Premiere Watch '09: Eastwick

Eastwick:

"Pilot"

It pains me to say that a show with both Paul Gross and Matt Dallas is not that great. Both of those gentlemen would land on my list of my favorite people on TV ever (if I took the time to compile such a list). My love of Matt Dallas has been documented over and over in my reviews of Kyle XY. My love of Paul Gross stems back to pre-blog times when he was on Due South, a show that is still in at least my top 10 shows ever and probably my top 5 or 6.

But Eastwick--at least this pilot episode--was no great gem. My sister hit the nail on the head about this one, saying, "The show is a hot mess but I'd watch Paul Gross in just about anything. :)"

All in all, though, I'm going to continue watching. I think there is some potential here, and the show might hit its stride in subsequent episodes. And even if it doesn't, there are worse things I could be doing for an hour on Wednesday nights than reminding myself of how much I like Paul Gross and how gorgeous Matt Dallas is.

My play-by-play:

• Ugh, it's starting with a voice over. A rather Desperate Housewives-esque voice over. (Ok, it did turn out to be a lady reading a book, which I guess makes it a little better.)
• It's Abby from Days of Our Lives!
• It's Kyle!!!!!!!
• It's Mindy O'Dell from Veronica Mars!!
• Sarah Rue and Lindsay Price! (Ok, I'm not quite as excited about those two, although I do like Lindsay going back to her 90210 days.)
• How many employees from this one newspaper did they send to this random street festival? That seems like a waste of resources. No wonder newspapers are going out of business...
• Uh, this making-a-wish-at-the-fountain thing is both cheesy and taking forever.
• The exposition of this show is painful. Paul Gross cannot show up soon enough.
• Joanna: "Oh, that's just puke."
• Joanna's got some really nice clothes for such a pathetic reporter.
• Fraser!!!!!!!!
• Darryl: "It's not really art though, is it? It's more like folk art or crafts. It's cute, but it's stunted."
• Oh, Kyle. You're so adorable.
• Wow, Kyle's 26-year-old now. That's like 8 years older than he was last spring.
• Wow, Joanna has really long hair. How does she get it all into that bun?
• Why'd that dude just brag about getting the last doughnut? That's not very classy...
• These ladies went from not liking each other to eating dinner together every night? That's a little strange.
• That's kind of a short dress for a mother of six (?) to be wearing.
• What the hell is she doing?! I know we're supposed to think Kat's husband is a loser moron, but he does bring up some good points. I don't blame the dude for being mad that he's taking care of his six kids while his wife is frolicking in the town fountain.
• Who says, "You've got no fire, no spark, no electricity!"? Only someone who has to cue a lighting strike in a contrived TV show.
• Aww, poor Kyle. Roxie doesn't want eat dinner with him? She must be a crazy person.
• If Raymond takes the kids, that leaves Kat free to hang out with her new BFFs every night.
• Joanna: "Cliff, it is not a tight squeeze in here."
• Aww, Kyle. So sweet--fixing cabinets, cooking roasts. And he's gorgeous.
• Did we need to tack on that dream about the new guy at the end of the episode? That was kind of abrupt. We probably had enough to chew on without throwing that into the pilot as well. Especially with the kicker about Darryl having a secret.

In regards to rating premiere episodes, two years ago I instated a rule that one favorite actor could only earn 5 points for a show. But, using those terms, Matt Dallas scored 5 points for Eastwick and Paul Gross scored 5 points. Plus maybe one for Abby from DOOL and 2 for Lindsay Price. So then Eastwick has a 13.0/10?! That's not going to work, so that rule has been officially thrown out.

Premiere Rating: 5.5/10

(Photo: abc.com)

Premiere Watch '09: 90210

90210:
"To New Beginnings!"

Ugh, for the first time probably ever, I'm so not ready for the new episode of network television shows to start up again. I'm rather enjoying the less demanding summer television season where there's not 2-5 shows I want to watch airing during every single time slot.

And the U.S. Open is still going on, people! And although all of my favorites (on the men's side anyway) are dropping like flies, I'm still obsessively watching. I don't have time for premieres when I've got to watch 6+ hours of tennis each day!

Anyway, 90210 started up its second season tonight (two or three weeks earlier than I would have liked). I can't say I was too impressed by this episode. It was about 97% style and 3% substance (when the appropriate ratio for 90210 should be more along the lines of 75% style, 25% substance). What made it worse was that all the "substance" was almost completely ridiculous. Sure, the show was over-the-top during the second half of last season when it hit its stride, but there was some value to it. The show did a fairly good job of handling Adrianna's baby storyline, Silver's struggle with bipolar disorder, Navid and Adrianna's sweet relationship, and even the Naomi/Liam/Jen stuff.

In this episode, however, the show shied away from the heavy issues (aside from some cursory coverage of Annie's post-hit-and-run downward spiral) in favor of showing us lots and lots of Naomi, Silver, and Adrianna frolicking in bathing suits and frolicking in tennis dresses and frolicking in a convertible and strutting around in their ridiculous school outfits. And, yes, there was even a choreographed group dance number for crying out loud!!! For a second there, I thought I was watching She's All That, and that is never a good thing! (Were the 90210 kids doing a dance from a music video or something? I'm sure I'm out of the loop on the group dances that are popular with the kiddies these days.)

Hopefully, this episode was just intended as a fun way to relaunch the show and things will pick up in the episodes to come. Here's my running commentary of the highlights and my thoughts:

• Who is that guy Naomi's kissing? He's like 40 years old! I mean, sure, Naomi's an old-looking high school student, but this is pushing it!
• So, Naomi, Silver, and Dixon were in summer school as punishment for attending the post-prom party with underage drinking. I'm a little fuzzy on the details from last year, but I think that's what's going on.
• Silver's hair looks cute.
• Adrianna looks beautiful. But she has no bangs, so I guess I can't call her Bangs anymore :-(
• This song by Slimy is awesome. Are we taking bets on what the most over-used songs in premiere/pilot episodes will be? I'm going to guess that there will be some Passion Pit, but I'm not sure what the ubiquitous song will be.
• Naomi: "He reads books!"
  Silver: "Like Lolita?"
  
• "Monica Lewinsky: The Movie Musical"... Yo, minus the musical part, Grosse Pointe did that joke 10 years ago. Grosse Pointe was an awesome show.
  
• Naomi: "Well, if it were up to me, over-50s wouldn't be allowed to wear sleeveless shirts."
  
• I hope Adrianna's excessive eye makeup is waterproof...
  
• Why is Navid carrying both boogie boards and Dixon's only carrying the towels? That makes Dixon look a little pathetic.
  
• Wow, that was a very enjoyable Annie-less opening 10 minutes.
  
• New neighborhood? Why did the Wilsons move? Just so they're not mooching off the grandma anymore? The finer points of last season are escaping me.
  
• Wow, there's a jazzy new opening title sequence. It's a bit less hokey than the one they had last season, I suppose. It being hokey was kind of the point though.
  
• Silver's tennis skirt with origami folds is lovely.
  
• Naomi: "I'm very possessive when it comes to balls."
  
• This guy is in high school? Yeah, right!
  
• Should I be embarrassed to admit that I recognize this guy from when he played Jeremy Horton on Days of Our Lives a couple summers ago? The dude was a total creep on DOOL and he's still creeping me out now.
  
• Ugh, Naomi, don't fall for this line of crap from your too-old boyfriend.
  
• Silver seems to have an entirely different personality this season. Is that a side effect of her bipolar meds?
  
• Last season's Silver was an angry blogger who didn't like the prom. Now she's willingly spending all of her time at the country club with Naomi? Not buying it.
  
• Are they seriously doing a synchronized group dance number?! OMG, this is ridiculous! I love it.
  
• BTW, the guy who is playing the front desk attendant also played a creep on DOOL. I really don' think it's the best idea ever for 90210 to be raiding DOOL's supporting cast for new talent. Unless they want to hire Nick or Chelsea or Max.
  
• Teddy and Adrianna did this sexy dance four years ago? Like when they were 12? That seems highly inappropriate.
• Wait, this is so the same song ("Koop Island Blues" by Koop) that Randi and Evan performed Mia's "Butt Dance" to on SYTYCD!!! !!! Ha ha! Ok, if Adrianna and Teddy were doing the "Butt Dance," I could understand why that would upset Navid.
• Ok, Adrianna's hair extensions need to go. They look really fake.
• Eew, what is Silver wearing now? Her legs look even skinnier than usual in this strange getup.
• Is it just me, or are the girls even more crazily dramatic than usual this season? I expect Annie to be over-the-top, but between Silver's "I can't breathe without Dixon" and Naomi's Liam speech, I can barely take it.
• How did Liam's hair get longer while he was in boot camp? Oh, wait, it was wilderness boot camp, so I guess they didn't have access to scissors while they were out there...
• Wow, things are going from really bad to even worse for Annie.
• I know the split focus between the "new class" and the returning characters (Kelly, Brenda, Donna) was sometimes problematic last year, but this episode sorely needed a little bit more maturity.

Premiere Rating: 6.0/10

**This is probably the least flattering photo in the entire set on the CW's 90210 Web site, but I couldn't resist posting it since it's from the choreographed group dance number.

(photo: cwtv.com)

Greek: A Night To Remember

Greek:

"Formally Yours"

I was a little nervous about this episode... The promos made it seem like the Casey/Max relationship could potentially be derailed by both Cappie and Evan. And, as we learned in last series' flashback episode, Casey does have a history of swapping dates on the night of the big dance.

Thankfully, the Casey/Max relationship survived the night and will live to see another day! Not only that, but they're looking stronger than ever! Woohoo!

As for Rusty and Ashleigh, is it really true that it "can't happen"? I'm not so sure; it seemed like there might be something there...if not now, maybe sometime in the future.

Highlights:

• Cappie: "Due to limited storage space, we will now be deleting our season pass of Days of Our Lives. I'm very sorry, Beaver."
  Beaver: "I'll miss you, Marlena."
• Ashleigh: "Music! I knew I forgot something!"
  Casey: "What?! Really?"
  Ashleigh: "NO! Not really!"
• Casey: "It's like he just picked up a ping pong paddle and I'm throwing him into Wimbledon."
• Ashleigh: "He's socially awkward, not special."
• Dale knows exactly who do go to to rent a disco ball ;-)
• Dale: "She's a cow."
  Rusty: "She's the one milking the cow."
• Uh oh, there seems to be some spark left between Cappie and Rebecca. Whatever--as long as it keeps him away from Casey.
• Wow, the sorority election is next week already! I wish presidential elections moved with the same alacrity as sorority ones.
• Why doesn't Evan wear his ties anymore? He's gone so much more casual these days, and I don't like it.
• Oh no! Rusty's formal theme is "A Night To Remember"! Ha!
• Dale: "That's more tired than my grandma after bingo."
• Rusty's hilarious expression when Dale said: "I wanted to give it to her."
• The Kappa Tau "informal" has a bouncy castle ;-)
• Cappie: "Your head is way too fancy for your body. It's weird."
• The Casey/Cappie interaction was very buddy-buddy. I could feel him pining for her, but she didn't seem to be pining for him. (Which would make for a nice turn of events: Casey finally getting over somebody, or somebody finally getting over Casey.)
• Casey: "If Max gets uncomfortable, he can talk to Rusty! And they can sit at the table and talk about lasers and jet packs!"
• Ashleigh's hair is fancier than Casey's and she didn't go to the salon.
• Evan: "I'm running unopposed, and everyone already thinks I'm president." (I appreciate it when Greek throws in some quasi-inside jokes.)
• Ha ha, it was cute how Rusty and Ashleigh bonding over party planning details (the 4-tiered chocolate fountain).
• Rusty dances like a character in the Peanuts cartoon.
• Ugh, could Evan be nastier? Rusty did kind of encourage his meanness by being a little snippy with him when they met at the bar. But, yikes. What the hell does Evan care if Rusty's on a pity date. Rusty's like a little puppy; just leave him alone.
• I can't believe Rusty put his hand on Ashleigh's butt!
• Casey (to Evan): "You're better than this. What happened to you?" Amen to that. He was much better than this just--what--a month ago in Greek time?
• Ashleigh and Rusty's kissing-to-prove-Evan-wrong scheme would be a lot more convincing if they didn't shoot superior looks in his direction every time they kissed. That's kind of a tip off.

(Photo: abcfamily.com)

Premiere Watch '07: Viva Laughlin

Viva Laughlin:
Well, it wasn't easy, but CBS managed to put a show on at 10 p.m. on Thursday that was significantly worse than Big Shots.

I didn't think it could be done. Major congratulations are in order for Les Moonves, etc. The congratulations will, however, be quickly followed by questioning along the likes of: "WTF were you thinking?"

Ok, I don't particularly love musicals, but I really don't like whatever this was. It wasn't a musical because the actors were only kind of singing along with the actual songs. And they doing it in a half-assed manner reminiscent of Britney Spears at the VMAs. You couldn't even freaking hear them some of the time.

As stupid/bad as the songs were, I felt like there weren't enough of them because the spoken dialogue and plot were so much more awful! And, dude, the main character guy is replusive. And not in a House/Dexter/Boston Legal kind of way, but in a there's-nothing-remotely-likeable-or-redeemable-about-this-person-at-all kind of way.

I felt badly for some of the actors in the show who can do so much better (and have done better in the past): Senator McAllistor's brother from Brothers and Sisters (a.k.a. Rex from Days of Our Lives), Sherry Tinsdale from Gilmore Girls, and Professor Landry from Veronica Mars. I feel particularly badly for Prof. Landry because he was on Pushing Daisies just last week! That's a long way to fall in a very short amount of time.


Most of the time while watching Viva Laughlin, I honestly could not believe what my eyes were seeing and my ears were hearing. And not at all in a good way.

Premiere Rating: 1 / 10
(Well, I know it was worse than Big Shots, which got a 2.5, but I'm not really sure where to place this one in the 0 to 2 range. I'll go with a 1 because I suppose that somehow it could have been worse: they could have sung only Spice Girls and Celine Dion songs, they could have played a transexual hooker plot line for laughs, they could have aired a blank screen for an hour, etc.)

Premiere Watch '07: Heroes

Hmm, I had a joke all prepared for tonight's episode of Heroes. I was going to say:

"Well, at least it was better than last year's finale...but, well, that's not saying much. Heck, today's episode of Days of Our Lives was better than last year's finale."

But, here we run into a problem: was tonight's episode better than last year's finale? And were either of them better than today's Days of Our Lives? Luckily for Heroes, today's DOOL was pretty darn bad.

Here are my two main complaints about Heroes (tonight, and in general, I suppose):

There is no dramatic structure to an episode of Heroes. It starts plotlines for 10 different people, then furthers them a little bit, then, instead of providing any sort of conclusion, it just starts plotlines for 5 other people and calls it a night. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

And it's sooooooo over-dramatic! Like, could Ando's facial expressions be any more over the top when Hiro's dad fell off the roof? Umm, yep, they could have been Peter's facial expressions when he found himself chained up in the Irish truck. Come the heck on, people! Tone it down a bit; you're not in a silent movie for crying out loud. And those Latino twins...oy vey. The scene of them talking while hiding in the doorway almost made me barf.

My praises for tonight's Heroes:

Well, they begin and end with David Anders. Wow, he's hot. Even when they make him wear that ridiculous Japanese feudal warrior outfit. It takes one hot boy to rock that outfit and not look completely ridiculous. I was extremely glad when Kensei and Hiro realized they both spoke English, because I was having a hard time keeping up with their rapid-fire Japanese while being horribly distracted by David's beauty. And I was also glad to have my favorite beautiful British rogue criminal back (well, kind of anyway). What I was not totally getting was why they decided to have Kensei turn into Jack Sparrow, but whatev. It could be worse, and it lead to by far the best moment of the night (and possibly the entire Heroes series) when:

David punched Hiro in the face!!!! Oh my gosh, I've been waiting so long for someone to punch Hiro in the face just to shut him up for a while. His constant cheerfulness has become so grating... Thank you, Kensei!

Other observations:

• Nathan's politician hair is ridiculous. Oops, I spoke too soon. His politician hair was no where near as bad as his new hairdo and beard! Yikes. He looks like the uni-bomber.
• Yeah, I wouldn't go hear Mohinder give a lecture either...
• Sorry, folks, Grunberg is still not badass. Elaborate NYPD training exercise they've got there, what with the immediate fake blood, etc. Umm, if all the "hostages" and "captors" were acting, wouldn't they both be thinking, "I'm acting"?
• Claire's grades are going to suffer if she can't raise her hand in class. Some teachers give a class participation grade. Not talking is going to make her stand out for being the weird blonde who never talks.
• Ando's hair is pretty awesome today.
• Great, a weird, recurring symbol. Because we so loved that on Alias and Kyle XY.
• Someone is taking out the older generation. That's fine by me. I can actually recommend some characters from the younger generations that I could do without too.
• Think there's any way that Mr. Bennet's career in the paper business can lead to a cross-over episode with Dunder Mifflin and The Office?
• Ha, the guy from "the company" who was on Dweebs (wow, that's a random reference) has the Midas touch! That's a fun power.
• He he. Grunberg's scared of a little girl. Like I said, he's so not badass.
• Oh, great, these Spanish-speaking kids mean more subtitles to read...fantastic.
• Where is the teacher supervision during Claire's gym class? And why didn't she put her hair in a pony tail to play badminton?
• There are 9 first generation people left. Ugh, this plotline is going to take forever.
• Maya's power is making people bleed out their eyes? That one sucks.
• Hunter from The Office a.k.a. "James Van Der Beek" a.k.a. West (seriously?) can fly. That's cool. I bet he could do a back tuck off that platform without hurting himself. My sister wonders if he's related to flying Nathan, and thus related to Claire. Wouldn't it be fantastic is Claire fell in love with another one of her relatives every season?
• Ok, it's official: no one in Hollywood can do an Irish accent without sounding ridiculous. At least no one on Heroes or Days of Our Lives anyway. I have no idea what just went on in that last scene but I was too distracted by trying to figure out why that one guy looked so familiar and by the accents (the one guy said "turd" instead of "third"....just saying).

Premiere Rating: 5.5* / 10

* 5 of those 5.5 points are for David Anders being ridiculously hot, which Heroes has nothing to do with. I'd give it a 10 just for David, but I don't think that's fair, so I'm setting the maximum number of points that any one actor can earn for a show at 5. Interestingly, if Kristen Bell had been in this episode, she could have earned it another 5 points and Heroes would have gotten a 10 despite being kind of a crappy hour of television.

Damages: The spotlight is a pretty gosh darn awful place to be, indeed.

Damages:
In the interest of time, another list:

• Whoa, it's fun to be Katie... Her life really is a blur of narcotics and intercourse! Sweet :-)
• Ugh, it would be hard to recognize someone you saw five years ago from far away when you were drunk and drugged up...
• Well, now we know that Katie lives through this whole ordeal because she's around to ID her brother's body (in quite a dramatic fashion!).
• Arthur seems to spend a lot of time skimming his pool.
• At least in this show, Jimmy Cooper's daughter seems a little more promising than either Marissa or Kaitlyn.
• Geez, lawyers in NYC....yikes. They will blackmail you right into taking an extremely well-paying, prestigious job. Ridiculous!
• It seems kind of skanky to hit on the surgeon who just performed your grandpa's heart surgery.
• Oh, it's never good to pass someone else's testimony off as your own. I learned that lesson from Days of Our Lives for crying out loud.
• "I also warned you that the spotlight is a pretty God damn awful place to be." --Patty
• Uh oh, I think they created a monster with Katie--she's become a little too good at this whole deposition thing.
• Oh, Jennie Garth's husband set Katie up...I saw that coming.
• One of the highlights of watching Damages is the commercial for Nip/Tuck Hollywood with the awesome "Wicked Games" cover paying in the background.
• It's creepy how good Patty is at controlling everything.
• The girl who's grandpa is in the hospital is a huge skank! Geez. Although I guess even the grandfathers of huge sluts need medical attention occasionally...
• Who is that baby?