MIOBI: National Selection (Survival of the Fittest)

Make It Or Break It: "All That Glitters"

While I have continued to watch MIOBI on a weekly basis, I abandoned blogging about it because it was exhausting trying to point out every ridiculous thing that happens on this show. Especially when the ridiculousness is not limited to misrepresentations of gymnastics but also stretches to misrepresentations of the real world (like when Emily's mom went somewhere to pay her electricity bill or people ride a bus from Boulder to Boston and arrive in less than a day or when the girls scared off the creepy guys by doing flips or any number of other inane moments).

If you know anything at all about gymnastics (or the real world), it's best to just try to put it out of your mind as much as possible while watching MIOBI. If you can shut your brain off a bit, you can focus on things like how cute Carter is and how the second Pizza Boy is kind of creepy but also kind of funny and that the Kmetkos are still pretty likable despite being annoying and that Payson is pretty amusing in her own way. In honor of the finale of the first half-season, however, I'm going to keep my brain on and give blogging a go for this episode. Please bear in mind that I couldn't write down all of the inaccuracies and fallacies due the the sheer number of them.

Highlights and ridiculousness:

• I'm still not buying that Kaylie's dad took diamonds out of his World Series ring and put them in a necklace for Kaylie.
• Those are some rather un-fancy looking warmups the Rock girls are sporting.
• I don't think the press goes this crazy for gymnasts arriving at Nationals (maybe at the Olympics though). It's not the Oscars.
• Guy in the lobby with a camera: "Kaylie Cruz, let's see what's in your gym bag!" WHA? That's horrible! Keep the camera out of the poor girl's gym bag!
• Pizza Boy 2 calls Emily "Tumble-ina"
• Seriously, what happened to the other pizza shop guy? He's been gone for a very, very long time. It doesn't even make sense storyline-wise to bring him back at this point, since Emily's been through so much more with Pizza Boy 2 now.
• Nationals isn't on a podium?! Are you kidding me?
• Pizza Boy 2's going to take Emily's brother to Boston from Boulder on Radiohead's bus?! That's supposed to going to Atlanta?! Did anything in that sentence make any sense at all?
• Lauren: "And that would be our team captain."
• Carter came to Boston even though he got suspended? Hasn't he been enough of a distraction to Kaylie? Just cool it off for a while, dude. You're coming on a bit strong.
• If Kaylie doesn't want him anymore, I'm sure Carter could pick up a few other girlfriends here in Boston with all the gymnastics groupies running around.
• Wow, Payson looks gorgeous marching out into the arena in her competition makeup! I didn't even recognize her. I'm usually not a big fan of over-exuberant eye makeup on gymnasts (example: Nastia Liukin at 2009 Nationals a couple weeks ago), but it looks amazing on Payson.
• How does Lauren get all of her hair (it's seriously almost down to her waist) into that tiny little side bun thing?
• No, commentator, the judges aren't going to be looking for "more personality" from Lauren; they're going to be looking for some actual gymnastics skills. (On the bright side, it seems that having annoying commentators was the one part of the Nationals experience that MIOBI got correct!)
• Wow, Payson and Kelly are still trash-talking mid-meet! That's intense.
• Payson's uneven bars routine would be so much more impressive if she actually did a release move.
• Why are the Rock's gymnasts all competing on different events? How is Sasha supposed to coach gymnasts on four different events at once? This is asinine.
• Wow, Payson really solidified her lead with that Gainer full twist dismount. Yes, that was a beam dismount with just one twist. And, look, Kelly Parker did a beam dismount with just one twist too! How impressive. Yep, these two have "National champion" written all over them.
• There should be a lot more hugging at this competition. Do the people who make this show ever watch any gymnastics competitions at all?
• How does Kelly Parker know all of the Rock girls' dirty secrets? Does she have spies?
• The gymnasts have to go to a cocktail party after the competition? Whose horrendous idea is that?
• Payson: "We are tanking in there because we're all acting like a bunch of petty little bitches!"
• If Emily just keeps visualizing herself falling right before she starts each event, she's actually doing surprisingly well.
• Pizza boy: "You strike the bars like a cobra."
• You strike the bars like a cobra?! WHAT?! That's quite possibly literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my whole entire life. Including the time the girl in front of me in line in the dining hall at college confused okra with orca and told her friend that the dining hall was serving us whale.
• I guess Pizza Boy should be a sports psychologist. He spouts out some completely random, irrelevant, illogical nonsense and suddenly Emily's right as rain.
• Emily: "I can't believe you came this far."
  Me: "I can't believe Radiohead let you drive their bus to Boston when they were trying to go to Atlanta!"
  
• It is still creepy to no end that Naomi from Lost is the sports agent. I wonder if she's still working for Charles Widmore in some capacity.
  
• Ha ha! Who wants to bet that this "what's in your gym bag" segment isn't going to be around much longer? You just can't show a box of condoms on the jumbo-tron at a gymnastics meet. There are far too many little children around.
  
• It's weird/cool that the Rock girls all get to wear different leos in the same color scheme.
  
• Wow, Kaylie should just set up a give-back-the-necklaces booth right there at the edge of the stands. This is ridiculous.
  
• Kayle scores a 16.2 on vault for a Yurchenko half?! ARGH!!! That score is literally not even possible for that vault. There are girls who do vaults with 1.5 or even 2 more twists than that who don't get scores that high in the real world! It annoys me that MIOBI tries to appear legitimate by using the new, non-10.0-based scoring system but then award obscenely high scores for the skills they show the girls doing. If you didn't know anything about gymnastics and you watched an actual competition after watching this show, you wouldn't be able to understand why the gymnasts were doing skills that looked so much harder and still receiving scores that are so much lower.
  
• Candace (Summer) can just walk down out of the stands and onto the competition floor?! Where is the security in this place?
  
• How is Payson going to pass Kelly Parker when she's just going a Yurchenko back tuck on vault? Oy vey.
  
• Yeesh! Actually Payson's horrendous fall is probably what "hitting the bar like a cobra" would actually look like. I mean, a cobra has no hands! It wouldn't go well!
  
• Ouch! That was a nasty fall from Payson on UB! It reminds me of the time Kerri Strug took that really nasty fall off bars and injured her back (and they showed that clip in all her documentaries).
  
• I can't believe Sasha let Emily do her old floor routine. That was a bad call. How she didn't get laughed out of the arena is beyond me.
  
• Payson does have three years before the Olympics, people. I'm sure she can find a doctor doing some kind of crazy experimental back surgery by then.
  
• Lauren: "Come on, Kay! You've got her whipped!" (Lol, that is so not something an actual gymnast would say.)
  
• At least Kelly Parker can do a double pike on floor. Actually it looks like she did two of them, unless that was supposed to be a full-in and I missed the twist. That's probably wishful thinking though.
  
• Yea Kaylie!
  
• Oh yeah, I forgot that Kaylie's brother liked Emily too. For someone who is supposed to have no boyfriends, she's got like three.
  
• Wow, Emily makes one National team and suddenly the rules don't apply to her!?
  
• I usually detest the music on this show, but I have to admit that this Mika "We Are Golden" song is darn catchy.
  

Argh, this show in infuriating. And yet I still watch it... Luckily, MIOBI is going on hiatus for awhile so Greek and come back and I can stop hanging my head in shame for awhile.

(photo: abcfamily.com)

SYTYCD: 12 Moments Where Season 5 Went Wrong

So You Think You Can Dance:

During Top 8 week when Janette was voted out (instead of Melissa), I thought to myself, "This will go down as the night Season 5 of SYTYCD went way off track." But as I thought about it, I realized that the fifth season of SYTYCD had already gone off track a long time ago. Furthermore, I couldn't pinpoint just one moment were it all went awry. Instead, there were multiple moments that combined to turn Season 5 into, at best, a lackluster snoozefest and, at worst, a prostitution of the awesome show we loved.

I didn't compile this list of season five lowlights just to be mean spirited or vindictive; I love this show too much to be mean to it for no reason. My hope is that by documenting the problems of Season 5, I can help the powers that be at SYTYCD to learn from the mistakes and avoid making the same ones during Season 6 in the fall. In the low-competition environment of summer television, SYTYCD can get away with these mishaps, but I don't think they're going to fly in this fall.

The 12 Moments Where Season 5 Went Wrong:

1. During Vegas callbacks, it became increasingly clear that the contestants weren't operating under the same set of rules. After flubbing choreographed dances, Gabi and Caitlin got to dance for their lives, while Tony got to practice some more and retry the choreographed routine later in the day. Meanwhile, after allegedly flubbing Sonya's jazz choreo, Natalie was unceremoniously kicked out. Fans were left not only outraged but also confused: why wasn't there an established procedure to determine what the next step was once the judges deemed that a dancer had inadequately performed a choreographed dance? How are viewers supposed to take a competition show seriously if the rules are obviously being adjusted on a case-by-case basis to accommodate the agenda of the producers?


2. Natalie Reid was unceremoniously cut. It was bad enough for fans of quirky Natalie to watch her get pitted against her roommate, Katee, for the final birth in last season's Top 20 and then get cut. This season, though, we should have gotten to see Natalie's redemption, but for some reason we didn't. And that reason was not that she messed up Sonya's jazz routine, because she didn't--at least not enough to warrant her abrupt dismissal. Why did the judges kick her to the curb just moments after Sonya had her show the other dancers how the routine should be performed? I still don't have an answer for that one, and the whole thing still really sucks. Additionally, Natalie wasn't the only familiar face who got the shaft, as tapper Bianca was also mysteriously denied a stop in the Top 20.


3. The judges assembled a Top 20 full of people we didn't know. After watching six hours of audition footage and three hours of footage from Vegas callbacks, how viewers could have not been at least summarily introduced to more than half of the Top 20 is somewhat astounding. After all, we had enough time to watch "Sex" in a dance battle with that other dude. We spent a lot of time hanging out with two of the Kasprzak brothers. We devoted plenty of time to Gabi Rojas and Alex Wong and several others who didn't make the cut for various reasons. But eventual front-runners such as Ade, Jason and (eventual winner) Jeanine, as well as some Top 20-ers who got the boot before we ever really got to know them (Amanda, Jonathan, and to a lesser extent Karla and Vitolio), had flown completely under the radar. It took weeks for viewers to establish connections with the unknown dancers (Ade was darn near in the Top 8 before we really got a chance to see him as more than just the dude with the hair pick who carries Melissa around) and I'd say that we never really got to know them as well as those whom the producers pimped from the beginning (Brandon, Evan, Kayla, etc.).


4. Somebody decided it was a good idea to manufacture some drama between Mia and Brandon. Because seriously it didn't make any sense at all that Mia, who admitted that she likes powerful male dancers best, wouldn't see the talent in Brandon, one of the most powerful male dancers the show has ever had. Clearly, someone thought the Vegas callbacks needed some more spice, but this was not the way to add it. They ploy managed to seem completely fake, while making Mia come off like a flaming jerk, traumatizing one of the show's best dancers and damaging the integrity of the show.


5. The judges acknowledged that Tony wasn't up to the level of the other dancers and put him in the Top 20 anyway. Sure, SYTYCD has always been at least partially a popularity contest. But at least the judges usually assemble a Top 20 full of great dancers before the popularity contest really kicks in. The advancement of Tony showed that the producers were placing more importance on personality than on dance ability, which was a difficult thing to handle for those of us who love the show because it showcases great dancers (who often turn out to be cool, interesting people).


6. Brothers Evan and Ryan are pitted against each other for the final Top 20 berth (and Evan wins out). Everybody and his brother (get it?) saw it coming that the producers would arrange it so the Kasprzak brothers would have to "fight it out" for the last spot, but since both brothers were clearly more deserving than others already through to the Top 20 (especially Tony), this ploy was unnecessary, cheap and just plan mean to Evan and Ryan. Factor in the fact that Ryan seemed to be doing a better job in auditions and callbacks than his little brother, and the judges decision to put Evan through seemed to confirm once and for all that SYTYCD likes good dancers, but preferably those who are young, good-looking, not tap dancers and have a full head of hair.


7. The judges eliminate Max in Top 18 week. Granted, they were put between a rock and a hard place when three legitimate male dancers--Max, Jason and Kupono--landed in the bottom three together so early in the competition, but it wasn't fair for them to send Max home during a week where he performed his partner routine well and Kupono and Jason's respective routines were both not good. It sets a bad precedent to kick out dancers who shouldn't have even been in the bottom three in the first place (Chbeeb and Jeanine's tango was just begging for that bottom slot). And, as we learned in Season 4, when they kick out the good ballroom boys early and don't have a Benji or a Pasha to serve as an anchor, the chances go way down of having any really well-performed ballroom routines during the rest of the season.


8. The producers played favorites. Whether it was when Phillip got to do hip hop two of the first four weeks or when Melissa never had to do a hip hop partner routine or when Kayla and Kupono got to do contemporary routines two weeks in a row, sooner or later it became pretty obvious that the producers were stacking the deck to favor certain contestants while throwing some others under the bus. Certainly this kind of thing happened in other seasons too, but this time around it seemed especially blatant.


9. There were too many dances. On the surface, it would seem like the more dances we get to see the better, but I think they ended up presenting too many dances, and the quality of the individual performances suffered as a result. (Doubling up on partner dances, introducing gender-based group numbers during performance shows, etc.) My thinking is that if dancers have to dance two or more numbers a week plus solos, they won't have as much time to focus on each piece and really work it to perfection. The same holds true for the choreographers--if they have to choreograph two routines for a show, they obviously have to split their attention. And, as an audience, once we see more than 10 or so routines, it becomes fairly difficult to keep them all straight in our collective head. Maybe the routines don't seem as special as they used to because we're all operating on overload.


10. The partner routines were not as iconic as they've been in the past. There is not really one particular moment that exemplifies this phenomenon, but as the season drew to a close, it just seemed like we hadn't seen as many awesome routines as we have grown accustomed to seeing on this show. It became all the more obvious when the judges had to pick their favorite routines from the season to be performed in the finale and we had to watch a nondescript NappyTabs hip hop by Phillip and Jeanine, a forgettable Latin number by Kayla and Max, a not especially thrilling waltz from Asuka and Vitolio, and probably some more boring routines that I've already forgotten. I mean, seriously? That was the best we could do?


11. Tyce's cancer dance bolsters Melissa, leaving Janette out of the competition too early. It seemed like a foregone conclusion during Top 8 week that Melissa had gone as far as she could go in the face of the stiff competition of Kayla, Jeanine and Janette. But Tyce's ideal-for-sympathy-votes cancer dance and the judges' subsequent theatrics insured that Melissa and Ade would get tons of support, artificially keeping them (especially Melissa) in the competition for another week at the expense of Janette, who had provided some of the season's best performances and was one of the show's most versatile dancers.


12. They reminded us of what we were missing by bringing back Season 4 contestants to perform last season's Emmy-nominated routines. It became painfully obvious how lacking Season 5 was in terms of memorable routines and lovable dancers when some standouts from Season 4 re-took the stage during a results show. The fact that I never really connected with any of the dancers from Season 5 made me forget what it was like to be excited about a performance before it even started, but I was reminded of that when the far more charismatic Season 4 contestants Joshua, Katee, Twitch, Mark, Chelsie Hightower, Will and Jessica took that stage. Given a choice, I'd pick any one of Joshua, Katee, Twitch, Mark, Chelsie, Courtney G., and Will over all of the Season 5 contestants, none of whom ever seemed to me to have the spark that each of these Season 4 kids displayed. (And, frankly, I don't think I was that blown away by the Season 4-ers at the time, but boy do I miss them now.)

There you have it, folks. Let's see if we can't learn from the faults of Season 5 and recapture the glory days of SYTYCD with Season 6. I really hope so!

(photo: fox.com/dance)

SYTYCD: Finale Disappointments

So You Think You Can Dance: "Finale Performance Show"

In my four seasons of watching SYTYCD, I don't think I've ever been so unexcited about a season finale performance show. Oh well, let's see how it goes:

• They are taping the finale in the Kodak Theater, and the stage/set is gorgeous. It's going to be kind of strange to not have a bunch of teenage girls standing right smack-up against the stage though. It seems like the dancers are so far away from the people.
• Was that Pono I just saw in the audience?
• BTW, Deeley is sporting a rather sack-like shimmery, shiny gold mini dress with sleeves. I'm not loving the frock. Her loose, wavy hair, however, is awesome.
• It's Shankers (Adam Shankman)!!! I thought he might show up for the finale. It seems like the less frequently he comes around to judge, the more I like him. Last year, he annoyed me, but this year I love him. I don't really get it.
• Finally, we've found a space big enough to handle Mary's boisterous shrieking.

Wade Robson group number:

• The featurette: Two jocks hit on two cheerleaders. Um, in the practice Wade was way out-dancing all four of these people...
• The dance: Hey, what a shock, Evan can't catch a football. Ok, the camera edits bother me even more in this space than in they do in the normal venue. Maybe Jeanine's facial expressions translate better to the 3,000-person live audience, but they were not made for television close-ups. Ugh, why do I feel like I'm watching a knockoff version of Bring It On?

We take a break from the season five action to watch an epic promo for the new fall season featuring flashbacks from previous seasons and some new audition footage. Hey, I think I saw that tapper girl (Bianca) who they keep not putting through to the top 20. (She must be a glutton for punishment--or they were saving her for season six or something.) Tyce: "Season six is here, hel-LOOOO!!!" Um, here's a suggestion for Tyce: when you are judging a popular reality competition show, you probably should try to avoid sounding like Kate Gosselin yelling at Jon in Toys 'R Us. Just a thought.

Jeanine and Evan (Sonya Tayeh jazz):

• The featurette: Jeanine gets to kick and punch Evan a lot.
• The dance: The routine was not poorly danced, but I just wish I could see season four's Mark and Courtney Galiano give this routine a go. Evan is doing a pretty good job of falling though. This stage is ginormous, and because of that I think it might be difficult to do a really good job of selling the routines tonight.
• The judging: Shankers says he never saw Jeanine coming (perhaps because she was so minimally featured in the pre-Top 20 episodes?) and that he didn't think Evan would make the Top 4 either. He says that Sonya did a good job of choreographing to the strengths of the dancers (Evan's exceptional ability to fall, I guess). Nigel roots Evan on like he actually wants him to win. Ha.

Brandon's solo:

• The featurette: Brandon slips into a Southern accent sometimes. Brandon says that his favorite routine was his tango with Janette. He says that he doesn't see his dancing brilliance in himself sometimes.
• The solo: I think he's wearing the same board shorts that Matthew McConaughey wore to film that surfer movie. (Example A. Btw, why is McConaughey is in a freaking tree? Ha!) Anyway, Brandon's solo was one long, uninterrupted steam of powerful movements. It was impressive, but he certainly wasn't relaxing and just letting his brilliance flow.
• The judging: So they're judging the solos now? We must have a lot of time to kill tonight. Shankers says that he doesn't get the board shorts and that the solo was great but a bit on the frantic side.

Kayla and Brandon (Tyce Dioria Broadway)

• The featurette: Uh oh, Brandon and Kayle are about to get Tyced. Kayla promises us that this will be Tyce's last routine of the season. Tyce asked Brandon to do a "rose plop," I think.
• The dance: Why does Brandon have to dance twice in a row? That seems unfair. At least the costumes are cooler than the usual Broadway costumes on this show. Kayla's opening split on top of Brandon on the table was gorgeous. I didn't hate this number, but I'm not sure it really engaged me either. They danced it well, even if their side-by-side "pirouettes" (that's what I'm calling them anyway, Nigel called them a hopping something) got a bit out of sync (it might have been on purpose?). Brandon's sequined shirt/jacket reminds me of Chuck Bass.
• The judging: Adam, Mary and Nigel all love it. Nigel says Tyce has been amazing this season and that he's named for a cookie. Then Nigel tells an anecdote about the time he had a heart attack (because Brandon's character seemed to have a heart attack at the end of the number). So, heart attacks can be played for levity in Tyce's world, but cancer is serious. Ok then.

Jeanine's solo:

• The featurette: Sounds like Jeanine's mom decided that Jeanine would be a dancer. Oh no, we're talking about the Russian folk dance again. Let's let it go, people. Jeanine's favorite dance was the Travis Wall contemporary routine with Jason. She claims the kiss at the end of the routine was not choreographed.
• The solo: Using tango music and wearing the most bikini-like dress I've ever seen. I think I missed a lot her dancing because I spent most of the time she was out there trying to figure out what was going on with the "dress." Travis sighting! When she's done, everyone stands and applauds like they've just seen, um, I don't even know what could have warranted this sort of reaction. (Ok, yes, the pirouette was good, but it wasn't Danny Tidwell terrority or anything. Calm down a bit, people.)
• The judging: Shankers is beside himself over her pirouette. Mary says that solo was the best thing that Jeanine's ever done on this show. Uh, guess I should have paid more attention then. Nigel says Jeanine's "in the final two" as far as he's concerned. Um, yeah, he says that after only two people have done solos. What's he going to say after Kayla performs?

Brandon and Evan (Laurieann Gibson pop jazz dance battle):

• The featurette: Why do the top two boys always have to dance battle? Neil and Danny were battling princes. Josh and Twitch were battling Russian folk dancers. (But, really, wasn't Benji and Travis' non-battle nerd hip hop the best of the bunch?)
• The dance: This is kind of a weak dance battle--they weren't even looking at each other for the first chunk of the routine. They did eventually get around to some fake fighting that I didn't really buy. Seriously, dude, what kind of guys dance fight to Janet Jackson music anyway? This is so weird. Evan's actually dancing this pretty well, but there's something weird about Evan trying to have a "nasty groove."
• The judging: Adam thinks Evan "got a little dusted." Um, does Adam realize that pointing that out is just going to get all of the hardcore Evan fans to vote for him all the more? Mary wants to know what the nastiest thing Evan's ever done is. Evan says that he can't decide because "the list is so long." Nigel says Evan has a "choochy face." Frankly, if I were Evan, I'd be sooooooooooo tired of people saying how nice and sweet I am that I'd go punch somebody's grandma or something. Enough is enough.

Kayla and Jeanine (Mia Michaels contemporary):

• The dance: Um. Something bizarre happened with my FOX channel--the commercials break stretched waaaay too long and they finally cut back into the show for literally only the final 6 seconds of this dance. Uhhh, what the hell? Thanks, FOX Philly, that was so helpful. After this debacle, I don't know if Jeanine or Kayla should count on too many votes from the greater Philadelphia area...
• The judging: Adam says it was a concept piece by Mia. Mary says this piece is going to be remembered forever--not likely! I can't remember something I never saw! Mary says these two girls are the strongest girls ever in a finale. Not buying that one, and I take offense on behalf of Katee and Courtney G., Sabra and Lacey, and Heidi and Donyelle. Nigel says something pervy about how he wishes more of the girl's outfits had come off. Great, I'm so glad I got to hear that instead of getting to actually watch the dance. Thanks.

Evan's solo:

• The featurette: Evan's favorite routine was the Mia Michaels butt routine with Randi. Evan says he's "dropping the hammer" tonight. Lol.
• The solo: He's got the fedora and a tie but no suspenders. I think I enjoyed that solo more than Evan's other solos, but maybe he's just finally worn me down and is building me back up to like things I didn't use to like?
• The judging: Adam points out that this solo was a variation of his audition routine and calls doing that a calculated risk (meanwhile, Brandon did his audition solo last week and no one seemed to have a problem with that). Nigel agrees that Evan is special and entertaining, but doesn't think that Evan has grown as much over the course of the season as he would have liked. Ultimately, I agree with that assessment. (Not that I feel like any of the Top 4 have "grown" a whole heck of a lot over the course of the season, actually. I'd say they're all about as good as they were all along.)

Kayla and Evan (Tony and Melanie jive):

• The featurette: Didn't Evan already jive this year? Let's see if we can finally get a good jive this season to make up for the two bad ones.
• The dance: Why is Kayla jiving in cowboy boots and a frilly tutu? I think something about Kayla's arm movements while jiving looks very bizarre--she looks like she's flailing around a broken arm or something. I'd say that they started out pretty strong but the middle and end weren't great. The choreo kind of petered out after the cartwheel/lift sequence. There didn't seem to be much going on after that.
• The judging: Adam doesn't think that was a "finale-level routine" in his opinion. I also found it to be a little lacking, but Mary liked the choreo. Mary doesn't think that Evan has the jive kicks right yet. She also criticizes arm movements, but fails to put out that it was KAYLA's arm positions that looked so bizarre and then says that Kayla stole the show. Unbelievable. This is why Evan's going to win, people--the judges need to stop picking on him! Even I feel sorry for him now, and I thought he should have been out of the competition weeks ago! Now Nigel says that Kayla hasn't been showing personality this season up until now? Wha!? He's never complained about her not showing personality before that I recall (he did say her hair was in her face once).

Kayla's solo:

• The featurette: We get to spend a little more time with Kayla's grandparents. One last time for their cuteness to get her some votes. Kayla's favorite routine was the addiction piece with Kupono. Kayla says she's not just a dancer and always "reaches out and pulls people into the performance" or something like that. Well, that was modest.
• The dance: To "Sweet Dreams" and the strong music helps her through her iffy solo composition tendencies. It was good, but there was one leap in there that didn't look up to her typical standards.
• The judging: Adam compares her to some of the best dancers ever on the show (namely Travis, Will, and Danny). The judges all say nice things about her, but no one flat out says she should win (like they did about Brandon and Jeanine). I guess they realized that they've been backing a losing pony this whole time?

Jeanine and Brandon (Louis van Amstel paso doble):

• The featurette: To big it home one more time that the powers that be at SYTYCD want Jeanine or Brandon to win, they give them the coveted final performance slot. (It probably would have been more fair to end with the four-dancer group number, but I guess they figured that immediately after watching that cheerleader routine, people might have refused to vote for anybody.) We're ending the finale performance show with a paso? That's a bold choice. It's a good think Debbie Allen isn't here.
• The dance: Oh, it's just an excuse to get Jeanine in another bikini top. I think that this very dramatic music and strobe lighting would trick you into thinking this is a great routine even if it's not. Luckily, it does seem to be going much better than the other paso dobles of the season. Ok, the performance was good; the judges are going to be beside themselves though and I don't think it warrants that.
• The judging: Shankers thinks that what makes a champion on this show is the transitions and the small things in a dance (which, by the way, was what was missing in Kayla and Evan's jive). Mary lets out a scream because she's somehow forgotten to do that all night. And then she lets out about six more screams. Nigel also tries to scream. Nigel again goes waaaaaaaaaaay too far in regards to Jeanine and what he'd "like to do to her." You can literally hear the audible discomfort of the audience members.

Cat wants the judges to pick the winner and Adam just compliments everyone, to which Cat replies, "Mary, can you be more of a man than Adam?" HA! Go Deeley! Nigel takes a quick second to plug the fact that Evan's brother will be in season 6. (So, um, can we assume that Ryan's going to make the Top 20, because if he doesn't this is really ridiculous.) Nigel calls it for Brandon or Jeanine and Evan and Kayla look pissed off.

My favorite routines: ??? Um, I guess I'll go with the Broadway (did I just say that?) and the paso.

Honestly, right now I can't really pick who I want to win because I just feel annoyed with this episode and this season. During this performance show I went from being neutral/apathetic to kind of detesting the dancers, the judges and even the show in general. And I am not used to detesting this show; I don't like feeling this way about it. When pressed, I guess I'll go with Brandon for the win, just to compensate for all of the other fantastically-skilled boy contemporary dancers who got shafted in seasons past (Travis, Danny, Will). However, if for some reason SYTYCD forgets to announce the winner tomorrow night and we all just forget this season ever happened, that's totally fine with me too.