Gossip Girl: Ripping Off Saved By The Bell

Gossip Girl: "The Last Days of Disco Stick"

So, as I was watching Dan's hip hop treatment of Snow White, I was struck initially by how insanely horrible it was. Then I was struck by how oddly familiar it seemed. I realized that Gossip Girl's horrendous re-envisioning of the classic fairy tale with hip hop beats and garish, brightly-colored costumes was extremely similar to a re-envisioning of Snow White done with hip hop beats and garish, brightly-colored costumes on Saved By The Bell. In 1992. What's more is that SBTB's Snow White was better written and better acted. (I'll admit that Elizabeth Berkley is no Kanye, but the "kiss me, mama" joke is at least funny. There was nothing funny about GG's version.)



Ok, so we've known for awhile now that Gossip Girl is not what it once was, but I didn't think it had come to plagiarizing Saved By The Bell. And, if the people in charge of GG had to plagiarize SBTB, why of all things would they decide to steal the Snow White hip hop remix?! They should have taken the plot line about when Jessi's dad brought them all to his hotel for his wedding and Jessi tried to sabotage it because she thought her future stepmom was too young. Or the time they all got locked in the mall with the thieves! Or, during Saved By The Bell: The College Years, when Zach faked an illness as part of a scheme to break up Kelly and her professor boyfriend and the clinic ran a whole lot of medical tests on him, which led to this exchange that still makes me laugh:

Kelly: "You've been through a lot today."
Zach: "And a lot's been through me!"

Ahh, Zach and Kelly...

Anyway, If Dan makes it in to Tisch's playwriting program thanks to his rip off of a Saved By The Bell episode from the early '90s, Tisch should seriously consider suing Gossip Girl for libel or slander or defamation of character or something.

Here's a list of my other thoughts (which, let's face it, is really just a list of other things that annoyed me):

• Oh, God, don't make me watch Dan Humphrey's swagger walk. Gag.
• Blair looks dangerously close to wearing leggings as pants! What is going on?! Leggings are not pants!!!
• Poor Leighton has to stand around and wait for 15 minutes while Ed gets his lines out.
• Dan is a COMPLETE idiot if he doesn't see how this threesome thing is going to blow up in his face.
• "Bitches of Eastwick"? That seems like kind of a low-blow in the week after Eastwick's cancellation.
• It seems like half everyone's life is taken up by trying to find Jenny a date to one function or another.
• Hey, Serena, when one is trying to not flirt with one's boss, it's best to not wear backless mini dresses to work.
• Serena hasn't felt like this about anyone since Jude Law in Alfie? She feels like this about Tripp? Not Dan? Not greasy-haired Aaron? Not Carter? Not that con artist guy whose name I forget? Not Nate? Tripp? Why?
• Drug deals happen via mini sailboats in Central Park? Really? That seems like so much extra work.
• Didn't Jenny learn her lesson last year when Rufus had her ass hauled off to jail? Guess not.
• It's true: Nate has been in love trials and did have an affair with a married person.
• What the hell does Nate's mom want with Tripp? Mrs. Archibald's been MIA for a very long time.
• Why would Olivia be Snow White instead of Blair? The whole point of Snow White is that she has pale skin and dark hair.
• So are we seriously trying this Nate/Serena thing again? The GG writers always try to start it up, but then it immediately stops.
• Why are the dwarfs all taller than Snow White?
• Please stop making us relive the threesome.
• How does Nate's mom know that Tripp's wife staged the fake drowning? And why would she feel the need to tell Tripp?
• Well, dummy, this is why you shouldn't invite your boyfriend's best friend join you in a threesome.
• Did Hilary Duff use to be a singer? Or at least a "singer"?
• Thank you, Chuck, for finally putting an end to this madness. Chuck must be so exhausted; all he does is go around fixing everyone else's childish messes. Now if only he could rush down to NYU and fix this mess of a Snow White production...
• This Snow White thing is horrendous. "Painful" is the word that comes to mind. There is no way people are laughing at this. Unless they're laughing at this...as in they're laughing at horrendous it is.
• Stop making us relive the threesome!
• No way this helped Dan's chances of making it into the playwrighting program.
• Wow, Nate looks moody at Tripp barging in on his one-on-one time with Serena.
• SERENA!!! He's still married!!!!! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
• Ha ha, "Poker Face" is about Cyrus. (Wait, why was Cyrus playing poker with a student-age Lady Gaga? Oh nevermind.)
• Too bad Cyrus didn't make an appearance in this episode. He would have helped.
• How does "take a walk" equate to "go make out in my office"? Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid Serena.

Used to be, if I started watching a show, I'd watch it until the bitter end no matter what. These days, for whatever reason, I have a much quicker hook. I've already cut out Grey's Anatomy, Fringe, Heroes, FlashForward, etc. Gossip Girl is now officially on notice.

Premiere Watch '09: Eastwick

Eastwick:

"Pilot"

It pains me to say that a show with both Paul Gross and Matt Dallas is not that great. Both of those gentlemen would land on my list of my favorite people on TV ever (if I took the time to compile such a list). My love of Matt Dallas has been documented over and over in my reviews of Kyle XY. My love of Paul Gross stems back to pre-blog times when he was on Due South, a show that is still in at least my top 10 shows ever and probably my top 5 or 6.

But Eastwick--at least this pilot episode--was no great gem. My sister hit the nail on the head about this one, saying, "The show is a hot mess but I'd watch Paul Gross in just about anything. :)"

All in all, though, I'm going to continue watching. I think there is some potential here, and the show might hit its stride in subsequent episodes. And even if it doesn't, there are worse things I could be doing for an hour on Wednesday nights than reminding myself of how much I like Paul Gross and how gorgeous Matt Dallas is.

My play-by-play:

• Ugh, it's starting with a voice over. A rather Desperate Housewives-esque voice over. (Ok, it did turn out to be a lady reading a book, which I guess makes it a little better.)
• It's Abby from Days of Our Lives!
• It's Kyle!!!!!!!
• It's Mindy O'Dell from Veronica Mars!!
• Sarah Rue and Lindsay Price! (Ok, I'm not quite as excited about those two, although I do like Lindsay going back to her 90210 days.)
• How many employees from this one newspaper did they send to this random street festival? That seems like a waste of resources. No wonder newspapers are going out of business...
• Uh, this making-a-wish-at-the-fountain thing is both cheesy and taking forever.
• The exposition of this show is painful. Paul Gross cannot show up soon enough.
• Joanna: "Oh, that's just puke."
• Joanna's got some really nice clothes for such a pathetic reporter.
• Fraser!!!!!!!!
• Darryl: "It's not really art though, is it? It's more like folk art or crafts. It's cute, but it's stunted."
• Oh, Kyle. You're so adorable.
• Wow, Kyle's 26-year-old now. That's like 8 years older than he was last spring.
• Wow, Joanna has really long hair. How does she get it all into that bun?
• Why'd that dude just brag about getting the last doughnut? That's not very classy...
• These ladies went from not liking each other to eating dinner together every night? That's a little strange.
• That's kind of a short dress for a mother of six (?) to be wearing.
• What the hell is she doing?! I know we're supposed to think Kat's husband is a loser moron, but he does bring up some good points. I don't blame the dude for being mad that he's taking care of his six kids while his wife is frolicking in the town fountain.
• Who says, "You've got no fire, no spark, no electricity!"? Only someone who has to cue a lighting strike in a contrived TV show.
• Aww, poor Kyle. Roxie doesn't want eat dinner with him? She must be a crazy person.
• If Raymond takes the kids, that leaves Kat free to hang out with her new BFFs every night.
• Joanna: "Cliff, it is not a tight squeeze in here."
• Aww, Kyle. So sweet--fixing cabinets, cooking roasts. And he's gorgeous.
• Did we need to tack on that dream about the new guy at the end of the episode? That was kind of abrupt. We probably had enough to chew on without throwing that into the pilot as well. Especially with the kicker about Darryl having a secret.

In regards to rating premiere episodes, two years ago I instated a rule that one favorite actor could only earn 5 points for a show. But, using those terms, Matt Dallas scored 5 points for Eastwick and Paul Gross scored 5 points. Plus maybe one for Abby from DOOL and 2 for Lindsay Price. So then Eastwick has a 13.0/10?! That's not going to work, so that rule has been officially thrown out.

Premiere Rating: 5.5/10

(Photo: abc.com)