knows, perhaps you should not turn and walk away when she opens her mouth to speak?
• OMG, I thought the show was over. There's still more. And it involves Rufus and Lily. Grrrrooooaaan.
• Um, why did Serena steal someone's coat and wear it out of the party? Why didn't she just put her dress back on?
• Well, I know I'm getting tired of looking at Bart's face in that locket.

(Photo: cwtv.com)