Premiere Watch '09: Vampire Diaries

Vampire Diaries:
"Pilot"

The similarities of Vampire Diaries to Twilight are so ubiquitous that I'm largely going to ignore them and try to judge Vampire Diaries on its own merits. After this pilot episode, it's merits are kind of eh. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't all that engaging either. I've heard that VD (that's kind of an embarrassing acronym to have, right?) will expand its focus beyond the tortured love story between the good vampire and the nice girl and tell a larger story about the town. That idea sounds more intriguing to me, since a lot of us have done the tortured-love-story-between-the-good-vampire-and-the-nice-girl thing to death with Twilight at this point.

The VD pilot itself was on the hokey side. There were a few too many introspective voice overs disguised as journal entries for my taste. I mean, why make people act when they can just tell us exactly what they're supposed to be feeling, right? Also, the show absolutely telegraphed every time something "momentous" happened by bring the action to a screeching halt for a dramatic pause and a close up shot. The lead actors did all right with what they had to work with, but I wasn't blown away by them or any of the supporting characters.

I'll probably be giving this show some more time to better establish itself and then see how I feel about it. At this point, I feel like it could go either way: fun, guilty pleasure or total crap.

Highlights and my thoughts:

• No, lady, don't run away from the car! Get in it! You're not save at all running around in the open.
• Historically, this Paul Wesley guy always rubs me the wrong way. I'm not really sure why but I never like him in anything I see him in. I wonder if it's because he's the whack job from Long Beach who broke Holly's blender and then shot Luke on The O.C. or if it runs deeper than that?
• The aunt looks younger than the two high school kids.
• I'm getting a serious Cassidy Casablancas vibe from the brother (Jeremy).
• The show has been on for 3 minutes and I think they've already had four different soundtrack songs.
• I've seen this Vicki girl before. (She was in The O.C. and much better in Freaks and Geeks.) And her boyfriend is familiar as well. (He played on of Naomi's many boyfriends in the new 90210. The drag racer I think?)
• So on this show, vampires can hypnotize people with their eyes?
• Dreamy vampires seem to have a very specific hair style.
• I guess vampires on this show don't have to walk gracefully. This dude is absolutely lumbering down the hallway.
• Elena is wearing some serious hoop earrings.
• At least this vampire guy doesn't look like he's going to barf when gets close to the girl. That's helpful.
• Whoa, that fog is alarming.
• This Elena girl (Nina Dobrev) kind of reminds me a little bit of Jennifer Love Hewitt.
• This show sure is trying awfully hard to make journaling popular again.
• Elena is wearing quite a skimpy shirt.
• "You keep a journal!?!?!" Oh, gag.
• They're playing MGMT? Weren't they the makers of the "it" pilot songs last year?
• Now they're playing Placebo's "Running Up That Hill"!? That's from the freaking Season 4 premiere of The O.C.! And suddenly I have been taken completely out of Vampire Diaries and am instead thinking about Ryan cage fighting in Mexico after Marissa died. Must re-focus...
• Ok, there was an 1864 version of Elena? That's kind of interesting.
• Is history the only class these people attend?
• Wow, what is up this teacher's ass? It's what, the second day of school? There's no need to be this bitter already.
• Whoa, Bonnie, the friend really is psychic or extra-perceptive or something. That's kind of freaky.
• Gee, this Vicki chick is just a ray of sunshine. I can see why Jeremy is so hung up on her...
• The Jennifer's Body/Gossip Girl cross promotion is kind of awkward. I mean, Blair is nasty, but she doesn't go around killing people.
• Who is this Zach dude in Stefan's house who dishes out lectures?
• Dramatic pause, close up shot, and it's...Boone!
• Damon: "Remember, Stefan, it's important to stay away from fads!"
• I think Boone's cheeks are a little too rosy for a vampire.
• Elena is a dead ringer for Catherine.
• Things did not end well with Catherine.
• Boone has Cole Hamels hair. That's probably not a good thing.
• So Stefan can only survive in the sunlight if he's wearing the ring? I'm so not up on the Vampire Diaries mythology. But, then again, I don't care all that much.
• How come vampires never fall for blondes? (Except, I guess, for Angel and Buffy.)
• Do Vicki and Matt not have parents either?

Premiere Rating: 6.5/10

(photo: cwtv.com)

10 Things I Hate About You: Not Much To Like

10 Things I Hate About You:

"Pilot"

Full disclosure: I'm a pretty big fan of the film version of 10 Things I Hate About You. In fact, aside from Clueless, it's probably at the top of my list of favorite teen movies. It holds a special place in my heart because it came out in 1999, when I was, in fact, a teenager (and not a 20-something who still watches an inordinate amount of teen shows). Therefore, ABC Family's television remake of 10 Things could probably only really go one of two ways with me: I'd love it for reprising characters and story lines I adored or I'd detest it immensely for dragging something I love through the mud. After watching the pilot episode, it looks like you're heading for a sizable payday if you put your money on the "detest" option.

I'm tempted to turn my review into a list under the heading "10 Things I Hate About This Show," but I think I can boil the objects of my distaste down to a few key attributes. (I do, however, reserve the right to pull out a 10-part list if I deem it necessary after watching future episodes.)

First of all, the characters in the show failed dismally in living up to the appeal of the originals. If you think about it, for a teen movie, a lot of the actors in 10 Things turned out to be pretty legit: Heath Ledger (obviously), Julia Stiles, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and David Krumholtz all have created fairly solid bodies of work. Additionally, Gabrielle Union and Andrew Keegan were proven mainstays of the teen movie/show genre. Larisa Oleynik (Bianca) has flown fairly under the radar (at least my radar) since 10 Things, but she was pitch-perfect in the film. So, it's not like the young actors in the 10 Things television show don't have some reasonably big shoes to fill.

The problem is that they're not even coming close. I'm not going to even discuss the merits of Ethan Peck vs. Heath Ledger as Patrick, because there's probably no one who could fill those shoes. (But is Ethan even giving it that great of a try? No, not really.) Kat is rather unlikeable (and not like Julia Stiles' Kat was unlikeable because she was supposed to be gruff--this one's just annoying and seems inconsistent). The kid who plays Cameron seems to be trying to channel Michael Cera so hard that it's probably actually hurting. Bianca's okay, but not quite there yet. And this Joey is NO Andrew Keegan (lol). Even the dad in the TV show fails to live up to the charm of the dad in the movie, and he's played by the same actor!

These across-the-board shortcomings lead me to the conclusion that most of the problems with the characters in the show lie with the writing as opposed to the acting. So far, everyone seems like a caricature or a stereotype and not so much like an actual person-esque entity. No one has real soul yet. No one has real dimension.

The one character/actor I did like was Dana Davis (of The Nine, Heroes, and a far superior turn on Pushing Daisies) as Chastity. Sure, she is playing a stereotype too, but she did a good job with it.

Additionally, I'm not sure why this show is a half-hour comedy instead of a one-hour, soap-style drama like Greek. Perhaps the characters would have gelled better if they'd had a little more time. It felt like we were tearing through the episode a break-neck speed and sacrificing subtle nuances like plot and character development. (After all, we did see the first day of school, cheerleading tryouts, the first party, and another school day, which seems like a lot when an entire episode could reasonably be based solely on one school day or one party.)

Highlights + a few other things I hated:

• The background music at the beginning of the episode was a little too decidedly perky and cutesy.
• Michael: "Even the biggest dorks can be cool if they play their cards right. Look at Shia LaBeouf." (Is Shia really the best example of that phenomenon? I'm not sure I ever thought that Shia was that dorky. Goofy, maybe.)
• Cameron is really tall. He doesn't seem as sweet at the movie version either. Just pathetic.
• Kat alternates between being extremely rude and extremely idealistic and humanitarian. It's bizarre.
• One other thing I like better about the movie: it's pivotal scenes don't involve a staring contest.
• Chastity: "Of the 10 things I hated about today..." (Is that how we're tying the title into the show? It's kind of clumsy. I realize that they can't have Kat reading the "I hate the way you..." poem in the first episode since that would wrap up the entire story, but I'd have been fine if the title had never being directly referenced.)
• This keg full of non-alcoholic beer thing is straight out of Freaks and Geeks.
• Why doesn't Kat just leave this poor (Patrick) guy alone? I really don't think he's even trying to mess with her. I think they just happen to be in the same room sometimes.
• At least we know that Patrick can talk--I wasn't sure for a while there.
• This Joey character is completely different. He's not sleazy--he's just "confused."
• Dad: "Are you talking to me or the democrats in your head?"
• Bianca: "Since I'm not going to be popular, I may as well join show choir. Closeted gay guys are fun."
• Ok, now Patrick might be messing with Kat.
• Bianca: "No more NPR. It's giving me menopause."
• Um, shouldn't somebody be paying somebody else to take out the surly sister? Wasn't that the whole point?

(I suspect that the show not really living up to the movie accounts for ABC Family not playing the movie over and over again in preparation for tonight's premiere. It's probably better for them if the superior source material isn't fresh in our minds.)

(photo: abcfamily.com)

Premiere Watch '08: Bones

Bones: "Yanks in the U.K."

So how excited was I when--for the first time in history--an episode of Bones aired that was not directly conflicting with the airings of one, two, or three of my favorite TV shows? Even better, the two-hour premiere of Bones was filmed on location in jolly old London.

There was a lot of like in this premiere episode, although I'll admit to tiring out a bit and losing some of my attention span during the second hour. These two-hour premieres are kind of exhausting. I guess I need to start getting back into prime TV-watching shape, because there will soon come a day when I'll be expected to plow through at least 3 hours of television a night. Petering out after 1.5 hours will not be an option.

Although I am an ardent London-lover, I think my favorite part of the episode was the goings on back at the Smithsonian. How adorable was that Clark guy, who--try as he might to avoid it--kept getting sucked into the personal sagas of the other lab workers? And then, of course, there was John Francis Daley, whom I love and adore. Who would have guessed that pathetic Sam Weir would now have two doctorates at such a young age?

Highlights and Funny Quotes:

• I'm calling BS: British tabloids wouldn't censor out the heiress' boobs in the picture. The British tabs do not have any qualms about printing pictures of boobs.
• Hodgins: "British slime--so much more proper than American slime."
• I thought the Jeffersonian had top-notch security; how did Grayson get in?
• Dr. Wexler: "But I shall check my diary to see if I killed her."
• Cam: "But he is some kind of god...the best kind."
• How come the ex-spouses never seem to want to sign the divorce papers?
• Uh oh, a British bad boy royal named Harry...this is trouble ;-)
• Why are they driving a car in London in the first place? Take a taxi or the tube. And, honestly, I don't remember ever seeing a London's street so uncrowded.
• Booth: "The royals hate bastards."
  Bones: "Only the ones who don't make king."
• Grayson throwing Hodgins into the garbage truck.
• Angela and Sweets' discussion about his anecdote about the Ninja Turtle toy and the neighbor boy. Sweets: "You're the gay neighbor boy."
• Hodgins: "Did Angela's ex get off okay?"
  Cam: "Whoa, sorry?"
• Booth getting headbutted. What is this, Shameless?
• They are spending an awful lot of time at pubs and cafes next to the Thames. How did I miss those when I was in London? (Well, I guess it was January...)
• Booth: "No, it doesn't make sense. People don't kill someone with a bone symbolically, even in England."
• Can't Angela and Hodgins stay together and work on trusting each other? Does this have to be a now or never thing? Slow the break up train down, people. (I hate it when TV shows rush a break up like this.)
• Grayson: "I heard you broke up with the small, angry man."
• Clark offering to take Grayson to the airport and saying, "I just want to work at a regular lab." (I liked Clark; he was funny.)

Premiere Rating: 6.5/10