Gossip Girl: "Gone with the Will"
Remember on Gilmore Girls (the other great "GG") when Sookie wanted to know if her baby was a boy or a girl, but Jackson wanted it to be a surprise? He made a button that said, "I do not want to know the sex of my baby," and wore it around. Well, I feel like making and wearing a button that says, "I do not want to know what happened between Blair and Chuck's uncle on New Years Eve." Because I don't want to know. At all.
Especially since Jack Bass has quite the Georgina Sparks-esque trouble streak to him. However, I felt like Chuck rather willingly fell for Jack's fairly elementary scheme. I mean, come on. I think I could have come up with get-him-drunk-with-naked-girls-
and-then-bring-in-the-board-members. Chuck Bass should know better.
And Chuck Bass should also know to put up more of a fight when Blair finally gives up on him. I know she's saying she doesn't want to deal with you anymore, but, come on, Bass. She clearly loves you to have put up with this much. Say your sorry a few more times, explain the situation, don't let her give up on you now, at least don't get back into the darn elevator, do something! I think you could win her back fairly easily if you would just display the slightest of efforts.
Don't even get me started on this Rufus and Lily nonsense. Every second they were on my screen, I just wanted them to shut the hell up and go away. I mean, sure, yeah, let's spend day after day in Boston searching for the son we gave up years ago, while our four other children are left alone to fend for themselves in New York City! Ugh. Awful. Someone needs to call Child Protective Services on them.
Highlights and my observations:
- Was Chuck wearing Union Jack cuff links?
- Dude, how unclassy is it to hit on your nephew's girlfriend? (No matter what happened on New Year's.)
- Nate! He lives! And he's being supportive! What? Huh? (And here I thought that boy could only get screen time when he's shagging a duchess...)
- Geez, Lily can't even bother to attend the reading of her husband's will. She's just a real treat, that one.
- Chuck: "Curfew?"
Jack: "None."
Chuck: "Girl's sleeping over."
Jack: "Yes, please."
Chuck: "I'll allow it." - Chuck: "If I don't read it, do I still get my inheritance? Then I'll pass."
- Chuck (speculating on what's in Bart's letter to him): "Why do you wear so much purple?"
- Well, I guess we now know that the smarminess doesn't fall far from the Bass tree:
Chuck: "I owe you a lot. You saved my life when I didn't want to be saved."
Jack: "You noticed that Thai waitress I was going to take home the other night had a penis, so consider us even." - Wow, can Chuck finish high school and run Bass Industries at the same time? He's going to be a very, very busy boy. How will he find time for all of his carousing and shenanigans?
- Yeah, Rufus, do try to think of someone other than yourself.
- Blair: "Not that anyone else would want Dan Humphrey."
- Ok, this gummy anniversary is by far and away the best aspect of this Vanessa/Nate coupling yet.
- Vanessa: "I can't believe your telling me this now in a candy store!"
- It's the little Serena and Blair girls! Yea, they're fun.
- Little Blair girl: "Dating Nate Archibald after striking out with Dan Humphrey? Talk about failing upwards!"
- Jack: "The last time I had a friend like that, I ended up with gonorrhea."
- Um, send a little more of an explicit text, why don't you, V? Go ahead and spell it all out for the mean girls...
- Wow, Blair, that is not a dress you wear to a "friendly" dinner. In fact, that was downright Serena goes to Yale attire!
- Yeah, I wouldn't want Rufus and Lily contacting my kid either.
- Why was Jenny invited to this brunch? Oh, Eric.
- Dan: "Here's my question, and it's been bothering me for awhile: can you reserve eclairs?"
- Dan: "What now, people? It's not like I brought a tuna sandwich."
- Why exactly did the Stairs Girls feel the need spill this gossip? Too juicy not to tell? Don't they feel a little bad about hurting Serena? I think they're just causing trouble for the sake of causing trouble at this point.
- So, Jenny didn't know about the mystery kid either? I'd forgotten about that. I just assume Jenny knows everything Dan knows.
- Wow, Jack throws one little brunch, and he gets everything that he wants. Easy-peezy.
- Oh, suck it, Rufus. Just freaking go home and shut the hell up.
- Eew eew eew. This Lily/Rufus stuff has got to stop. It's seriously grossing me out.
- Bart put a morality clause into Chuck running the company and no one told Chuck about it until after he broke it and they ousted him? That sounds illegal.
- Serena: "Now I share a sibling with my boyfriend? That's a little more hillbilly than I can handle."
- Dan: "This whole thing actually made me nostalgic for the days when Jenny was the problem."
- Nice bromance moment between Dan and Nate.
- Aww, the poor secret kid is dead. That's a shame. Wait, I'm not buying this one bit: is the kid really dead? Or will he pop up eventually wanting money or something?
- Dan searching for literary precedent and suggesting Flannery O'Connor. That's probably a good guess. I remember her talking about Bible salesmen and girls with one leg and a guy who dressed up like a gorilla...I'm blanking on quasi-sibling lovers though.
- Called it! The Rufus/Lily spawn isn't dead.
- Really? Are none of these teenagers angry at their parents after this behavior? Come on! Teenagers get raving mad at their parents everyday for so much less than this! Somebody needs to pull out a tantrum, darn it!
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