Gossip Girl: Swindler's List

Gossip Girl:
"Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes"

I didn't like this episode as much as the last one. This Nate/Blair stuff is arduous at best. Who are they kidding? They do not even seem to like each other.

Also, Rufus=always the stupidest guy in the room. Hey, maybe he could have left his gallery on the market for, oh, more than ONE DAY before throwing in the towel? If nobody wants it for the list price (which was three times what he paid for it), how about lowering the price a bit? Or, you know, he could just screw it and give all his money to some sleazy dude who's dating his son's ex-girlfriend. I guess that works too. Dumbass.

And then there's Vanessa, who just sucks the life out of everything all the time. Why is there no talk of her going far, far away to college?

Highlights and thoughts:

• Blair: "NYU? What was I thinking? You know how I feel about ironic facial hair!"
• Blair Waldorf on the subway! Lol.
• Wow, that gallery is worth a lot. Enough to pay for Dan's college and Jenny's college and to keep Rufus in flannel shirts until he figures out what to do next?
• Blair: "Rats go underground, not Waldorfs."
• Blair: "How's the foreigner?"
  Serena: "Blair, Gabriel's from North Carolina. That's in the United States."
  Blair: "Not by choice! Let me remind you about a little thing called the Civil War."
• Ah, Chuck Bass in basketball attire. It's been awhile.
• Chuck: "Say the word, and she can crash with me."
• Yeah, this "new business" of Gabriel's is all kinds of made up.
• Chuck: "Blair, I see you're wearing your beret. Who are you spying on tonight?"
• Ugh, Vanessa. I was hoping she wasn't going to come back.
• Blair: "He fell in love with you while you were roofied! How romantic!"
• Nate's looking all kinds of paranoid here, but he does have a point when he says, "With you two, it's always a big deal."
• Nate: "I don't want you to go near her again. I mean that."
  Chuck: (phone rings) "Oh look, it's Blair. I think I'll take this one outside."
• Blair: "I thought if I proved the North Caroliar was cheating with his ex that would be it, but she fell for his business meeting excuse. Monkey business, more likely!"
  Chuck: "With Serena and Poppy both fighting over the banana."
• Chuck: "No one's killing anyone. It's a co-op cocktail party!"
• Oh, this whole fight scene between Gabriel and Poppy is soooooo staged.
• Blair: "Well, I guess he really likes you. At least now we know!"
• Rufus allows random underage girls to drink in his apartment while he's not there? Parent of the year, that guy is.
• It was amusing when Dan gagged when Vanessa said, "I never slept with Chuck Bass twice," during the game of "I Never."
• Jenny has the longest, skinniest legs ever.
• Why would Chuck handle this by himself, Nate? Like Chuck really cares that Serena's getting played.
• Doesn't Chuck get a say in whether or not Bass Industries invests with this clown?
• So, I would like to see how Chuck and Blair's mid-sleep hand holding was initiated.
• Blair: "I can't believe had have to see my sworn enemy with Nancy Pelosi hair!"
• Chuck: "But then again we all know your weakness for limos."
• So Serena waited until after having sex with Gabriel to ask the probing question to see if he was really lying about meeting her at Butter. Couldn't have done that right after Blair brought it up?
• Georgina: "Ooh, yeah, I've been praying overtime for that one."
• Oh no, Blair left Chuck stranded at the Christian camp! What kind of a driver leaves the man who employs him stranded in the middle of nowhere?
• Gabriel: "And what the hell is Butter?" (Ha ha ha, Butter must have really bought off one of the Gossip Girl higher ups. They get mentioned more than Sour Patch Kids did during vintage episodes of Kyle XY.)
• Oh, stupid Rufus.
• Georgina: "Say hi for me! I have so much love in my heart for that girl!"
• So is it bad that I want Georgina to go to NYC and open a can of whup-ass on Blair Waldorf? Somebody needs to--the girl needs to wise up about this Nate situation ASAP.
  

(photo: cwtv.com)

Chuck: Two Weddings and a Kung Fu Fighter

Chuck:

"Chuck vs. The Ring"

Please may this not be the last Chuck ever. Please may this not be the last Chuck ever. Please may this not be the last Chuck ever.

This last string of Chuck episodes (ever since we finally got rid of that annoying British spy guy) has been extremely good, so I expected the season finale to be phenomenal, and I was not disappointed. There was so much to like about this episode!

First of all, Ellie and Awesome's beach wedding was gorgeous. I'm going to say that it was easily the prettiest television wedding since Julie Cooper married Caleb Nichol in The O.C. season 1 finale. And that makes me think that Josh Schwartz should be a wedding planner; he clearly knows how to stage one stunning ceremony. (Lily and Bart's wedding last year on Gossip Girl was pretty too.) I'm posting two pictures from the ceremony just because it was so darn lovely.

I'll save my thoughts on the (FANTASTIC) end of the episode for after the play-by-play:

• The song at the beginning of the episode was fun. The Chuck soundtrack has really been top-notch lately.
• General: "Your country is calling you, Mr. Bartowski."
  Chuck: "Then I think my country might have the wrong number."
• Casey: "If you were a true patriot, you wouldn't even cash it."
• That's so sweet that Casey gave Chuck his personal number in case of emergencies.
• BRYCE LARKIN! Woo hoo! Why is the new Intersect project in Zurich? Why does the Intersect have to go in anyone's head? Why can't it just stay on a computer?
• So Awesome has a Toyota, but Zac Levi does commercials for Honda Insights? I'm confused.
• The bridesmaids' dresses are nice. I'd like the dress better in another color, but the style is great.
• Hey, yeah, shouldn't Sarah and Chuck stage a really elaborate breakup scene to explain why she's not going to be around anymore?
• Dr. Woodcomb: "My wife warned me about you."

  Morgan: "Good warnings, I hope."
• I can't believe Bryce knew the truth about Chuck's dad this whole time either. Yeah, Chuck, just hand Bryce over to the bad guys. No need to feel guilty about that; I'm getting sick of him already.
• Jeffster! I saw this coming. ;-)
• Morgan: "Listen, if you hit me, it only teaches me to hit."
• Whoa, Sarah's not going to be able to walk down the aisle in that dress after ripping the whole bottom part of it off.
• Dr. Woodcomb called Lester "an Indian lesbian." Hahahaha.
• Chuck: "Hoe down! I mean, hold on!"
• Chuck: "Oh, God, not the flowers!"
• I liked Ellie sitting on the floor and trying to meditate while her wedding was being stalled.
• Yea, Major Casey!!! That was a great scene with the Marines taking out the bad guys juxtaposed with Jeffster's big finish.
• After all the ruckus in the reception room, Jeff's sparklers set off the fire alarm. Oy vey.
• Throw Ellie the beach wedding, Chuck. That's what she wanted anyway.
• Ellie's wedding dress doesn't look nearly as bad post-sprinkler as I expected it would.
• Marine: "Sir, how do you spell begonia?"

  Casey: "Sound it out. ...No, no, that clashes with the bunting!"
• Where did everyone get whole new outfits for this second wedding? They certainly didn't have time to do the necessary dress fittings in one afternoon. Even Jenny Humphrey doesn't sew that fast! In any event, I'm liking the new bridesmaids' dress color much better. This wedding is gorgeous.
• Why is Casey's Marine shooting Rourke? Uh oh, is he shooting everyone? Who does he work for? Fulcrum big wigs that are higher up than Rourke?
• And the courtyard reception is better too! They always did have such a pretty courtyard.
• Oops, the Intersect's in Chuck's dad's head now! Oh, ha, he's actually had it in there for awhile. That came in handy.
• Maybe, Chuck, being a spy is your real life. It's more of a "life" than you were leading pre-Intersect anyway.
• So Bryce is still in love with Sarah, huh? And he's just sharing this with random faux-CIA agents? That's not very stealth.
• Luckily, Bryce is pretty badass. (Remember how great he was in the pilot? Actually, now that I think about it, he got shot then too.)
• Ouch, that was one awkward fall Chuck just made into the vault!
• Bryce: "Fulcrum is just one part of the ring."
• Oh no, poor Bryce! Rest in peace, buddy.
• So, what's Chuck going to do now? Obviously, he's going to put that darn (and apparently dangerous) thing right into his head.
• Is there going to be a Bryce Larkin-shaped hole in the new Intersect in Chuck's head? Because his body was definitely blocking some of the images.
• Casey: "Oh, Chuck me!"

Well, Chuck me too! That ending was insane. Probably the awesomist 2 minutes of TV all season. I can barely get a hold of myself, that was so phenomenal. I'm freaking out: Chuck knows kung fu! He's got some serious moves! The scene with Chuck beating the crud out of all the bad guys single-handedly was simultaneously hilarious and so cool it hurt.

Chuck: "Guys, I know kung fu."

OMG, that was such a cool season finale! Best case scenario: we get to see the Sarah/Casey/Chuck team fight their way through the rest of "the ring" for many seasons to come. Worst case scenario: if this is all we get, at least I feel pretty confident that whatever the rest of "the ring" includes, New and Improved Chuck with Special Kung Fu Fighting Skills will be able to handle it, and I'll know in my soul that he's out there somewhere kicking ass.

(photos: Ellie & Awesome's wedding album at NBC.com)

Greek: The Big Brother Blues

Greek:

"Big Littles and Jumbo Shrimp"

My Greek play-by-play is a little late this week. Not my fault: there were literally 6 shows I wanted to watch all scheduled for Monday at 8 p.m. (Gossip Girl, Chuck, Greek, Bones, Big Bang Theory and Dancing with the Stars). How unfair is that? I'm only human.

This episode of Greek wasn't really the big pile of happiness that Greek episodes tend to be. The whole Rusty/Andy/Jordan situation just sucks, and mopey, love sick Rusty can get a little tiresome. Plus there was Evan Chambers and his vortex of depression. I was also seriously worried that Ash would have to give up her (well-deserved) cute new boyfriend. And the Dale anecdote about the grass pile was funny, but that doesn't make up for him not being in the episode at all. And the lack of Max kind of sucked too.

Highlights and observations:

• Pledges get to pick their own bigs? I didn't know it worked that way.
• Sad Beav is beyond adorable.
• Ashleigh hiding her boy behind the counter was funny.
• Casey: "Is it just me or have we been out of Fruity Spindles for like a month?"
  Ash: "I wouldn't know; I don't eat them."
  Casey: "Oh, I forgot. They give you the toots."
  Ash: "No! No, they don't!"
• BTW, what the hell are Fruity Spindles?
• Calvin: "I though we canceled the Tri-Pi grunge mixer."
• Evan might look slovenly, but he also looks extra buff. What's the deal with that?
• Casey: "Well, this is the last bottle and it sounds like Rusty having an asthma attack."
• Cal: "Where's Dale? Finally had enough of the babes, blood and boobs that make up Art History?"

  Rusty: "He thought he saw Jesus' face in a pile of lawn clippings so he ran home to call the news."
• How often does Frannie talk to Evan's mother? Ick, creepy!
• Evan: "By the way, he goes by just B. Sheep these days."
• Jordan: "For all I know, he's already told your entire house what a slutty lush I am. Not that I could deny it. I was a slushy."
• Mickey "Scooby" Scubella? That's quite a name.
• Beav: "ScooOOOOOObeeeeeeeeeee!"
• Evan and B. Sheep do have matching floppy hair.
• Oh, of course, Cappie and B. Sheep are BFFs.
• Evan and Cappie might as well make up. Neither of them is with Casey now anyway.
• B. Sheep: "For a second there, I thought you two were going to kiss."
• If B. Sheep is so drunk that he can't handle stairs, this might not be the time to have a serious conversation with him, Evan.
• $50,000!!! It's time to cut B. Sheep loose and get advice from somebody else.
• Evan (to Cappie): "Everyone else is getting some, why not you?"
• No one else chose Ben Bennett to be their big brother?! Come on, that's ridiculous! Ben Bennett is great.
• Oh, poor Rusty was the one who got his beer spilled on him. How typical.
• Ha ha, Casey accidentally chucked her shot on some poor guy walking behind her.
• Casey is Jordan's big sister? Geez. Isn't she still Rebecca's big sis? Should she have two little sisters? Plus she's the pledge coordinator. Wasn't that why Wade passed on having a little? I'm not particularly well-versed in the ways of the Greek system, but something seems fishy about this.
• Ashleigh: "You don't know what it's like to go through college without a boyfriend. You went from Cappie to Evan to Max. And then you went from Evan to Cappie to..."

  Casey: "If she says Max, I will cut you."
• Ash: "If Fisher is a criminal, would you guys hate me if I kept seeing him?"

  Casey: "Be smart, like Anne Hathaway."
• Oh, thank goodness Fisher's not the thief. That would have been just Ash's luck.
• I love that they did a call back to Dale and the grass pile.
• Cappie: "If there's anyone who understands how a girl can change they way you feel about a friend, it's your big brother. Mostly because of your big sister. Good God, this campus is incestuous."
• I can't believe Cappie's teaching lessons on responsibility either. Something about that feels off.
• Ha ha, Fisher was under the table during Casey and Ash's conversation and Casey knew it.

(photo: abcfamily.com)

Gossip Girl: Seder Shenanigans

Gossip Girl:

"Seder Anything"

I reamed Gossip Girl out a bit for the past couple of episodes, but I think this episode was back on the GG track of awesomeness. The Blair/Nate stuff still feels like such a season 1, pre-cotillion redux that I can barely stand to watch it, but the Seder hijinks were fantastic. Sure, Cyrus was holding his Seder meal was a week or so late, but no technicality like that should ever deny a Josh Schwartz enterprise the chance to do a Passover episode. (Too bad Nana "the Nana" Cohen didn't show up to this Seder.)

I loved Dan trying to hide the fact that he was a cater waiter from Rufus, and I loved, loved, loved all of Eleanor's digs at Dan. As a rule, Gossip Girl is much better when somebody is ruthlessly picking on Dan.

Another thing I loved about this episode was that Jenny showed that she still remembers what Chuck tried to do to her at the Kiss on the Lips Party in the GG pilot. That's definitely not something she'd soon forget, and I'm glad that it was finally acknowledged again. Also, the attempted date rape was probably the one thing Chuck's done that we Chuck apologists can't really explain away. That behavior wasn't just smarmy; it was horrible. It was gratifying to hear a very depressed Chuck offer Jenny a long-overdue apology.

Highlights and observations:

• Ugh, the moniker "Blate" (for Blair and Nate) is just as dumb as the coupling that inspired it.
• Blair has such elaborate movie-inspired dreams.
• Blair: "Just because I lost Yale, doesn't mean I'm wasting my time at a non-Ivy reading Beloved six times and experimenting with lesbianism." (For what it's worth, I only had to read Beloved once during my non-Ivy collegiate career...oh, and I also didn't experiment with lesbianism. Does nobody do either of those things at Yale?)
• Chuck's banging a synchronized swimmer. That's creative.
• Chuck: "Then I realized I was a 17-year-old billionaire with incredible stamina." (There you go, Chuck. That's the spirit!)
• Nate got into Columbia! That's kind of a shock. Who knew Columbia had such low standards?
• Wes? Who the hell is Wes?
• Serena gets married and needs a lawyer, so she calls the father of her ex-boyfriend? That's kind of awkward.
• Serena's trip to Spain apparently didn't cause her to re-think the messy hair look.
• Blair: "I thought firstborns were supposed to be spared."
• Eleanor: "I don't even know how to say half the words in this prayer book that was named for Lieberman's wife!"
• Oh, Dan, get over yourself. Everyone knows you're "poor"--serving the Seder isn't going clue anyone in to something the didn't already know.
• Oh, Serena, I'm sure Lily's done much worse than having a surprise Spanish wedding. Don't feel too bad.
• Dan: "How does one not know if one is married?"
• Dan: "You're a wife of the landed gentry, and I'm a cater waiter at a Seder."
• Ha ha, Rufus is coming to the Seder? Lol, ok, Dan serving it is now funny.
• Rufus: "Dan, you're dressed just like a cater waiter!"
• Eleanor: "Dan, ...could you please go make yourself a little more presentable?"
  Rufus: "Well, that was a little rude."
• Why is Jenny playing board games with Wes in Lily's apartment? Is Chuck supposed to be babysitting her? Lol.
• Eleanor: "There's an empty seat. It's for Elijah, but you can take it."
• Should they be giving Serena all that wine? I know she drinks all the time, but she is still 17/18 after all.
• Cyrus: "Oh, well, that's where we just moved Elijah."
• Oh, come on, Jenny. You may be a social pariah, but you can still do better than this Wes kid. He has Aaron Rose hair for crying out loud! She might as well just go hook up with Aaron, if she wants to slum it. At least that guy was an "artist." Think about it, Jenny: just a few months ago you had Nate Archibald. Now, sure, he is no amazing catch personality-wise, but he is freaking gorgeous. You should still have some standards.
• Little J sure has Chuck's number for not having talked to him or spent any amount of time with him in forever. (Since the Kiss on the Lips Party, perhaps?)
• Poor Blair. Every time she tries to do the right thing, she still gets screwed anyway.
• Dan: "I'm a cater waiter."

  Eleanor: "And not a very good one."
• Sorry, Gossip Girl, Blair Waldorf is always falling apart these days. It's not big news.
• Ugh, this Dove commercial with Vanessa in it just reminded me how thankful I am that she hasn't been in this episode. Man, she's annoying.
• Chuck: "Look, I told you, I'm not in the mood."

  Nate: "Good. Neither am I."
• Chuck: "It's stupid for you to want her to be anything other than she is."
• Rufus sold a painting to that guy sight unseen? I don't think I'd buy a painting I haven't seen. Especially not from Rufus.
• Vanessa's going to be so bummed that Rufus is selling the gallery. What is she going to do with herself?
• Well, that sure was helpful, Nate: offer Chuck a refill, take his glass, and then just leave.
• Aww, poor Chuck. He is just beyond pathetic.
• Cyrus: "Well, I carried J.R. on my back for five hours through the jungle..."
• What the hell is going on with Poppy and Gabriel? Are they trying to swindle Serena out of the van der Woodsen fortune or something? I thought they were both rich already. Did Nate's dad get away with their money?

Summary of next week's promo (for Ashley): Chuck and Blair are spying on Gabriel and discover that he's dating both Serena and Poppy. During the stakeout, they end up falling asleep while holding hands, and Nate finds out (I guess) and yells at Chuck. Then Chuck runs into Georgina in the park, and she cheerfully hugs him hello and asks, "Have you been saved?"

(photos: cwtv.com)

Greek: The Art of Love

Greek:
"Engendered Species"

Observations and highlights:

• Dale calls an art history class "hostile territory."
• The ZBZ house had a full kitchen staff? Ritzy.
• Fisher is a hottie. Go get him, Ash! (Before Casey beats you to it.)
• BTW, Fisher is played by Andrew J. West who was last seen playing jerky Max on Privileged. It seems that the switch to Greek has made him both nicer and hotter.
• Dale: "Aren't you a little concerned about the verbiage? 'Liberal arts.' It seems like it would attract a certain element. Like socialists, tree-huggers, and general deviants."
• OMG, how much do I love Rusty, Dale and Calvin all in a class together? Any time the three of them are in a room together, the result is beyond awesome.
• Nice pratfall, Rusty!
• No guy has ever done well in this gender politics class? That's kind of pathetic. Doesn't say much for the men of Cyprus Rhodes.
• Fisher: "First it's just flirting, then it always evolves into stalking..."
• Dale: "Come on Rusty, why don't you just drop out of society? Join that cult. Get yourself three teenaged wives."
• Cappie: "So, Max, how's your beaker?"
• Go Max! That was great that he called Cappie out for calling him a douche!
• Ash: "Fisher, your girlfriend called. She said she had another outbreak. And she said you should get more...ointment."
• Oh, geez! Poor Calvin. His living situation is bad. He should move in with Rusty and Dale too. That would be awesome! They could cut out all of the other characters on this show, and just make it a show about Dale, Calvin, and Rusty in an apartment, and I'd be over the moon.
• Evan has totally checked out.
• Max: "Did you just say, 'No duh'?"
• Ha, the Cappie/Max back-and-forth banter is pretty awesome.
• Dale: "Is her last name Talia? Jen-i-Talia? Ha ha. This class is getting to me."
• Max: "Good luck with your extensive jewelry collection." (I'd been noticing Cappie's jewelry a lot lately. I think it's getting a little out of hand.)
• Ash: "Saving hot boys from horny girls everywhere. ...I meant temperature hot!"
• The Casey/Max "I love you" exchange was cute.
• Beaver's wearing a sarong! And Betsy loves it! (That was Betsy, wasn't it? I was looking down.) Ha!
• That's kind of a prim outfit that Rebecca's wearing to the KT mixer.
• Oh, boo Jesse McCartney! Macking on Rusty's girl. Not cool. Rusty should expected something like this to happen. The course of true love never did run smooth--especially for Rusty.
• Why are Dale and Calvin still up? What time did Rusty get home from the party?
• I don't know what Evan's doing either. It looks like it's going to cause trouble though. It's a really bad sign that he's walking around in t-shirts now instead of his customary tie/sweater vest ensembles.

(photo: abcfamily.com)

Greek: Spy Games and Traveling Pants

Greek:
"From Rushing with Love"

You have no idea how much I need an episode of Greek after the day I've had. Bless this show for being so perfect and sweet and funny and non-taxing.

I do have one complaint, and I bet you can guess what it is if you've ever read my comments about Greek before. Say it with me: No Dale.

Highlights and observations:

• Casey and Ash teach the ZBZs the "devil horns" hand signal for girls interested in Frannie's sorority.
• Mykonos sounds like a great idea for Spring Break!
• Beav and Heath (that's what that guy's name is, right?) fighting over Social Chair was funny. Too bad Marissa Cooper's not here to do it.
• Beav with his cymbals. His facial expressions are priceless.
• Cappie: "Now, Mykonos, who knows where it's at?"
• Rebecca: "Frannie took care of her."
  Ash: "Did Frannie kill her? Because that would really help us."
• Casey: "And all that plan got Jerry Maguire was a goldfish and Renee Zellweger, and we don't want either of those."
• Calvin: "Do you have a crush on him?"
  Rusty: "I have a Rush crush."
• Rusty: "So he did say something about me after the lake."
• Wade: "Just testing out the new cleaver."
• I would not stand that close to Cappie while he's holding a chainsaw.
• Evan: "Hey, Rus, I just wanted to say, no hard feelings."

  Rusty: "No, they're still hard...my feelings."
• I don't think Evan even cares anymore. He's heading straight toward Kappa Tau territory.
• Casey: "I'm responsible for our first D+."

  Ash: "Well, if it makes you feel better, it's not my first one..."
• Casey: "That brush was from Titanic. She paid a fortune for it on eBay."
• Cappie: "We just wanted to keep out heart rate up for when your mom comes in town. Seriously, she's foxy."
• Wade drives a Miata? Maybe he has a trust fund and can pay for Mykonos.
• Oh, Betsy. Even you should know not to trust Frannie.
• Aww, Wade's cleaver gimmick didn't work.
• The Sisterhood of the Traveling ZBZ Pants. Ha!
• Awesome time slot rival joke about Gossip Girl:

  Casey: "I wanted to be Heidi Klum again. Now I have to be freaking Blake Lively."

  Ash: "At least you're blond. How's anyone supposed to know I'm America Ferrera?"
• Wow, Cappie is really married to this karmic synergy philosophy, isn't he?
• Cappie: "And that's something we'll never know, like what hot dogs are made of, how Smurfs reproduce..."
• Ash is wearing the Ugly Betty Guadalajara poncho! Ha! And I gotta say that Casey's Blake Lively imitation ain't bad. The long, curly hair and the low cut top are pretty on-target.
• Calvin is so evolved. He just wants Andy to be happy.
• Awesome inside joke about Michael Rady (Max):

  Pledge girl: "And the guy who plays Kostas, so hot!"

  Casey: "Eh."

  Ash: "I wouldn't kick him out of bed."
• Frannie: "Are you two defecting to my sorority or just crossing the border?"
• Rebecca: "Oh my God, I'm 19! I'm not Sydney freaking Bristow!" (And that's at least Greek's second Alias reference.)
• Rebecca is a pretty terrible mole though. You'd think she'd be better at this.
• Rebecca: "Oh, and I'm sorry about your roots."

  Casey: "That's ok, I know you didn't mean it."

  Rebecca: "No, I meant I'm sorry about them."
• Ash: "Oh great, little Debbie Gibson accepted our bid. That's nice."
• Rebecca stole Frannie's Titanic brush! Awesome. Ha! Casey brushing her hair with it to taunt Frannie was amusing.
• Rusty's still trying to make this "Andy-licious" thing happen? I think we've established that that one's not going to fly.

(photo: abcfamily.com)